A to Z Challenge Day 20: Tunnel Rat vs Torch

"Tunnel Rats" were mostly associated with the Vietnam War.  The North Vietnamese or sympathizers would often have networks of tunnels and a soldier referred to as a tunnel rat would have to crawl in with a flashlight, knife, and explosives to destroy the tunnel.  The long-running Harry Bosch series's titular character was a tunnel rat in the war.

So unlike many other GI JOEs, Tunnel Rat is actually based on a real thing.  And I suppose COBRA might dig tunnels from time to time that would require a tunnel rat to destroy them.

Tunnel Rat was one of the characters who appeared in the animated movie.  He crawls in a water pipe to defeat a training exercise and later shows the Joes how to navigate some obstacles in the Himalyas to reach Cobra-la's base.  He didn't really appear in the DIC cartoon series or the live action movies either.  But I'm sure he was in the comics at least a few times.  So that's something.

The Dreadnoks are the henchmen of Zartan.  They're supposed to be punks from Australia or some damned thing.  They aren't very bright, because good help is hard to find.  The first three were Buzzer, Ripper, and Torch.

Torch had a brown beard and a flamethrower, which is what differentiated him from the other two.  Otherwise they were pretty much inseparable.  And later they added Monkeywrench and Thrasher, followed by Road Pig to their numbers.  The Dreadnoks appeared in the Sunbow series fairly often, but not really in the DIC series.  They also appeared in the comics a few times.  Though Zartan was in the live action movies, his Dreadnoks weren't.  Such a shame.

A to Z Challenge Day 19: Snake Eyes vs Storm Shadow

There are so many great S's but you have to go with the two most popular.  Snake Eyes became the most popular Joe character and yet his creation was based on some penny pinching.  In Netflix's The Toys That Made Us, they recount how in order to stretch the budget for the first line of Real American Hero toys, they decided to make one character just plain black.  Snake Eyes was born!

At first Snake Eyes was just a guy with an Uzi.  Then in the cartoon he got a wolf named Timber and so they reissued his figure with the wolf.  Then he became a ninja!

It's interesting that he wasn't really that popular in the cartoon shows.  He was in the Sunbow series from the beginning, though instead of black he was colored dark blue with peach flesh colored hands.  In the miniseries The MASS Device, Snake Eyes is in a mine to get some crystals but gets irradiated in the process.  Timber shows up and takes him to an old blind who fixes Snake Eyes up.

There was nothing on his file card about not talking; I'm not sure if the comics or the show came up with that first.  Like every good legend, though, the legend of Snake Eyes kept getting bigger and bigger.  He wasn't just some commando with a machine gun.  He was a ninja whose master was killed by Storm Shadow and he took a vow of silence until he killed him!  In the comics it got even more complicated where he was maybe Scarlett's brother or half-brother or some damned thing.

His popularity in the comics was such that at one point he even got top billing in the title, so it was Snake Eyes and GI JOE.  That's pretty impressive!

In the live action movies he was played by Ray Park, aka Darth Maul.  I always thought it was stupid they put a mouth on his costume.  Why does a guy who swore a vow of silence need a mask with a mouth?  I could try to go through all the variations of the character, but there have been 68 of them at least!

I still have my original Snake Eyes figure, but at the moment he's in three pieces.  I have the Night Force reissue from '97 on my desk.  The original was the first Joe I ever got.  Snake Eyes was my first Joe and Bumblebee my first Transformer; I really lucked out there.

Thanks I think to the comics, Snake Eyes's mortal enemy became Storm Shadow, the COBRA ninja.  Because what terrorist organization doesn't need a ninja?  I think it was in the same Toys That Made Us episode that comics writer Larry Hama talked about that he wanted Storm Shadow as a Joe from the beginning, but he was overruled and the character was part of COBRA until about 1988, when he was remade as a Joe with some lame explanation that he joined COBRA to be a mole.

But by the time of the live action movies he was a bad guy again and Snake Eyes's sworn enemy.  But then I think in the second movie they team up when they found out Zartan killed their master, which made absolutely no sense.

In the Sunbow series Storm Shadow far more often tangled with Spirit, the Native American GI JOE.  I'm not sure why because Spirit wasn't even a ninja.

He was in the comic book quite a bit as an enemy of Snake Eyes and then later an ally.  Like I've said previously the comics really pushed that whole ninja thing more than the cartoon shows.  Which was great for the popularity of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow.  With the newer comics I'm not sure where Storm Shadow's loyalties lie.  Him and Snake Eyes have switched sides a couple of times since the 80s.

A to Z Challenge Day 18: Road Warriors: Roadblock vs Road Pig

GI JOE was a diverse force right from the beginning of the Real American Hero line, and as part of that they had three black characters early on:  Stalker in the first set, Doc in the second, and Roadblock in the third.  Roadblock was a heavy machine gunner who got to carry around a big gun.  Kind of wonder if his design was based on Lou Gossett Jr, because that's who he kind of looks like with the bald head and mustache and An Officer and a Gentleman came out about the time and his character was a drill instructor, so it'd kind of make sense.

Anyway, he was in the cartoon series quite a bit.  Sometimes they had him talk normally and other times he'd talk in rhyme.  I'm not sure what the deal was with that.  Besides being a machine gunner, he also liked to cook.  In one cartoon episode his aunt and uncle open a restaurant that's part of a franchise that's a COBRA front and while on vacation Roadblock visits and does some cooking there.

Roadblock was reissued in the 1986 series with a different outfit.  Maybe he was getting cold in just the tank top and pants so they gave him a shirt and vest.

In the animated movie Roadblock is blinded by Cobra-La but manages to escape using Cobra Commander (turned into a snake by then) as his eyes.  He shows up in the second season of the DIC series, voiced by Blu Mankuma, who voiced Tigatron on Beast Wars.  The original version of it was recalled because it came with a disc launcher that was feared to be too powerful.  A second version was issued.

In the live action GI JOE:  Retaliation, he was played by The Rock.  Though I think he looks more like Terry Crews.

Obviously he was in the comics a lot too. He was one of the more popular characters.

And then you have Road Pig who was one of the lamer, more useless characters.  He's basically a big fat punk whose weapon of choice is a cinderblock on a stick.  Seriously.

He was the third series of "Dreadnoks" who were henchmen of the evil Zartan.  He was too late for the Sunbow show and didn't get in the movie, but he got into the comics a few times.  I have no idea what would have inspired anyone to make such an idiotic toy.  Who wanted to waste even $3.17 back in the day on a guy with a cinderblock?

Reading that file card, I'm sure it was some Hasbro guy's idea of a joke to make his birthplace "Goblu, Michigan."  As in Go Blue, the war cry for the University of Michigan.  They probably figured no one would ever read that.  I mean it's Road Pig.   I hope that wasn't anyone's actual Social Security Number.

Sadly Road Pig was reissued in 1991 as part of the lame "Sonic Fighters" line.  He even got into the DIC series a few times in the second season.  In one episode he has his own zoo of wild animals like wild boards, panthers, and alligators to torture until the Joes show up.  At least he had better weapons than a cinderblock on a stick this time.

A to Z Challenge Day 17: Quick Kick

There are no Qs for COBRA so it's just Quick Kick by his lonesome.

Though Snake Eyes became a ninja later, Quick Kick was really the first GI JOE ninja figure.  He has the backstory of being a Hollywood stuntman who decided to become a member of GI JOE.  So maybe he wasn't officially a ninja, but he had throwing stars and did martial arts stuff, so whatever.

He was introduced in the first full season of the Sunbow series.  Despite that he wasn't wearing a shirt and barefoot, a couple of Joes find him in the arctic because he was shooting a movie there or something.  Makes sense!  He appeared in some episodes, including a spotlight one where he and a girl who wanted to be part of GI JOE fell in love--until she was thought to be a spy and then he had to hunt her down.  After that season he kind of dropped out and got replaced by other ninja guys like Storm Shadow and Nunchuck and whatnot.

How's that smell?!

I'm sure he appeared in some of the comics too a few times.  But after that he didn't really do much.

A to Z Challenge Day 16: Psyche-Out vs Python Patrol

With Mainframe I said during each series of figures there was always at least one character with a pretty useless function.  In the 1987 series the award goes to Psyche-Out!  Whose job was deceptive warfare.  Nowadays he'd just sit on a computer posting fake news to Facebook, but in 1987 I guess you had to dress up like Lobot and run around with miniature radar dishes.

He didn't get into the animated movie or Sunbow show.  Maybe he got into the comic book a few times.  I don't know.  He was part of the Night Force recoloring a couple of years later.

Second edition, now with bigger radar dishes!

A reissue of him did get into the second season of the DIC show.  Somehow he managed to look almost as lame and be almost as useless.  Instead of Lobot, he looks more like a Borg.  Why doesn't the real army have anyone this awesome?

Python Patrol was a COBRA unit that was just an excuse to recolor figures and vehicles.  They did the same thing with Tiger Force, Night Force, and others.  The figures were recolored yellow, gray, and green while the vehicles were recolored dark red with black criss-crossed lines.

They were in a DIC miniseries to fight Slaughter's Marauders, another recolored line of figures.  COBRA Commander uses a gizmo to give COBRA and captured Joe vehicles the powers of a python!  Um, sure.  Makes sense.  They also got into the comic book at least once.  None of these recolored teams really stuck around long.  The coolest vehicle was the recolor of the GI JOE X-30, which itself was based on the sweet X-29 prototype.

A to Z Challenge Day 15: Outback vs Overlord

As a guy with a Grizzly Adams beard and ironic T-shirt, Outback was actually about 30 years ahead of his time.  He had the odd function of "Survivalist," because I guess GI JOE needed a Doomsday Prepper.  Or I guess a guy to teach them to eat bugs and drink their own urine.  Fun stuff!

As part of the 1987 line, Outback didn't really get any TV time.  I don't think he really got in the animated movie either, so he got screwed there.

He was in a few issues of the comics.  There were a couple of issues where him, Stalker, and another guy were captured by COBRA and Outback's survival skills came in handy.  Kind of funny that his code name is Outback and he's not even Australian!

COBRA Commander was obviously the first commander of COBRA, but a few years later along came Serpentor, who was made from the DNA of history's greatest (and most evil) leaders.  This was a less successful attempt to create another new leader for COBRA.  Like the Penguin on Batman or Dr. Mindbender, he sports a monocle.  Monocles, the most evil eyewear ever invented!  Besides the monocle he had an attachable thing like a Freddy Krueger or Wolverine claw.

I don't think he ever got on the TV show.  Too bad because they could have given him a posh British accent and maybe he could have gotten a cat to stroke while sitting in a leather armchair.

He came with his own little vehicle called the Dictator.  It separated into a couple of vehicles too.  I think we had that one back in the day.  Despite that he was supposed to be a COBRA commander, he never really had the popularity to replace COBRA Commander or Destro.  Just a flash in the pan.

A to Z Challenge Day 14: Ninjas! Nunchuk vs Night Creeper

In the late 80s and early 90s, Hasbro was trying to keep the GI JOE line relevant with things like the Drug Enforcement Force and Eco Warriors.  And since ninjas were a big thing around then, they went all-in on the ninja thing.  So we have two ninjas.

I'm not sure who Nunchuk is.  I think he came along after the TV shows and after I stopped reading the comics and I don't think he really got remade after his initial release.  So not a huge impact.

His name is Ralph and he's from Brooklyn, so I'd bet they based his file card on Karate Kid.  That actually would be a great movie:  Karate Kid joins GI JOE!

Night Creeper is a weird name.  Sounds like he should be a serial killer who sneaks into houses at night to kill people.  But he's the COBRA generic ninja.  Their leader is, wait for it...Night Creeper Leader!  Whoa.  They look pretty badass for ninjas.

They at least briefly got into the DIC cartoon series.  In one episode Night Creeper Leader thinks he's a new pharaoh or some damned thing.  They probably appeared in the comics since they had lots of ninja stuff going on.  BTW, here's the appropriate song:

A to Z Challenge Day 13: Mainframe vs Major Bludd

In every wave of GI JOE figures there was usually a figure who was sort of useless.  Among the 1986 figures, Mainframe was probably the most useless.  He didn't come with a gun or missile launcher or anything.  Why?  Because he was GI JOE's IT guy!  I mean all those awesome vehicles and shit have computers so you need someone on call; you can't just call Geek Squad and wait for them to send a guy out there.

Anyway, check out the action-packed artwork on his original box:

Can you hear me now?

He makes computer repair look so exciting!  But in the second full season of the show he did get a surprising amount of screen time.  He was like the hacker guy whenever the Joes needed some hacking and shit.  He even had a thing with the evil Zarana, which got kind of awkward when COBRA turned Mainframe and a few other Joes into little kids in one episode.  He was in the animated movie to help get GI JOE's BET energy thingy to work.  But after he disappeared.  What happened with him and Zarana?  We'll never know.  Or maybe we will; we just won't care.

As you might expect, he wasn't reissued much.  A 2008 reissue was called "Dataframe" which sounds even lamer.  In later comics he was Sgt Mainframe and I suppose computer hacking and stuff was probably more useful for the 21st Century.

More useful was Major Bludd.  He was usually the COBRA field commander while Cobra Commander and Destro and Baroness were back at whatever lair they were using for the week.  He's Australian with an eye patch and mustache, so he's pretty awesome.

He appeared quite a bit in the early Sunbow cartoon episodes, though not as much by the end.  When his figure was reissued, he was reintroduced in the DIC show, again as the field commander for the most part.  I mean someone has to lead the various generic troopers and Vipers and whatnot, right?  I'm sure he was in the comics too, though probably not as much of a cowardly dumbass.

He wasn't in either of the live action movies.  Again, a perfectly good stereotype character wasted!  I mean an Australian guy with an eye patch and mustache; how could you waste an opportunity like that?  Michael Bay is shaking his head sadly.

BTW, check out this 1994 sort of disco pirate version:

Arr matey, I be stayin' alive!

This is probably why they shut down the toy line after 12 years.

A to Z Challenge Day 12: Lady Jaye vs Lampreys

GI JOE has had plenty of female characters since the Real American Hero line debuted in 1982.  First was Scarlett and then Cover Girl.  The third major female character for the Joes was Lady Jaye.  Sometimes I wondered if it was supposed to be Lady JAYE or Lady JANE.  But it's Jaye.  For whatever reason.

Lady Jaye wasn't quite as glamorous as Cover Girl or as feminine as Scarlett.  She was actually kind of lesbian-looking with the short hair and hat.  She had kind of a Green Arrow-type gimmick where she threw javelins that could shoot nets or whatever was needed for that episode of the TV show or comic book.

In the TV show especially she had a thing with Flint, though they weren't really doing a lot of romantic stuff because it was a kids show in 1986.  I think it was probably the same in the comics, but I don't really remember.  In one episode she inherits Destro's ancestral home and finds out that she's a distant relative of him!  But it's never mentioned again.  Her main contribution to the animated movie was being captured by Cobra-la.  It's funny that in the credits her name is listed as "Lady J."

She appeared a few times in the DIC cartoon series but didn't really have a major role.  Her figure had been out of circulation for years but I guess the team needed a vagina, so she was kept around. In the 2013 movie GI JOE Retaliation, "Jaye" (she's no lady!) she was played by Adrianne Palicki, who played Mockingbird on Agents of SHIELD and is currently on The Orville.  So that's something.

As for COBRA, the best I could do was Lampreys, the driver of the COBRA Moray Hydrofoil.  Like with the ice guys, water guys were also fairly limited.   Though there were more times when they would be on water than in the snow, so a little more useful than Ice Viper and the WOLF.  I don't think we had the Moray, though it might have been cool to play with in the pool versus the little plastic boats from Meijer that cost like a dollar and couldn't fit any GI JOEs on them.

Anyway, I'm sure Lampreys were on the cartoon and in the comic, but just as like a background guy.  I mean they wouldn't get a spotlight episode or issue or anything.

A to Z Challenge Day 11: Knockdown

Just like yesterday, there's no COBRA K-name either!  So we only have one GI JOE guy:  Knockdown!

Who was he?  He was part of the "Battle Force 2000" team that was actually from 1987.  They were supposed to be all futuristic and shit.

Knockdown wasn't like the leader or anything.  Just part of the team.  Like all the Battle Force guys he came by himself originally and then in a two-pack with "Dodger" and they each had a vehicle.  The vehicles had parts that would go together to make a sort of fortress thing.  I think my brother and I only had the Vector Jet (the coolest one!) with the yellow pod at the back that could come off.  Without all the vehicles you couldn't make the fortress thing, so we really missed out.  I think Knockdown went with the Sky Sweeper but it didn't really matter.

The Battle Force team never made any of the movies or TV shows.  I don't know about the comics.  Maybe.  Maybe not.