Send This Post to Oblivion

 I figured I'd post this on Labor Day since it's the kind of post no one except me will care about.  Basically it's a placeholder post.

When I was writing about my hierarchy of bad movies on MST3K and Rifftrax, a couple near the better end of the spectrum were Oblivion (1994, not the Tom Cruise one) and Oblivion 2:  Backlash.  For some reason I actually like both movies and really think they're "bad" mostly because they didn't have the budget of a big Hollywood movie--like that Tom Cruise one.  That and George Takei and Isaac Hayes and a lesser extent Julie Newmar really hamming it up.

Anyway, these two movies are sci-fi Westerns taking place on the remote, desolate world of Oblivion, which really only apparently has one town also named Oblivion.  They have spaceships, energy shields, and cyborgs, but most everything else is Old West tech for whatever reason.  There's a particular ore called draconium on the planet that's extremely rare and valuable and short-circuits tech like energy shields.

In the first movie, the evil outlaw Redeye shows up and challenges the marshal to a duel.  He agrees thinking the shield in his badge will keep him safe, but Redeye has planted some draconium in the ground to short it out.  So the marshal is killed and Redeye and his gang take over the town.

Out in the wastelands, the marshal's son Zack Stone saves a "native" named Buteo from some "night scorpions" and the native basically swears a life debt to him ala Chewbacca and Han Solo.  Zack is told by the local mortician Gaunt, who has the ability to sense when death is at hand, that his father is dead and so he and Buteo go back to town.

Zack hopes to find enough money to get off the planet, but instead he's drawn into trying to stop Redeye and taking his father's place as the new marshal.  Buteo and the cyborg deputy Stell Barr help him to take care of Redeye and his gang, the former being eaten by night scorps in the wasteland.

In the second movie, Zack is having trouble making it with Mattie, the local shopkeeper.  Meanwhile, Lash, a sorta-dominatrix-looking member of Redeye's gang has found the location for a huge mine of draconium.  A bounty hunter named Sweeney, who dresses like someone from a Jane Austen novel instead of Boba Fett, shows up on the planet to arrest Lash for a crime some years ago on another planet.  And also to hit on Mattie, making Zack jealous.

Lash is apprehended, but before she can be taken by Sweeney, Redeye's brother, who's some kind of general, shows up and wants to also claim her.  At the same time, Zack learns that the crime Lash is accused of was actually committed by Miss Kitty, the local brothel owner.  Miss Kitty challenges Sweeney to come find her and Zack goes with him to make sure Miss Kitty (who unbeknownst to him but pretty much knownst to us is his mother) isn't hurt.  Meanwhile Lash and Redeye's brother are going to head to her mine to find the draconium.

Everyone winds up at the mine with Miss Kitty planning to blow it up.  But when the explosive goes off, it wakes a giant turtle, which I guess the mine actually was.  Miss Kitty is believed to be dead and so Sweeney leaves the planet.  Lash and Redeye's brother go...somewhere else.  Miss Kitty shows up at her own funeral to reveal she lived...somehow.  Zack and Mattie get back together and I guess everyone lives Happily Ever After.

(OK, the second one isn't as good!  Except for the soundtrack.)

I did one of those dumb things where I challenged myself to think of how to continue the story--mostly because I was bored.

So here's my idea for Oblivion 3, though I think it would have to be a comic book or animated movie because too much time has passed.  I mean Isaac Hayes is dead while Julie Newmar and George Takei are really old and who the hell knows what became of everyone else?

Anyway, picking up shortly after the second one, Zack and Mattie are going to get married.  A bunch of her relatives fly in from all over the galaxy and of course her parents don't really like Zack.  An uncle of hers has an ulterior motive as he has a claim for some land he wants to strip mine for draconium.  Buteo says that land is sacred to his people and wants Zack to rescind the uncle's claim, which puts him in an awkward position.

Zack, the uncle, and Buteo all ride out to inspect the land and see if it's worth fighting over.  Lash, meanwhile, hears of what's going on and with her henchman goes to follow Zack and the others and see if they have something of value--to then take it from them.

Meanwhile in town, Stell Barr and Miss Kitty are keeping an eye on Mattie.  An old suitor of hers has shown up in town and they try to keep him from rekindling things with Mattie.  Also meanwhile, Mattie's grandma or an old aunt hits on Mr. Gaunt and they have a roll in the hay.  In the morning he senses death and worries she died after their lovemaking but it turns out to be someone else.

Zack, the uncle, and Buteo arrive to inspect the land and find some natives there who know Buteo.  In a tomb or shrine or something, they find some draconium the natives basically used as decoration without knowing it was valuable.  Lash and her henchman show up and there's a fight.  To escape, the uncle has to cut a deal with the natives to not strip mine their sacred land.  They escape and Lash and her henchman are presumed dead.

That night, Zack has a bachelor's party at Miss Kitty's.  Buteo and the uncle have reached an agreement and everything seems on track but Zack is bummed seeing Mattie's family and realizing he has none of his own.  And then Miss Kitty reveals that she's his mother and never told him because she didn't want him to be embarrassed and so on and they make up.

The next day is the wedding with everyone there and they get married and live Happily Ever After.  And then there's some indication that Lash has survived to maybe try to take revenge someday.

The End?

I'm working on a soft reboot idea too, which probably could be a movie.  It won't be, but that's not the point.