Rating Movies: Grumpy Bulldog v Tony Laplume: The Penultimate Entry!

With Laplume's 2020 entry of capsule reviews, I only had 6 movies I had watched as well because there were so few in theaters in the first pandemic year.  With theaters unwisely opening during that year, the next year saw an attempt to get "back to normal."  So there are more matches for 2021, though I never watched any of them in theaters.

Unlike a couple of previous ones, I had almost all of the ones I had seen on this blog.  There was only one I had to look for on Facebook.  So that made it easier for me.

This time around, a few on Laplume's list sounded interesting or I remembered at the time they came out I had thought about watching them later but never got around to it so I tracked them down using this handy site.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (Laplume)

rating: ***

review: Basically this whole era of Spider-Man only exists because the MCU was looking for a boost of interest.  Otherwise it's really had no clue how to justify itself.  This incredibly gimmicky third entry finds it in shamelessly bringing back characters and actors from the prior two [franchises].  But it works.

Me:

Spider-Man No Way Home:  Speaking of multiverses...Since this was on Starz and not Disney+, it took me a while to watch it.  I had to actually sign up for Starz when it was 99 cents on Black Friday.  I've never really been a big fan of the Tom Holland MCU Spider-Man.  It never really felt like Spider-Man to me because of the half-assed way it all came together and him galivanting around with Iron Man and in space and all that.  Not until he was swinging around New York with MJ at the end of the second movie did it really start to feel like actual Spider-Man.

In that ending, Peter Parker's secret identity was revealed, which is the key issue of this movie.  To try to get people to forget, he goes to Dr. Strange, but the spell goes awry and villains from all the other movies are drawn into the MCU:  Norman Osborn (Green Goblin), Dr. Octopus, and Flint Marko (aka Sandman, the Marvel one, not the Neil Gaiman one) from the Tobey Maguire movies and Lizard and Electro from the Andrew Garfield movies.  So we cover all the movies, especially when Maguire and Garfield show up.

The first 2/3 is amusing and "fun" in the Marvel way but again not really much of a Spider-Man movie.  It's the last third where Tom Holland's Peter really becomes Peter Parker when he loses all the MCU baggage--including his aunt.  Without the Avengers, the Stark tech, and all that, Peter Parker is actually Peter Parker:  a poor but brilliant high school kid with spider powers that he uses to fight evil because of the responsibility he feels.  It took almost 6 movies but they finally got this version of the franchise pretty much where the other two versions began.

I can't help thinking this movie could have worked better without all the multiverses and guest stars and pizazz.  Peter losing everything and rebuilding his life would have made a great movie on its own, but it might have been harder to sell it to casual fans. (3/5)

The Courier (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: My biggest surprise discovery of the year would've been standard acclaim material in any other era: Benedict Cumberbatch in a spotlight as he suffers the depravities at the height of the Cold War.  If I hadn't randomly decided to watch it in the theater early in the year, I probably would never have known it happened at all.

Me:

The Courier:  I had this movie on my Amazon Prime queue for probably over a year.  This was a decent movie if you like le Carre-type spy movies versus something like The Gray Man.  I mean this has no car chases or explosions or shootouts.  It starts in 1960 when a British salesman (Benedict Cumberbatch) is recruited to meet a Russian military officer in Moscow who wants to pass intel to the West.  Over the next couple of years the salesman works as the courier, but things go south during the Cuba Missile Crisis.  It's not exactly a fun movie but it's tense and interesting and pretty well made.  I mentioned on Facebook I liked the part where they use a kid's reusable drawing pad to exchange messages so they can't be listened in on.  Take that, Bond!  (3/5)

No Time to Die (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: The second and only other time critics actually liked Daniel Craig as Bond (Skyfall, basically a desperate attempt to justify Judi Dench in the franchise) is basically also the only time I didn't.  The audacity of No Time is that it dares to complete the story, which Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace had originally suggested was this version of the character's hallmark.  This, then, is the first time the story has an ending, that James Bond has an actual arc.  It's the Dark Knight Rises of 007.  It's a new wrinkle in the mythology.  

Me:

No Time to Die:  "Well-made trash" is how I could describe a lot of Bond movies--but not really this one.  I have not been a huge fan of the Daniel Craig Bond movies that often seemed too concerned with constant movement and dumb plot twists.  But this final film gives Craig's Bond an actual character arc as he goes on one last big mission to stop a bad guy planning to use a secret virus to kill millions--which would have been less awkward if this had been released in 2019 as it was originally slated.  There are still plenty of chase scenes and fights, but there's more of a purpose for Bond this time around, which makes it more worthwhile.  But really, for a guy who deals in secrets and lies, Bond is pretty easy to deceive as it turns out. (3/5) (Fun Fact:  I was curious at the end to see if this would say, "James Bond Will Return" as they usually do--in the old days it was with the title of the next movie but then with studio troubles and such that was sometimes hard to predict--and it does, which was a little disappointing because it pretty much negates the ending.  Saying "007 Will Return" would have made it a little more open.  I mean, I know James Bond is going to return, just like Batman or Spider-Man and so forth but we just had the big emotional death scene like 10 minutes ago.  Give us a little time with that, why don't you?)

Needle in a Timestack (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: Another genre spectacle, this time from John Ridley, involving more time travel hijinks in innovative ways, someone changing the timeline trying to find their perfect reality, and finding poignant results.

Me:

Needle in a Timestack:  Like The Time Traveler's Wife or The Lake House or other things, this is a love story but with a sci-fi twist.  The twist takes nearly a half-hour to show up though.  First we have Nick and Janine, a happy black middle class couple in the not-too-distant future.  Then all the sudden there's like this sort of tidal wave effect and everyone is just like, "Oh, another time slip."  Because apparently people who have enough money can travel in time and sometimes there are ripples that can change things.  There are even companies promising to safeguard your data during a time slip.  The first time it happens not much changes except the couple's dog is a cat.  But then there's a much bigger time slip and suddenly Nick is married to Alex, the girl he was seeing before Janine.  And Janine is with Tommy (Orlando Bloom) a rich guy who presumably is the one who changed things.  Then there's another time slip that leaves Nick with no one until the end where maybe things will end well.  Or maybe not?  I guess it's up to you. At one point early on Nick wonders if they used to have kids and it shows them playing with kids, but this point is never brought up again.

Overall it's a good story.  A little slow in parts.  Probably could have been cut by at least a half-hour if not cut down to a 45-50 minute episode of The Twilight Zone or Black Mirror.  I think both shows have probably done something similar.  And shows like The Outer Limits or whatever.  Still, it'd probably be a good watch with your significant other on Valentine's Day or an anniversary or date night.  Just saying. (3.5/5) (Fun Fact:  this is based on a story by Robert Silverberg, which I'm sure is pretty different from this since it was probably written a long time ago.)

The Virtuoso (Laplume)

rating: ***

review: A nice spotlight for recent Star Trek renaissance actor Anson Mount.  His narration as the start of the movie is itself worth watching to experience.  I guess I just like his voice.

Me:

The Virtuoso:  This isn't about someone playing musical instruments.  This is about Anson Mount as an assassin who has a job with some collateral damage.  Then he goes to a small town in the Poconos to find out who or what "White Rivers" is and in the process finds out some other assassins are in town.  It's slow but tense and well-crafted.  Voiceover can be annoying sometimes, but Mount's rich, soothing tones are nice; he should do relaxation videos.  It mostly avoids the cliches of assassin movies.  My only complaint is Anthony Hopkins should probably just retire; his soliloquy at one point was not really great but who's going to tell him to do another take, right?  It could have used someone a little more spry.  Abbie Cornish, Eddie Marsan, and a chubby David Morse also appear so it's a decent cast.  If not A-list then maybe B+ list.  (3.5/5) (Fun Fact:  Like The Ghostwriter or Layer Cake the main character's name is never given.  The credits just list the characters as "The Virtuoso," "The Waitress," "The Mentor," and even "The Dude," but not THAT the Dude; he does not abide in this movie.)

Settlers (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: For my purposes I include only cinematic releases.  I'm not sure this was, but I don't really care, as it's worth the exception.  A fine space western centering around a young girl struggling to survive terrible circumstances.  Worth considering for cult status for anyone who bothers to seek it out.

Settlers:  This is a somewhat slow sci-fi movie in the tradition of Solaris or Moon.  It focuses on a family on Mars.  Apparently it's far enough in the future that there's been enough terraforming or whatever that they don't need spacesuits to walk around and can breathe and everything.  (I guess spacesuits are expensive to film in and probably hard to act in, especially for a kid.)  Then the family comes under attack and young Remmy's parents are killed.  The last third or so of the movie posits the question:  what would it have been like if young Bruce Wayne and Joe Chill had been stranded on a desert island together?  By that I mean, what if you were forced to live with the dude who killed your parents?  It's kind of icky and grim.  The end was pretty predictable.  I literally predicted it about 10 minutes in advance.  Like Needle in a Timestack, it leaves it up to you, the viewer, to decide how you want it to end.  Always kind of a dick move.  Still it wasn't bad overall. (3/5) (Fun Fact:  South Africa stands in for Mars.)

Die in a Gunfight (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: What I'd like to consider an easy candidate for cult status, a retelling of Romeo & Juliet that also recasts the gang film genre into something more artistically ambitious.

Me:

Die in a Gunfight:  This is supposed to be sort of like if Romeo and Juliet had survived but like Rick and Ilsa in Casablanca been separated for a few years before getting back together.  There's copious amounts of narration by Billy Crudup that's reminiscent of Ron Howard in Arrested Development and some crude animation.  Then the story gets underway and it wasn't really very interesting.  Honestly I couldn't really pay much attention.  I started reading instead.  The attempts to translate the Montagues and Capulets to modern day as rich media companies didn't really work.  The lovers, Ben & Mary, had very little chemistry.  And why the hell did Ben jump in the way of a bullet when he had a gun and could have just shot the guy instead?  It was pretty lame. (2/5)

Boss Level (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: Qualifying as one of the miracles of the pandemic was the actual release of the much-delayed Boss Level from Joe Carnahan, which was the first of a one-two punch from him for the year.  A classic example of the time loop genre.

Me:

Boss Level:  Despite the video game title and references to video games in the movie, this isn't really a video game movie.  This Hulu original is in that subgenre of films since 1992 where you can say, "It's like Groundhog Day, but..."  In this case it's like Groundhog Day, but this former Delta Force guy (Frank Grillo) keeps getting killed by assassins.  Each time he comes back to life to repeat the same day, he gets a little farther along.  Though he's kinda dumb in that it takes him 140 tries to realize he should try opening the gift his ex-wife gave him.  And even more tries to realize they're tracking him.  Director Joe Carnahan uses a lot of his cut-rate Tarantino shtick from Smokin Aces in having all these varied, goofy assassins starting with a guy with a machete, then football star Rob Gronkowski in a helicopter with a Gatling gun, then a soccer mom in a minivan with Hitler's gun, an Asian woman with a sword who always says after a kill her name and "I have done this," and a redneck who uses kind of a harpoon to drag kills behind his truck.  Mel Gibson cashes a paycheck as the villain who really doesn't put up a boss level fight, and Naomi Watts is unrecognizable as the main guy's ex-wife, who's a scientist at the heart of it all.  Michelle Yeoh appears as a sword fighting champion in the most Groundhog Day-like segment where the guy uses her to learn sword fighting, each day getting a little better at it.  Overall it's a fun movie even if not particularly deep or meaningful. (3/5)

Copshop (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: If you loved Robert Rodriguez's early films you'll probably enjoy this second Joe Carnahan romp from the year.  Both are also excellent showcases for Frank Grillo, by the way.

Me:

Copshop:  I remember seeing commercials for this during the pandemic in 2021.  It's the kind of movie I probably would have rented on Redbox or whatever, but I never got around to it.  Then Tony Laplume did a mini-review of it and I found it on Peacock, so I watched it.  And wished I hadn't.

The movie is from Joe Carnahan, who after the fairly decent Narc has spent most of his career as a wanna-be Tarantino or Guy Ritchie with movies like Smokin' Aces.  This is just another of those.  A long-haired Frank Grillo gets himself arrested by punching a black female cop named Val Young.  She takes him back to a sheriff's office in Gun Lake, Nevada (GUN Lake, hardy har har) where soon enough Gerard Butler is brought in for drunk driving.  Butler is looking to kill Grillo but then things get more complicated when another assassin (Toby Huss of King of the Hill) shows up.  And supposedly exciting mayhem ensues but it was mostly just dumb and boring.  I guess we should be thankful Carnahan stopped at two wacky assassins for this one.

The problem is there are no characters I could really care about.  Grillo keeps whining about his family but that's all the depth his character has.  Butler has a sense of honor or something but there's very little to him.  Huss is just annoying.  Val Young is supposed to be the hero but the only backstory they give her is she has a spouse (not shown) and her grandpa or great-grandpa was a Nazi soldier in North Africa.  Ick.  The other cops in the "copshop" are less competent than the cast of Reno 911.  Really Lieutenant Dangle and company probably would have wrapped this up sooner.  It drones on and on for a while and in the end there's not even really any final resolution.  And Young's imitating Robocop's gun drawing technique really never had a payoff.  Just saying. (2/5)

Snake Eyes (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: If not quite The Dark Knight, this is probably the closest we're liable to see anytime soon to G.I. Joe being taken seriously as a cinematic property.  Another unfairly dismissed film from the year.

Me:

GI Joe Origins: Snake-Eyes:  I will have more to say on Wednesday.  Suffice it to say it was not even that well-made of trash.  The first 3/4 are a decent kung-fu movie but when it tries wedging in the GI Joe stuff it starts going off the rails. (2/5)

Free Guy (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: This was basically Ryan Reynolds' audition for the Disney version of Deadpool.  A very rare original blockbuster idea for the modern era.

Me:

Free Guy:  I think this was one of those movies delayed by the pandemic that probably would have made more money if it had been released in a normal time.  Anyway, the premise is sort of like The Lego Movie where an ordinary boring character suddenly realizes there's a whole other big world out there.  In this case it's Ryan Reynolds as an NPC, one of those background guys in video games, who suddenly gains free will.  There's a girl with colorful hair just like The Lego Movie who helps Guy explore the world and becomes his love interest, though it's different in that she exists in the real world and he doesn't.  Taika Waititi is the bad guy who runs the software company and stole a lot of code from two small time programmers.  The company tries to destroy Guy but with the girl's help he fights back.  It drags on a little too long but there are some fun Easter eggs, especially in the end fight with "Dude," a buffer Ryan Reynolds.  These eggs show what happens when you own Marvel and Star Wars and Fox.  (3/5) (Fun Facts:  Ryan Reynolds and Taika Waititi were both in Green Lantern and both movies were produced by Greg Berlanti, a founder of the "Arrowverse."  Hugh Jackman, Deadpool's arch-enemy, voices an informant in an alley.  I watched the movie on Disney+ but it's also apparently on HBO Max.)

Pig (Laplume)

rating: ****

review: The very rare exception to the modern rule that you probably won't personally be interested in Nicolas Cage's further career if you liked him in his earlier stages when he was doing serious material.

Me:

Pig:  This was a 2020 Nic Cage offering.  Imagine John Wick if it were really slow and depressing with pretty much no body count, but a lot of going to restaurants and bakeries and talking about food.  Nic is a crazy former chef who retired to the wilds of Oregon to live with his truffle pig.  Then some tweakers steal the pig and he goes to Portland to track it down with the help of a young guy who buys his truffles.  It was mostly OK but not really much fun to watch. (3/5)

Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (Laplume)

rating: ***

review: Both of these films are enjoyable throwbacks with excellent casts.

Me:

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard:  2017's The Hitman's Bodyguard was a fun movie, though not particularly great.  Basically Ryan Reynolds was Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L Jackson was Samuel L Jackson and they just did their shtick to a plot that was basically Midnight Run in Europe.  There weren't really many loose ends to tie up, but the movie made money, so they of course had to make a sequel.  Plus it gave everyone a free trip to Croatia!  And also Italy, Portugal, and the UK.  The title is only barely accurate as Reynolds isn't really the hitman's wife's bodyguard.  They are together quite a bit for the first two acts, but it's not really the same thing as the last movie.  Samuel L Jackson has been kidnapped and so they rescue him but then get embroiled in a plot by Antonio Banderas playing a Greek guy with either a bad wig or bad dye job to destroy the EU as revenge for sanctions against Greece.  There's a lot of violence and blood and cameos by Frank Grillo as an Interpol agent and Morgan Freeman as Reynolds's "father" and mentor.  Even if this hadn't been made on the cusp of the pandemic and released during it, it probably wouldn't have made much money because it's just a fairly lame sequel that few wanted and no one needed.  If you have Netflix, watch Reynolds in Red Notice instead--it's slightly better! (2.5/5) (Fun Facts:  Last time I noted if Deadpool becomes part of the MCU he and Jackson--and Elodie Yung who wasn't in this movie--were both part of that.  This time you have two extra MCU alums in Selma Hayek from Eternals and Frank Grillo from Captain America: The Winter Soldier.  At one point Samuel L Jackson grabs a mace and says, "Let's see what what a mace will do."  You know, because he played Mace Windu?  Get it?  Yeah, that's the caliber of humor you should expect.)

Black Widow (Laplume)

rating: ***

review: The much-much belated solo film from one of the characters who debuted earliest in the MCU is fairly standard material for the franchise(s).

Me:

Black Widow:  After years and years of dragging its feet, Marvel finally made a Black Widow solo movie (after killing her character off) and Disney finally released it--and then had to pay Scarlett Johannson a settlement for putting it on streaming.  Anyway, it's not a bad movie but what's the point?  Mostly to set up a new Black Widow, her "sister" Yelena.  They have to take down the resurgent group that made them Black Widows with the help of Red Guardian (David Harbour) and their "mother" (Rachel Weisz, still looking good) and defeat the Taskmaster, who's kind of a cyborg and a complete deviation from the actual character in the comics.  It was OK but a six-episode series on Disney+ probably would have been better to flesh out some of the characters and background.  But thankfully it solves that great mystery:  where did that green vest Natasha wore in Infinity War come from?  I mean, wasn't that keeping you up nights too?  (Fun Fact:  in the beginning when they're in Ohio, I didn't realize Natasha was a girl until it mentioned it in the captioning.   Just saying.) (3/5)

Wrath of Man (Laplume)

rating: ***

review: I wasn't really into Guy Ritchie earlier in his career, but I am now, and this was a fine way to help segue to what I consider 2023 being a career year.

Me:

Wrath of Man:  The hook for this movie is it reunited director Guy Ritchie with Jason Statham, who starred in Ritchie's early movies like Revolver, Snatch, and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.  Instead of the UK, it takes place in Los Angeles.  And unfortunately it's more well-made trash.  You could say Ritchie is parodying himself with a lot of style but not much substance.  Basically like the Nic Cage movie 211 I talked about a couple times before there's a crew of former Army guys (led by Burn Notice's Jeffrey Donovan) knocking over armored cars.  Jason Statham is a mob boss whose dorky son is killed in one of the robberies and so after killing a bunch of criminals, he joins an armored car service to wait for the bad guys.  It's a sorta simple plot that Ritchie tries to make a lot more complicated by not telling things in order and jumping POVs.  I suppose the tricks are necessary, because we know what's going to happen:  Statham and the former Army guys are going to tangle.  It's definitely not as good as Ritchie/Statham's previous team-ups. (2/5) (Fun Fact:  I thought this originally streamed on HBO Max but I saw it on Paramount+ and also saw it advertised on Amazon Prime.)

Lansky (Laplume)

rating: ***

review: A fine minor mob movie featuring Harvey Keitel and Sam Worthington.

Me:

Lansky:  This is a recent movie on Amazon Prime.  As far as recent gangster biopics, it's better than 2018's Gotti with John Travolta or 2020's Capone starring Tom Hardy.  It's not as cheesy as the former or weird as the latter.  It's a pretty straight-ahead story with the familiar framing device of the old Lansky (Harvey Keitel) calling down a reporter (Sam Worthington, that guy who seemed poised for stardom in 2009 but was unknown again by 2012) to tell his life story.  Meanwhile, the reporter has financial/marital troubles and conducts an affair with a woman in his motel. In flashbacks we see Lansky and his friend Ben "Bugsy" Sigel creating a crime syndicate in New York and starting up Las Vegas's casino industry.  He also claims to have helped the government root out German spies in New York in WWII and donated a lot of money to the future government of Israel.  This is one of those movies where I'm not really sure how much you can trust entirely or how fast-and-loose it might be playing with the facts.  Also kind of irritating when you have both Keitel and Worthington taking turns on the narration.  Whose story is this? (2.5/5)

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (Laplume)

rating: **

review: Really, even before the climax proves to be an exact copy of the original, I wasn't as wowed as I expected to be by this.

Me:

Ghostbusters: Afterlife:  Fun Fact:  I was never a fan of Ghostbusters.  Not even the song.  I was only 6 when the first movie came out and when I did see it, it kinda freaked me out.  I saw the TV show (both of them) sometimes but didn't like them and didn't have any toys or anything.  I never watched the reboot because I didn't care if the busters were guys or gals.  So what I'm saying is I didn't watch this with a nostalgia filter, which is something you really need.  Without it, you can really see how calculated it all is:  

Harold Ramis died, so we'll kill him off in the movie.  In the first scene, using a body double and trick shots that would embarrass the camera crew of Home Improvement.  New York City is expensive and difficult to film in (especially during a pandemic) so we'll say he moved to some town in Oklahoma--actually Alberta.  And he has a daughter who had two kids, one who's good at fixing cars and one who's a science nerd--how convenient!  And the science nerd makes friends with a nerdy Asian kid and a teacher (Paul Rudd) who's studying seismic disturbances.  And this small Oklahoma town is the most diverse small Oklahoma town ever so we can check off all the boxes for Affirmative Action--sorry to sound like a Trump supporter but how many small Oklahoma towns do you think have young people of all races working in the same crappy diner?  And then we need a crisis that our kids look into Goonies/Stranger Things-style before it gets even bigger and wouldn't you know we have all the other busters show up--including the ghost of Harold Ramis?  Which I guess they could deepfake his ghost body but not his voice?  Anyway, I'm making it sound bad, but it wasn't really.  It was decent for what it was.  It's just hard for me to love it considering I don't really care that much about the franchise.  

I'm sure if you love it, you'll be squealing with delight to see the Ecto-1 and proton packs and the old guys and Marshmallow Men and hear those lines like, "There is no [blank] only Zuul."  It's just not my thing. (3/5) (Fun Facts:  McKenna Grace looks like a live action version of Pidge in the Netflix Voltron show I'd watched a few weeks before this.  She also sings the closing theme song.  The two cookie scenes feature a pointless cameo from Sigourney Weaver with Bill Murray and the second one at the very end has a good scene between Ernie Hudson and Annie Potts.  Though I thought they said the old firehouse was a Starbucks, so how can he be going back in there with it empty?)

The Suicide Squad (Laplume)

rating: **

review: I'm hoping James Gunn isn't as enamored with his weirder tendencies with his further DC duties than he allowed himself to be with this one.

Me:

The Suicide Squad:  I didn't like the first movie and while this changed much of the cast and the director, I still didn't really like it.  The Squad is sent to an island off South America to destroy a mad science project.  The team this time includes Bloodsport (Idris Elba), Ratcatcher II, Polka Dot Man, King Shark (voiced by Sly Stallone), and Peacemaker (John Cena).  Rick Flag and Harley Quinn reprise their roles as well.  Like the first movie where I liked Diablo the best because he actually had a character arc, in this I liked Ratcatcher the best, maybe because I had an antihero who spoke to rats in the Scarlet Knight books.  Bloodsport just felt like a placeholder for Will Smith's Deadshot while King Shark felt like a placeholder for Killer Croc and Polka Dot Man a placeholder for Captain Boomerang, albeit a better character.  There's a lot of blood, gore, and rats before it ends.  It was just over 2 hours but felt more like 5 hours to me.  It's good I got this free on Redbox. But if you're sick of Pete Davidson, this features him getting shot in the face, so maybe just rewind that and watch it over-and-over again.  (2/5) (Fun Fact:  Despite the lackluster performance of this movie, WB made James Gunn the head of their creative team.  This being a James Gunn film, we of course have an appearance by Michael Rooker early on as Savant, who's the placeholder for Slipknot, the guy who could climb anything and had his head blown up early on.  James Gunn's brother Sean plays Weasel, who's revived in a cookie scene while Peacemaker is revived in the second cookie scene.)

The Little Things (Laplume)

rating: ***

review: Denzel Washington, Jared Leto, and Rami Malik in another throwback to the '90s.  Well worth watching these guys work alone.

Me:

The Little Things:  This was made by WB during the pandemic, so that's why I had never really heard much about it until I saw it on Hulu and finally watched it.  Maybe it was on HBO Max before I got rid of HBO or it might have been one of those where you could watch it at home for $20 or some absurd price but if so I never watched it.  The movie stars Denzel Washington as a Kern County deputy who goes to LA to pick up a piece of evidence.  But then he gets involved in the investigation of a serial killer that's led by Rami Malek.  They start investigating and you know the bad guy is going to be Jared Leto by that Family Guy bit on Law & Order logic where he was the only other big name we hadn't seen yet.  Except...is he the killer?  Or just a weirdo who wants to mess with the cops?  The answer is...inconclusive.  Overall while well made it's kind of slow.  No big chase scenes or anything like that.  It's supposed to be taut and gritty but ends up more sleepy and bland.  But Jared Leto gets hit with a shovel, which I found as satisfying as Pete Davidson getting shot in the face in The Suicide Squad.  You might want to stop and rewind that part a few times to savor it. (2.5/5) (Fun Facts:  the movie takes place sometime in the early 90s for...reasons.  I watched it on July 19th and on the door of one victim's refrigerator was a flyer advertising the then-unknown band No Doubt playing the Roxy on July 19th.  Serendipity!) 

Midnight in the Switchgrass (Laplume)

rating: **

review: The latter-day Bruce Willis has now been explained, so we all understand what's happened to the quality of his acting and career.  I caught this one since it was filmed and had its premiere here in Tampa, and has an interesting title.  Will watch again at some point to see if it's worth anything.

Me:

Midnight in the Switchgrass:  When I saw Tony Laplume had watched a cheap, lame action movie starring Bruce Willis and I hadn't, I was pretty annoyed.  How did I miss this?  So I found it on Peacock.  It is pretty lame.  Maybe slightly less cheap than the three above.  Willis is barely involved in this; he's not even around for the final resolution.  Mostly it's about Megan Fox going undercover and getting roofied by a creepy-looking trucker who, wouldn't you know, turns out to be a creep?  There's also another cop investigating who doesn't do much but does more than Willis.  While this wants to be Silence of the Lambs or something similar, it's really not.  It's not really exciting or thrilling.  The end especially was pretty lame, without much of a payoff.  I had to actually watch it a second time to make sure that was really it.  Barely passable entertainment. (2/5) (Fun Fact:  Text at the bottom of the screen calls the one cop guy's base "Division of Law Enforcement Florida" but his shirt says "FLED" and then he calls himself a state trooper to someone else.  Which is it?)

Godzilla vs. Kong (Laplume)

rating: **

review: I actually haven't seen the whole thing, but from what I did see it seemed much more interested in continuing one of the two monster movies series than both.  But it's both anyway.

Me:

Godzilla vs. Kong:  It was decent for a monster movie.  Some decent fights and not too much boring human crap.  The plot is pretty predictable; think of a shorter, more coherent Batman v Superman.  Weird there was no cookie scene during the credits; I guess WB isn't sure where the franchise will go next.  A Godzilla/Kong/Pacific Rim crossover would be so awesome. (2.5/5)

Laplume did a bunch of other movies but then I'm sure I watched some 2021 movies he didn't watch.  Whatever.  There's only 2022 left whenever he gets around to writing his entry.  Tick, tock...