Turning Fan Fiction to Regular Fiction

 After I did the Jetfire Saga thing, I went and reread the "Apocalypse Trilogy" of The Skyfire Adventures that were the basis for especially part 2 of the Jetfire Saga thing.  And I didn't hate it as much as I feared I would.  There were a lot of comma splices and head-hopping, but the story itself wasn't too bad.  Mostly I just needed to slow it down and develop it more.  But I was 20 years old and in college and most of the time working part-time, so I didn't have a lot of time for other stuff.

Anyway, I got thinking that if I wanted, I could probably take those three stories and spin them off into a separate thing.  And really I could spin them off even further into a non-Transformers story.  

I mean the gist is a crew of explorers finds a planet with beings similar to them.  Then the planet tears itself apart and some kind of horrible thing is unleashed.  You don't need to use Transformers for any of that.  You don't even need a giant robot to be the big bad.  I personally like the giant robot to be the big bad, but it'd be easy to use a kaiju or some kind of energy thing or something like that.  The point is this planet suddenly starts coming apart and everyone has to be evacuated and then they have to fight the big bad.

The main explorer meets the female leader of the planet and while touring the planet and stuff, they fall in love.  Then they have to work together for the evacuation and fighting the big bad.  Our hero sacrifices himself to save the leader of the planet but then comes back and she sacrifices herself to save everyone--and then she comes back too.

It would be pretty easy to do as a fairly normal sci-fi story. 

I could do the same for the Voyager fanfic I wrote that was sort of an evil Lower Decks.  Basically an ambitious ensign was assigned to Voyager as a punishment and then is pissed to be stranded in the Delta Quadrant, so he leads a mutiny.  In the end he's set adrift but manages to get to Earth ahead of Voyager and starts laying the groundwork to rise to power.

Again, you could do all of that like a normal sci-fi story.  There's a ship out in space and a disgruntled dude leads a space mutiny.  Though he's set adrift, he's able to get home and make himself seem like a hero.

And you could even combine the two into a series.  Like someone gets disgruntled after the first story and then stages a mutiny against our hero of the first story.  Then there could be a third story to make it a trilogy where the disgruntled dude reaches home first and sets up a nasty welcome for our heroes.

Anyway, Happy New Year!

The Jetfire Saga: Pt 3

So in the first two parts, the Autobot scientist Jetfire crashed on ancient Earth, awoke in the present, was thrown to a distant planet populated with Transformers, fell in love with the planet's leader, and helped her destroy the planet when it came to life and tried to kill everyone.  In the process they gave birth to a daughter, Nighthawk.

Today's final episode takes cues from my fanfic story Xenophobia and Transformers The Movie.

A few years later, the ragtag group of ships are heading towards Cybertron--or hope they are.  While Jetfire is a great scientist and Hippolyta is a great diplomat and leader, their daughter really has no interest in any of that.  She wants to be a great warrior, but there's not much to fight and so she's restless.  (Basically Nighthawk is like a teenager.)  They haven't actually told her she's their sorta-daughter; they just said they found her spark inside the planet and made a body for it.

Then they come across a Cybertronian ship that's crashed on a moon or something.  They investigate to find some of Jetfire's companions like Wheeljack, Hoist, Grapple, Perceptor, Beachcomber, and Skids.  There are also some Decepticons like Bludgeon, Bugly, Skullgrin, and Iguanus.  (Because the Pretenders need some love.)  Though Jetfire is reluctant to reactivate the Decepticons, he does so.  The Decepticons had intercepted the Autobot ship and boarded it and both crashed on the moon.  

The good thing is the crashed ship navigation data can help them find their way back to Cybertron.  It should only take a couple of months.  So long as the Decepticons don't start any shit, they can come along.  Bludgeon promises they'll be good. [wink]

While Jetfire is glad to see some of his old buddies, Nighthawk starts spending a lot of time with Bludgeon.  His whole samurai warrior code thing is really cool to her.  She finally decides she's going to be a Decepticon!

They finally close in on Cybertron only to find that it's under attack by Unicron!  (There's this whole thing that Cybertrax, the planet in the previous entry, is the father of Unicron and Primus, aka Cybertron, and sensing that one child was going to eat the other, he woke up and went crazy.)  Jetfire and Hippolyta plot to get some kind of big bomb inside of Unicron's chest to hopefully do a lot of damage.  Nighthawk wants to go with them, but they have some of the sciencey Autobots stay with her.

They launch their attack while forces on Cybertron and such are also attacking.  But things go wrong and Jetfire and Hippolyta wind up stuck inside Unicron, trying to survive his inner defenses.  Nighthawk asks the Decepticons to go with her to save them, but Bludgeon and the others refuse while the Autobots agree to go with her.  At the cowardice of the Decepticons and heroism of the Autobots, Nighthawk peels off her Decepticon sign and becomes an Autobot.

She and a ship with the Autobots head towards Unicron.  While the shuttle of Autobots is attacked, Unicron doesn't seem to notice Nighthawk.  She's able to get inside and find her parents.  They tell her the story of how her spark was formed and Jetfire surmises that its unusual creation is probably why Unicron isn't detecting her.  So she convinces them to let her take the bomb to Unicron's spark chamber.  While she's doing that, Jetfire, Hippolyta, and the others create a distraction so Unicron won't notice until it's too late.  Even Bludgeon and the Decepticons show up to help, having been shamed into it by Nighthawk.

Nighthawk makes it and plants the bomb, but then Unicron finally notices her and seemingly traps her.  The bomb goes off and Unicron is blown into pieces.  Jetfire and Hippolyta mourn their daughter...but then she zooms out of the wreckage, unharmed.

There's a big celebration on Cybertron and Nighthawk, Jetfire, and Hippolyta all hug and stuff like that.  Later, the Cybertraxians are settling on Cybertron and Hippolyta is going to help them get settled.  Jetfire wants to get back to work on scientific pursuits along with his Autobot buddies.  Nighthawk begins warrior training and meets Optimus Prime.

The End...?

The Jetfire Saga, Pt 2

Happy Boxing Day!  Here's Part two of my Jetfire trilogy.  This one is based mostly on the first 6 stories in my Skyfire Adventures fanfic series from the late 90s, mostly stories 4-6.

Jetfire seemed to blow up, but really he's thrown across space to a distant planet.  He crashes down on a planet that's full of Transformers!  The planet is called Cybertrax or something like that.  The residents fix Jetfire up and he meets their leader Hippolyta, who is a female bot.  She shows him around the planet and tells him about her people and they fall in love.  Jetfire isn't sure how to get back to Cybertron (or Earth) but at this point he's not too worried.

Then there are violent tremors shaking the planet, all the way down to the core.  Jetfire and Hippolyta go down into the core only to find a lot of strange machinery.  And then the planet itself starts to transform into a really big dude.  The planet, Cybertrax himself, has also gone crazy and starts trying to kill everyone while raving about "his children."  Jetfire and Hippolyta get everyone off the planet.  Then she goes back to use her Matrix of Leadership.

Jetfire follows her and when the Matrix isn't doing it, they add their sparks to it.  The combined reaction destroys Cybertrax!  Later, Jetfire and Hippolyta wake up floating in space.  And instead of the Matrix, there's a third spark floating with them.  

Hippolyta's people have boarded ships and they get on one.  She and Jetfire build a body to hold the spark they found and the body soon comes to life as Nighthawk, their "daughter."

Without a planet, Hippolyta and Jetfire lead her people towards Cybertron.

Wednesday is the final part! 

The Jetfire Saga, Pt 1

 We did Optimus and Megatron, so just for the hell of it (and really who's reading blogs on XMas Eve Eve?) let's do a movie for my favorite Transformer:  Jetfire!  I was just going to do just one but then I thought to make it a whole trilogy!  Because I can.

Long ago on Cybertron, Jetfire is a scientist who believes that the way to improve things for everyone is through better technology.  One day, along with his assistant Starscream, he's testing out a new dimensional gateway thing that could let Cybertronians go just about anywhere in seconds.  But during the test, some evil bots show up to steal its secrets.  Jetfire manages to blow it up, but winds up being sucked through the gate way and winds up crashing on a distant planet called Earth.  He's stranded in ice and goes offline for many, many years.

In present day, global warming helps to thaw Jetfire's location out enough that some scientists in the South Pole can find him.  An engineer in the group tinkers around with Jetfire and finally gets him working.  Jetfire talks to the human and learns where he is and when he is.

After a few days he takes a test flight--and runs into Starscream, Thundercracker, and Skywarp.  Jetfire really has no idea about the whole war thing, so he goes back to wherever the Decepticons are hiding out.  He joins with the Decepticons, who task him with rebuilding his dimensional gateway to make it easier for them to get reinforcements from Cybertron.

But soon Jetfire starts getting skeptical about Starscream in seeing how he treats humans and stuff.  Then some Autobots show up and while Jetfire helps to pacify them, Starscream is going to kill them.  Jetfire defends them and Starscream threatens to kill him.  It comes out that of course Starscream betrayed him all those years ago, arranging for the attack so he could steal the secrets.  Jetfire got in his way then, but he won't this time!

They fight and dogfight and eventually Jetfire blows up the gateway, though again he's sucked through it.

Where will he land this time?  Find out Monday...

(Fun Fact:  This was pretty much the plot of "Fire in the Sky," the G1 episode first introducing Skyfire, the cartoon version of Jetfire, pictured above.)

Optimus Prime: The Movie

If you do a Megatron movie, you should probably do an Optimus Prime movie too, right?  In the comics and TV shows, Optimus has a few different origins, but they all start out with a bot named Orion Pax.  In some Orion is a laborer.  In others he's an archivist.  And in more recent ones he's a cop.  I suppose the latter would be more exciting.

Basically the idea is Orion Pax is a good cop but sees corruption all around him, especially at higher levels.  And so when Megatron starts advocating for revolt, Orion actually agrees with him and joins the Decepticon cause.  But where he and Megatron differ is how to achieve their goals.  Megatron of course believes in violence and killing and tyranny.  Orion prefers more of the Gandhi or MLK Jr nonviolent approach and then letting the people of Cybertron decide.

They work together at first but when Megatron's second revolt begins and starts killing those in charge, Orion has to stand up and fight back along with other Autobots like Prowl, Sideswipe, Ratchet, Ironhide, and his girlfriend Elita-1.  And then the leader of Cybertron dies and the Matrix goes to Orion, who becomes Optimus Prime and vows to stop Megatron--no matter the cost.

Or something like that.

Megatron: The Movie

Are you not entertained?!

 OK, so I've done a bunch of fake Star Wars movie ideas.  Here's another idea, a Transformers idea.  Disney made villain-centric movies about Maleficent and Cruella and WB made a movie about the Joker, so why not make a movie about Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons?

The idea would borrow a lot from IDW comics in the 2000s-2010s, Transformers Prime, and the War for Cybertron cartoon on Netflix.  It's sort of a Gladiator/Spartacus thing--with Transformers! 

Long, long ago on Cybertron, the Autobots or some other faction ruled the whole planet.  Megatron was created as a mining machine and put to work in the mines.  But he didn't want to toil away in mines all the time just because he turned into a mining machine.  Why shouldn't he be able to do what he wants?  Freedom is the right of all sentient beings--oh wait, that's the other guy's thing.

He leads a rebellion in the mines but it fails.  He's taken to the gladiator pits, where the leaders figure he'll die.  But he doesn't.  Instead he's the greatest champion Cybertron has ever known!  This gives him fame and followers and lets him start getting his message out.

And so eventually he leads a second rebellion.  This one is more successful and starts the whole Cybertron civil war thing.  Near the end he kills some leader guy who put him in the gladiator pits and takes the dude's fusion cannon.

We'd probably see Orion Pax (aka Optimus Prime) and Bumblebee and other popular characters and of course Decepticons like Starscream, Soundwave, and Shockwave.  Paramount probably wouldn't go for it because it's not on Earth and so we can't cast stupid annoying humans in it. Wah, wah, wah. [eye roll]

You could do a framing device with humans set in modern day and Optimus or someone is telling them about Megatron.  Maybe that would placate Paramount?

Alternate Star Wars Episode VII-IX: The Chiss Ascendant

At this point I've read 4 of Timothy Zahn's six prequel books about Grand Admiral Thrawn, before he was a Grand Admiral.  I'd read the others if they weren't so expensive.  Anyway, in those books it explains that Thrawn is from outside the Outer Rim in "wild space."  He comes from a sort of empire in itself called the Chiss Ascendancy.  Since they put Thrawn in canon in Rebels, it would have been awesome if he could have been the villain in the sequel movies.

When my idea starts out, the New Republic is generally at peace.  Ben Solo is taking the tests to become a Jedi Knight on some world in the Outer Rim.  And that's when the vanguard of the Chiss fleet shows up.  They have some Force-suppressing ysalimari with them that allows them to kill Luke Skywalker--because how fucking epic would it have been to kill Luke off in the first 10 minutes of the first episode?  Yeah, we're not messing around here.

Luke buys time for Ben to escape into the wilderness, where he meets Rey.  He needs her help to elude capture by the Chiss and get back to the New Republic to tell them what's going on.  As they tramp through the wilderness or whatever, he starts to realize that Rey has Force abilities and maybe they start to fall in love and stuff.  He gives her a little training and Luke's green lightsaber.

In the meantime, Luke and Ben are way overdue and Leia, Han, and Chewie are worried.  While Leia would like to send a New Republic task force out there, that would probably be overkill, so Han and Chewie agree to take the Falcon out to the Rim to see if they can make contact.  Poe and a couple of X-Wings go with them as well.

Eventually Ben & Rey reach a city to find the Chiss are taking full control of it as a staging area.  They try to sneak onto a ship but get caught and taken up into space, where they see an armada of modified Star Destroyer-type ships.  They're taken to the Chimaera, where they meet Thrawn.  Maybe he has an eye patch or scars or something.

He sees a necklace Rey is wearing that she got from her mother years ago just before her mother died.  He studies it because of the intricate details but that's not all!  The necklace is actually a map to a secret Empire facility.  Putting it in a holographic projector, it brings up a location.  Then Thrawn has Ben and Rey sent to the brig.  There are ysalimari on the ship so they can't use the Force or anything.  

Meanwhile, Han, Chewie, and Poe continue trying to make contact, until they're met by some of Thrawn's forces.  They barely escape somewhere to regroup and try to figure out what's going on.

Of course Ben & Rey find some way to escape the brig and get to the hangar to steal a ship.  They have to dodge some TIE Defender-type fighters and turbolasers and shit and then the Falcon and Poe's X-Wings show up to help them escape.

Thrawn's XO laments the escape but Thrawn just shrugs and says it was inevitable that their invasion would be revealed.

In the next part, Rey and Ben meet Han, Chewie, and Poe and he delivers the bad news that Luke is dead.  Then they head back to Coruscant to give Leia the bad news.  She puts her grief aside to start assembling some forces to find the planet Thrawn is interested in, including Finn as a captain of some ground troops.

Meanwhile, Thrawn's fleet comes out of hyperspace at a remote planet.  There's a dormant volcano thing, inside which is the Emperor's "storehouse" of technologies he didn't want the rest of the galaxy to have--such as cloning tanks.  Thrawn begins cloning legions of Chiss troops--and something else.  There are also some interesting Doomsday-type prototypes the Emperor never had the chance to use, but Thrawn will now.

Our heroes find the planet and Han, Finn, Ben, and Rey lead a detachment of troops to scout the place while Poe and Leia oversee the ships and fighters.  There's soon a battle in space while on the surface, our heroes find the entrance to the storehouse.  There they run into Chiss warriors--and a clone of Luke Skywalker!  Ben and Rey have to battle Luke's clone while Han, Finn, and the others try to defeat the Chiss.

In orbit the battle goes sideways for the New Republic when Thrawn uses some kind of ion bomb or something to cripple most of the New Republic ships.  Soon, Leia has to order a retreat, leaving her husband, son, and the others.

They get word on the surface and manage to fight their way back to their shuttle and escape into hyperspace.  Thrawn orders everything dismantled to be moved before the New Republic shows up.  Then he uses some ysalimari to make sure clone Luke can't use the Force against him.

In the final part Thrawn is on the offensive--and winning thanks to his clone army and Doomsday weapons.  There would be some big battle over the New Republic capital planet while Ben and Rey get on Thrawn's ship to take on Luke's clone, who maybe turns to help them..  In the end, clone Luke does like his father did and destroys his master while the good guys escape.  Or whatever.

It occurs to me later I never said who Rey's mother was or why she had that necklace.  Maybe her grandmother was a mistress to the Emperor and gave that to her so she could rebuild the Empire should it become necessary.  She got pregnant and, rightly sensing Palpatine would be a shitty father, fled to the planet at the beginning before the Empire fell.  She met a dude and they raised her daughter who then had Rey and the necklace was just handed down from one generation to another as a pretty piece of jewelry.  So Rey would still be Palpatine's granddaughter, but in maybe a more sensible way than...however they did it in Episode IX.

I think I've milked the alternate Star Wars for all its worth.  Let me know which--if any--you actually liked and would pay to see.  We're going to finish out the year with some Transformers movie ideas that are all instantly better than anything Michael Bay has done.  

Alternate Star Wars Episode VII-IX: Arr, Me Hearty, Pirates!

I didn't like the first book of the High Republic series that features some pirates fighting Jedi like 300 years before Episode I, but I got thinking that pirates might have been an interesting villain for Episodes VII-IX, better than the First Order anyway.  

The idea is that there's a big election coming up with Leia against General Snoke for president or chancellor or whatever of the New Republic.  To help steer things his way, Snoke recruits Kylo Ren and a group of pirates to create a crisis by attacking targets in the New Republic.  Finn and Poe are guards for Leia who are dispatched to look into the attacks.  They need some discreet transport and so recruit Han and Chewie to take them somewhere.  They eventually find Rey on some planet where the pirates have a base.

The big finish for the first episode would be the pirates try to steer an asteroid into the capital of the New Republic.  Snoke then is supposed to be the big hero but when he's betrayed by Kylo, it's up to Finn, Poe, and Rey to stop the asteroid, which they do.  At the end Kylo reveals that he's really Ben Solo, who was kidnapped and thought to have died years ago, which had broken up Han and Leia's marriage.

Arr, matey! I be a pirate now!

In the second episode then Snoke has lost the election but the pirates are still rampaging around and so the good guys try to track them down.  Finn infiltrates the pirates while Poe stays with a fleet that always seems a step behind the pirates and Rey goes to find Luke Skywalker to learn more about the Force.  Finn finds out that Kylo is gathering more pirate bands and a bunch of other scum and villains.  And Rey learns more about the Force on some planet.

Eventually everyone comes together somewhere in a big fight where Rey and Luke fight Kylo while Finn battles some pirates and Poe leads fighters against the pirate ships.  Things take a turn when Luke is killed by Kylo and Snoke shows up with New Republic ships that start firing on the good guys.  Leia barely escapes the capital as Snoke takes over and declares the dawn of the Second Galactic Empire!

And so then in the third one the good guys have to gather loyal forces to defeat Snoke and his new Empire to restore the New Republic.  It would all end with a big battle on and around the capital planet with Rey confronting Kylo and Leia/Finn taking out Snoke and Poe leading the battle in orbit.  Of course in the end the good guys win and the New Republic is restored.  Yay!

Again I could probably try to fill in more details and stuff, but who really cares, right?  I think you get the gist.  Or not.

Alternate Star Wars Episode VII-IX: Invasion By Force

Slightly before the Obi-Wan Kenobi show I had one of those random thoughts while watching the animated shows:  why wasn't there some kind of Underground Railroad for Jedi and other Force users after Order 66?  And then the Obi-Wan Kenobi show actually featured something about that, so maybe I have the Force!

That thought collided with another about one of the problems with the sequel series was a pretty meh villain.  The First Order was basically just a cut-rate Empire with all the same stuff even.  Probably because it was so rushed into production that no one had time to design a bunch of new shit.  Anyway, while the 2000s books about a race called the Yuuzhan Vong invading the galaxy far, far away were pretty stupid, the principle was a good idea.

Now we get to the point:  what if a bunch of Force users who escaped Order 66 had formed their own colony and returned to the galaxy far, far away some 50 years later?  It's similar to something I wrote in 2010ish called Liberation Front that was about a human colony on Mars returning to Earth to "save" it from itself.  Only one of the Martian soldiers eventually realizes they're really conquerors not liberators and ends up helping to start a rebellion against her own people.

Rey would be the one who is part of the invading group but gets a conscience.  Probably her people would capture Finn and/or Poe and in talking to him/them she realizes that her people are doing more harm than good.  Then she joins up with Finn, Poe, Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie to repel the invading Force users led by Kylo Ren, who would not be a son of Han and Leia.  Snoke would be one of the original Force users who helped to found their colony.

The first movie would have the Force users invading and in the final act Rey turns on them to join the New Republic.  Then the second movie would have her and her new friends struggling to fight back as the Force users gain more ground.  Then in the third movie, Rey and the others would go to the colony of Force users to confront Snoke and get him to stop the invasion.  In the end Kylo Ren is killed and some of the other Force users come to Rey's side and the invasion is stopped to let them and the New Republic work things out.

I could probably try to work out the whole thing, but from last week's entries that gets really hard the farther down the rabbit hole you go.  So it's better to stick to just a broad overview.  I mean it's not like this would actually happen, right?

Though you could also reengineer this to be episodes X-XII.  Say it's like even longer, like 70 years since Order 66 or maybe like 20 years after Episode IX.  With Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia dead and Kylo Ren dead and Rey "Skywalker" just sort of wandering around, the New Republic has pretty much forgotten about the Force or Jedi.  

Then a bunch of Force users return to take over!  Poe and the New Republic initially try to take on the Force users, but they're getting their butts kicked.  He enlists Finn to find Rey to help.  Finn and Jennah and whoever have to dodge some evil Force users until Rey finds them.  Meanwhile, Poe and the New Republic military make a big stand, but when it fails, they have to fall back and try to regroup.

In the second part, Rey and Finn have to find and recruit some Force users of their own while the evil Force users continue their push towards the heart of the New Republic.  The fighting is getting desperate for Poe and the military.  It gets worse when the evil Force users come out with some big Force-powered weapon.  Rey is struck down while Finn and some of their new students manage to escape.

In the third part, Finn has to use his fledgling Force ability to help the others unlock as much potential as they can.  Along with Poe and what's left of the military, they plan one last assault to drive the evil Force users back.  This involves Finn and the good Force users getting on whatever the weapon is to stop it so Poe and the military can safely counterattack.  But of course things don't go to plan.  In the end, Finn unlocks more ability than he thought he ever had and destroys the head of the evil Force users.  He convinces the others to let go of their hatred and come back to the light side.

And so everyone gets together to start the healing and rebuilding...

Alternate Star Wars Episode III: Twilight of the Jedi

 Things have gotten pretty grim and it occurred to me that it really makes sense.  The reason the prequels should never really have been attempted is it's really a story all about death:

• Death of the Republic
• Death of the Jedi
• Death of Anakin Skywalker
• Death of Padme

And the birth of evil.  It's not really a happy story.  Lucas tried to sugarcoat it and that's why it doesn't work.  It's a story of evil prevailing, not a cutesy story for kids to cheer.  It was better for Lucas just to give a few vague details in the original trilogy and most of us would not really care that much.

But obviously I'm not going to sugarcoat it all that much.  Buckle up!

We start with a battle on some planet.  Ice, desert, water...whatever.  The Empire's forces are being routed and then Vader's fighter streaks over.  He strafes some of the Separtists before jumping out to start slaughtering them.  The idea here to show that Vader is a fucking badass, as most older fans watching the prequels were hoping for but had to wait to see until a tacked-on scene in Rogue One.

As Vader turns the tide, he feels a disturbance in the Force and goes back to his fighter to zip away, leaving his forces on their own.

Meanwhile, in the Jedi monastery from the previous entry, Padme is giving birth to Luke and Leia.  And none of this bullshit about her dying in childbirth for some vague reason.  While Obi-Wan is happy for Padme, he too senses a disturbance and knows Vader is going to be on his way to find his children.

(One thing that's bugged me for a while is how Vader and the Emperor could not know about Luke or Leia for almost 20 years.  Especially since Luke was living on Tatooine with the Lars family, whom Anakin knew, and using Anakin's surname.  Sure it's a backwater planet but it doesn't really make sense.  I think it's a plot hole that needs addressed.)

Obi-Wan contacts Yoda, who tells him to take Padme and the kids to an ancient Jedi temple, where some kind of rite can be done to hide them and other Force users from the dark side.  The rite needs a lot of Force power, so Yoda and some of the remaining Jedi have to go there as well.

Meanwhile Mace Windu or some other Jedi along with Grievous and the remains of the Separtists plot a scheme to try to tip the balance their way.  Using secret hyperspace routes only the Jedi know about, Mace and some others in a shuttle head to Coruscant.  Their plan is to capture the new Emperor and force the Empire to surrender.

Obi-Wan arrives at the temple and is shocked to find Maul there!  He survived his fight with Vader and hasn't repented, but he wants revenge and at this point the Jedi need all the allies they can get.  The ritual begins with the Jedi standing around in a circle and concentrating and/or chanting or some such shit like that.  But as they're doing it, there's the roar of a ship overhead.  Vader has found them!

The strike team lands on Coruscant to get the Emperor.  They make it into his throne room only for him to reveal his Sith lord powers.  The strike team is killed, except Windu, who's the last one.  He stays alive long enough for the Emperor to reveal his newest weapon:  Star Destroyers!  A whole fleet of them descending on the Separtist capital world.  And then Windu is killed while the Emperor laughs.

Maul faces Vader again to buy the Jedi time they need.  As they fight, it's clear Maul will lose, so Obi-Wan goes to help him.  They fight together while the others continue the rite.

The battle over the Separtist capital turns into a rout as the powerful new Star Destroyers massacre the older Separatist ships.  Grievous orders a retreat, but his ship is disabled and boarded by Stormtroopers.  Grievous goes down fighting, but he eventually is killed.  And with it the Separtists.

Obi-Wan and Maul are still fighting Vader but Maul is finally killed.  Obi-Wan continues alone.  Meanwhile the other Jedi complete the ritual so that Luke, Leia, and other Force users will be shielded from the dark side--for a while.  Yoda and Padme head for a ship while the others rescue Obi-Wan.  The odds are against Vader, but of course that doesn't stop him.  (My Vader is like Michael Myers or Jason Voorheis--only he can talk.)  The other Jedi are killed and Obi-Wan is the only one left.

Yoda and Padme get the kids on a ship and take off.  Vader has the upper hand on Obi-Wan, but seeing the ship taking off, he pushes Obi-Wan away with the Force or whatever so he can get back to his ship.  Obi-Wan heads for another ship left there only to find Yoda and the kids already aboard.  Padme took the other ship, knowing Vader would go after it.

Above the planet, Vader is bearing down on the ship, trying to disable it so he can board it.  Padme sends a message saying he'll never have her or their children.  Then she overloads the reactor so it blows up.

Obi-Wan and Yoda have meanwhile left the planet from the other side and enter hyperspace before Vader can see them.  They acknowledge Padme's sacrifice and decide to split up the kids to better the chances at least one will survive.

Vader returns to Coruscant, where the Empire is triumphant, though he's far less so.  Yoda takes Leia to Bail Organa and Obi-Wan takes Luke to Tatooine.  And it can end with that shot that ended the real Episode III.

Yeah, I know it's not a lot of "fun" but again this is a story about death.  It's not going to be lots of fun.  But there's still some hope at the end.  I'm not thrilled about my device to make Luke and Leia "invisible" from the Force or whatever but I couldn't think of a better alternative.  I mean there are no amulets or marking or anything like that or magic berries they could eat or some stupid thing like that, right?  Though maybe they could have a mark on their bottoms or somewhere we never actually see in the rest of the movies.  I'll have to think about it.

Anyway, I checked the boxes I wanted for this:

• Eliminate silliness:  Jar-Jar, podracing, Anakin as a kid, Yoda fighting, the "prophecy"
• Eliminate some plot holes:  also the "prophecy" and the Emperor/Vader not sensing the Skywalker twins
• Try to make a more even tone
• Give Vader His Balls Back

So there.  Next week are three different ideas for Episodes VII-IX.  They aren't as in-depth or intense as this was.

Alternate Star Wars Episode II: The Dark Side Rises

 You can read my Episode I entry from Monday to catch up on this alternate take on the Star Wars prequels.  Basically I'm doing a slightly more adult version with some changes to the story.

Anyway, when this starts, Anakin Skywalker is leading a clone assault on some planet.  The fighting is intense but the objective is taken.  After reporting back to base, he receives a mysterious message to meet on some planet.  He worries it might be a trap, but it's actually Padme, who by now is like 6 months pregnant and definitely showing.  When she says the baby is his, he is furious and asks if she's told anyone about the baby.  She hasn't and he threatens that she had better not reveal anything.  (My Anakin is not really a good guy.)

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan is searching for Maul.  The trail takes him to some planet where Maul is leading Separtists against the Republic.  There's a fight, but Maul is able to escape again.  Obi-Wan contacts the Jedi Council and promises to continue following Maul's trail.

After the escape, Maul is contacted by Palpatine, who tells him to hire some bounty hunters to find Padme and bring her back to Coruscant--alive.  Among those hired is Jango Fett.  Jango works some source to get on the trail of where Padme is holed up.

The Republic is going to make a major push and so Anakin has to ignore his problem with Padme to help lead the offensive against General Grievous, who by now is about half-droid.

Padme is at home one night when Jango breaks in to capture her.  She escapes to get a message for help out.  Obi-Wan picks up the signal and goes to whatever planet to fend off Jango and get Padme on his ship.  There she reveals who the father of her baby is and they head to Coruscant to talk to the Jedi Council.

Anakin is still fighting on some planet when Maul shows up and they duel.  Anakin is wounded but kills Maul--or thinks he does.  Afterwards, he's called back to the ship, where guards are waiting to take him into custody.  Anakin kills them and then steals a fighter to escape into hyperspace.

On Coruscant, word comes that Anakin has escaped.  Obi-Wan tells Padme that Anakin is going to come for her and the Council.  He promises that he and the other Jedi will protect her and do what they can to stop Anakin without killing him.

Anakin sneaks onto Coruscant and goes to the Jedi Temple.  He's spotted by a guard and kills some clone guards.  A few Jedi rush in to stop him, but he kills them too.  With Anakin fighting his way inside, Yoda starts getting the younglings on a ship to evacuate them to somewhere safe.  Obi-Wan takes Padme to join them.

They're just getting aboard when Anakin finishes a couple more Jedi off to reach the platform.  He tries to use the Force to stop the ship and does so for a moment, but Obi-Wan interferes.  The ship veers away and crashes in an industrial part of Coruscant.  The younglings are killed in the crash while Yoda and Padme are injured.  Obi-Wan is trying to get the survivors to safety when Anakin shows up to finish what he started.

He and Obi-Wan duel, ending up in a factory that's damaged and caught on fire from the crash--thanks to the Obi-Wan Kenobi TV show for the idea.  Anakin is winning the duel, but Obi-Wan destroys a support of the catwalk they're on.  They both fall  and Anakin tries to kill Obi-Wan in midair, but Obi-Wan deflects him away with the Force.  He manages to land mostly safe while Anakin falls into the fire and is badly burned.

Obi-Wan goes back to the crashed ship to find clone soldiers there to arrest him and any other surviving Jedi on orders of Palpatine.  Obi-Wan knocks the clones out to escape with Yoda, Padme, and any other survivors.

Meanwhile a shadowy figure squats next to Anakin and uses the Force to ease his pain.  He asks what Anakin would do for a chance at revenge and he says anything.  So he's taken away to be put in some bacta and then becomes Darth Vader.

In a speech, Palpatine says the Jedi have rebelled and become Separtist outlaws and so any Jedi will be eliminated.  He proclaims that it is necessary for him to take full power and become the Emperor.  Some like Bail Organa are pissed but Vader is there, watching silently and menacingly, daring anyone to challenge Palpatine.

Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Padme end up on some planet where there's an ancient Jedi monastery.  There's a medical droid and such to help care for Padme.  Then Yoda and Obi-Wan leave to rally those Jedi who remain and try to find a way to fix things.

It ends with Padme mourning what she's lost while putting a hand to her stomach--and the future.

If you want to do a cookie scene, then show Maul is still alive--or put it earlier. 

The story concludes on Friday...

(It's dark and depressing, but don't worry--it's only going to get worse!)

Alternate Star Wars Episode I: The Uprising

Friday I said how rewatching The Clone Wars finally gave me some ideas for how I'd redo the prequels.  Redo them in a slightly more mature fashion.  Basically a PG-13 fashion instead of PG.  Call it an alternate universe, the Grumpy Bulldog Star Warsverse!

First thing is to change the cause of the war to something a little more coherent than...whatever it was in the prequels.  Taxing trade routes or some fucking thing.  We'll use sort of a core concept and make it simple.  Basically the outer systems are tired of Coruscant and the "Core" systems dictating things to them.  They're feeling like the Core doesn't really represent them or get them, sort of how Trumpers claim to feel.

There's an uprising on Naboo or some other planet outside the core systems and the Jedi dispatch Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker to investigate.  In my version Anakin is not a "Chosen One" and there's no dumb prophecy or Immaculate Conception or anything like that.  He's just a seemingly typical Jedi who recently passed the trials to become a Knight.

Anyway, Palpatine has Darth Maul there to help stoke the rebel groups there against the rule of Queen Padme.  And to oversee production of a droid army that would probably be less stupid than the ones in the movies and TV shows.  One of the rebel leaders is General Grievous, who's still a fully flesh being at this point.

The Jedi are talking with Padme to get her take on things when the palace comes under attack.  Obi-Wan buys time for Anakin to escape with Padme and is then captured to be taken to Maul.  Maul has been itching to fight a real Jedi and so gives Obi-Wan the chance to fight for his life.  They start fighting but Obi-Wan sees a chance to escape and does so, which really enrages Maul.

Anakin and Padme's ship was damaged in the escape and so it doesn't get far before they have to crash land on a desolate planet I really don't want to be Tatooine because why does it need to be in everything?  The emergency beacon or commlink or whatever isn't working where they crash, so they have to begin a perilous journey to find help.  They talk about being a Jedi and ruling a planet and have to fend off a few predators or quicksand or whatever.  One night after fending something off they finally kiss-and then more, though being PG-13 we aren't going to show that.  But then the next morning they're captured by pirates!

Meanwhile Obi-Wan returns to Coruscant to brief the Jedi Council and Senate on what's happening on Naboo.  More uprisings have begun after the one on Naboo on other planets outside the Core and the Core Systems are all on high alert.  With the rising number of enemy drone soldiers, Palpatine proposes the Republic beef up its armed forces by using clones.  Cloning was outlawed hundreds of years ago because the clones created then were often unstable, but the Kaminoans assure the Republic that they've worked out the kinks now.

The Jedi really don't like the idea of tons of clones running around, so they take Obi-Wan and a bunch of other Jedi with a few military ships to Naboo to put down the uprising, thereby assuring senators that clones are unnecessary.

Meanwhile, Anakin and Padme are being questioned by pirates, who sense they're a big deal but want to know exactly the kind of deal they can get.  Anakin is beaten up and Padme is threatened, but being PG-13 she's not going to be raped or anything.  Eventually Anakin gets free and slaughters the pirates and then they're able to steal a pirate ship to head for Naboo as they hear there's a battle going on there.

Things are not going great for the Jedi over Naboo.  Besides a drone army, there's also a fleet of ships from Naboo and other planets.  During fighting in orbit, Anakin and Padme show up and land on one of the Jedi ships.  Padme assures them that if they can liberate the palace and she can talk to her people, they will end this uprising that's largely being driven by elements from outside the system.

Being a better pilot, Anakin takes a fighter to clear a path while Obi-Wan and another Jedi take Padme in a transport with some troops to the surface.  They manage to land near the palace to storm the place.  Anakin, Padme, and the troops go to liberate the place while Obi-Wan and random Jedi fight Maul.

There's an intense firefight in the palace and eventually Anakin and Grievous square off with Anakin badly injuring Grievous and getting shot himself.  Padme rushes to his side but he tells her to go and broadcast her message; they have a romantic kiss before she leaves.

Meanwhile, Maul kills random Jedi in a whole big duel thing.  Obi-Wan continues fighting alone.  Instead of chopping Maul in half, he just chops off a hand or something and an enraged Maul retreats, swearing revenge.

Padme gets to the throne room or wherever to broadcast her message.  Instead of just saying that the droids are bad and they should be destroyed, however, she says that the fate of Naboo should not be decided by her or the droids.  It should be decided by the people in a referendum that will be held in a few weeks, once things are sorted out.  That's enough to get the people to rise up against the droids and liberate the planet.  Before Anakin is taken to a bacta tank, Padme tells him she won't mention their night together to anyone.  Obi-Wan tells Padme she made a wise decision about the referendum, though she's not entirely sure.

A couple of months later, Naboo votes to leave the Republic.  Many other planets likewise secede, forming their own Separtist government.  The Republic responds by agreeing to bolster their armed forces with clones to force the Separtists back into the Republic.  The Jedi divide as well, with some like Anakin joining with the Republic military and others like Obi-Wan and Yoda remaining neutral.  More important to them is to find out who Maul was and who else might be working with him.

Meanwhile, Padme is forced to leave Naboo.  On the way a medical droid tells her that she's pregnant...[ominous music]

OK, so there's my rough idea for a reworked Episode I that's a bit grittier than the original with less stupid shit--maybe.  Or just different stupid shit?

Wednesday continues the story...

Watching The Clone Wars Again Gave Me Ideas For How the Prequels Should Have Gone

 A lot of years for the last month of the year I do something stupid because I figure people are going to be busy with all the holiday stuff.  I had some alternate Star Wars ideas and so I thought, why not put them towards the end of the year to cover that period no one cares about?  Right?  Makes sense--from a certain point of view.  So next week I have some prequel ideas and the week after some sequel ideas.  I never really do anything with the original trilogy; that is basically untouchable to me.  I know those are not perfect movies but they were such an integral part of my childhood that I simply can't bring myself to do anything with them.  Continuations in the form of prequels or sequels, however, are fair game to me.

Back in May on the 4th I rewatched some episodes of The Clone Wars TV show.  And then because I was bored, I said fuck it and just started rewatching the whole series.  The first few seasons especially are really good, but a thought that occurred to me is the lesser episodes are stuff that take cues directly from the movies.

For instance, there are mercifully only a couple of episodes that feature Jar-Jar Binks and his stupid shenanigans.  But really what got me thinking are a couple of episodes involving Anakin and Padme.  The whole "secret marriage" thing just never really works for me.  Cynically I got thinking that really the only reason they did it at all is because they didn't want Luke and Leia to be bastards.  They probably would have gotten a lot of complaints from "Christians" if Anakin knocked Padme up without marrying her.  Personally, I never really gave a shit one way or another; as a kid I spent approximately 0 seconds thinking about who gave birth to Luke and Leia.

There are a few episodes in particular dealing with Anakin being the "Chosen One" and that whole "prophecy" thing.  A prophecy that never really made any sense at all.  Even in the movies it didn't make a lick of sense and the episodes trying to make it make sense didn't work.  Because it's stupid and it was just trying to make him seem special--also why he was some kind of Immaculate Conception.  Because we couldn't just have him be a fairly normal Jedi who turns bad and becomes an evil killing machine.  No way, he has to be a special Jedi who turns bad and becomes an evil killing machine for...pretty weak reasons.

Stuff like that has always bugged me about the prequels and I've always wanted to do one of my things like with the sequels where I rewrite it in a "better" or at least different way.  I think I finally came up with how I would do that.  So I'm going to spend next week doing that for no real reason.

The first thing to know, though, is I'm rejiggering a lot of Episode I.  No Anakin as a little kid or "metachlorines" or pod racing or Jar-Jar or whatever.  That shit sucks.  Fuck it.

So that's next week.  Hooray.