Friday, August 30, 2013

Box Office Blitz Week 8!


Today is the last day you can get A Hero's Journey (Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1) FREE for Kindle!  Volumes 1-4 will soon be on Amazon in paperback as well; they're already on CreateSpace.

We've reached the end of "summer" box office season this weekend.  Until November it's another barren period with crummy movies not good enough to be released with the blockbusters and a few arty movies.  Looking at the numbers, once again the first big movie of the "summer" was the highest-grossing, which would be Iron Man 3.  How much longer before studios start releasing the big movies even earlier than May?  And how depressing that the biggest "summer" movie was released six weeks before actual summer?

Here are the top 3 in terms of box office:
  1.  Iron Man 3 $408M
  2. Despicable Me 2 $350M
  3. Man of Steel $290M
Of those three Despicable Me 2 is the biggest winner really because its budget was a mere $76M, so its profit margin is much larger than the superhero movies that cost over $200M each.  The Conjuring was another big winner since it only cost $20M and made $131M!

Looking at Box Office Mojo you can see some of the biggest losers too, movies with high budgets and low sales.  Here are the three biggest losers so far:
  1. Lone Ranger $88M box office vs. $215 budget
  2. RIPD $32M box office vs. $133M budget
  3. Pacific Rim $99M box office vs. $190M budget  (Screw you, America!)
Wow, Space Station, a movie made exclusively for IMAX theaters made as much as the Lone Ranger this year apparently.  And somehow I doubt its budget was nearly as huge.

I guess again the good news for Disney is that the success of Iron Man and probably Monsters University (no budget was given for it) and even the mild success of Planes help to offset the boondoggle that was The Lone Ranger.  That's why it's always good not to put all your chips on one number at the table.

Other movies did respectable but still barely broke even (domestically) like World War Z or Star Trek.   I'm not sure if there's a rhyme or reason to any of it, or a special formula or anything.  But I think Marvel's shown that being the first big movie on the block has an advantage.  After that first week of May you really start splitting the pie more and more among all the movies.  Plus if you're like The Wolverine and you're the last big superhero movie in line, audiences might already be worn out from the other, similar movies.

There's a lot of fascinating analysis that could be done but as the old saying goes, no one knows anything.  So studios will keep chucking out there what they think we want, based on what worked in the past and we will decide whether or not to accept it.

Now then, on with the game.  Like the box office, scores have been down lately.  Maybe it's the Curse of the Sacko as it seems since I introduced that idea everyone's been sucking.  Though the way it's going it'll be a contest between Maurice and I to win it.  I'd bet on me.

Here's the list from my local megaplex (* denotes a new release):
  • 2 Guns 
  • Blue Jasmine
  • Closed Circuit*
  • Despicable Me 2
  • Elysium 
  • Getaway*
  • Grown Ups 2
  • Instructions Not Included*
  • Jobs
  • Kick-Ass 2
  • Lee Daniels' The Butler
  • Mortal Instruments:  City of Bones 
  • One Direction: This is Us*
  • Pacific Rim
  • Paranoia
  • Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
  • Planes
  • RIPD
  • Red 2
  • Stuck in Love
  • The Conjuring
  • The Grandmaster*
  • The Heat
  • The Smurfs 2
  • The Spectacular Now*
  • The Wolverine
  • The World's End
  • We're the Millers
  • You're Next
It's a pretty stagnant selection right now.  I guess it'll come down to Oprah vs. horny teenage girls.  I'll pick:
  1. One Direction $18M
  2. The Butler $15M
  3. We're the Millers $10M
Watch, this'll be the week when people want to see new movies!  Despite that Monday is Labor Day, results should still be posted on Sunday, though if it's really close it might take until Tuesday to get official totals.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Thursday Review: A Bend in the Road

[BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:  Today A Hero's Journey (Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1) is FREE on Amazon.  Offer ends August 30! 

Also between now and 9/13/13 you can enter to win a free paperback of Chance of a Lifetime (Chances Are #1) from Goodreads! ] 

The gist of this review:  Nicolas Sparks sucks.  As if you didn't already know that.  And if you like Nick Sparks then I will cock my virtual shotgun and shout, "Get the hell off my lawn!"

A Bend in the Road by Nicholas Sparks
August 18, 2003
(1/5 stars)

If someone had given me a copy of this book with a blank cover, so I had no idea about the author or title, I swear I would think this book was written by a college student. It isn't that the writing is BAD, it's that the writing is bland. Weak expressions are used everywhere. For example, "he could feel his heart pounding" which can be simplified and made more direct by saying, "his heart pounded" or "he felt his heart pounding". Sparks also does one of the things I hate the most, which is to use heavy-handed foreshadowing like ending a chapter, "But little did they know their lives would soon change forever." That doesn't add a single thing to the narrative, it's garbage. All the "could feel", "could see", and foreshadowing are signs of weak, novice writing.

Sparks is in serious need of a real editor, and not just for the technical writing. The storytelling is weak as well. The reader is told constantly how hard it was for Miles to recover, how he focused on solving the case, how he ignored his kid, but readers never get to SEE that, except for one brief flashback. It's important for readers to SEE that so we can understand why he reacts the why he does later in the story. As for the italicized voice, it's only function is to show how remorseful the killer is, but does that matter? The outcome of the book would be the same with or without the italicized voice, so I don't think it adds anything useful and it gives away who killed Miles's wife for those with enough common sense to figure it out, which kills what little suspense there is in this book.

The characters have little depth to them, with no real flaws, except that Miles has a hard time coping with his wife's death, which is understandable since they were so much in love. They never seemed like real people, but more like characters in a bad movie of the week. Too often the characters speak in speeches instead of short, crisp sentences.

Poor writing, dull story, boring characters, clunky dialogue...there's nothing to recommend with this book. To me, the worst John Irving or Richard Russo novel is still ten times better than this insignificant, poorly-written tripe. To young writers, "A Bend in the Road" is a case study in what NOT to do.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

August Recap

Free through Friday!
[BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:  Today A Hero's Journey (Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1) is FREE on Amazon.  Offer ends August 30! 

Also between now and 9/13/13 you can enter to win a free paperback of Chance of a Lifetime (Chances Are #1) from Goodreads! ]

The top 3 posts for this month were (and just for Tony Laplume I'll put links in this month!):



If you remember last month's recap, I pretty much tapped out my Netflix queue.  I got so desperate that I decided to re-enroll in Blockbuster by mail.  I figured at least then I could get newer movies, since Netflix gets them about the same time as HBO does, which is to say not for a fucking long time, by which point I've forgotten I ever wanted to see them.  Except the cheapasses at Blockbuster don't buy enough copies, so any within the last couple of weeks are "Very High Demand" or "Medium Demand" which is code for, "Meh, we might have it available in a few weeks."  By which time it's on Redbox.  This is why you're failing, Blockbuster!  I mean your only competitive advantage right now is having movies sooner than Netflix and Redbox and if you don't have that, what the fuck good are you?  (They negated their other advantage by closing 3/4 of their stores, so that now you can find probably 15 Redbox kiosks before you find a Blockbuster store that still exists.)  Maybe I should just start going to the local video store chains, but again they don't get newer movies that soon and you're paying probably $4 a pop, so I could just watch it On Demand from the cable company.  Yeesh, I should just start going to the cheap second-run theater every day; that'd only cost like $2-$3.  Or, you know, just watch local programming like the news or sitcom reruns.  Ugh.  Not having cable for 8 months really spoiled me because I got in the habit of watching a DVD with dinner and now I can't stop.

Anyway...here's some stuff I watched.

Oblivion:  I actually watched this on Blockbuster's new On Demand channel for the Roku.  (Which incidentally is about the same price as buying it On Demand from cable but you get to keep it longer.)  I really liked the look of this movie.  The little ship Tom Cruise buzzes around in and the fold-out bike and the cue ball-looking drones were all kind of neat.  Though like the Star Trek reboot it all had an Apple-ish quality to it.  Other than that Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise, the two chicks are disposable, and Morgan Freeman cashes a paycheck dressing up as Dark Helmet.  The story reminds me of the Sam Rockwell movie "Moon" only with more action.  There are twists and then more twists.  The last twist though really cheapens everything Tom Cruise did in the movie.  Still, it's worth watching if you're into dystopian sci-fi.  3.5/5 stars

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia:  The Netflix description says this is about four narcissistic young people who own a bar in Philly, which is pretty accurate.  I'd say four really immature 30-somethings who somehow own a crappy bar in Philadelphia and constantly wind up in bizarre situations largely of their own making.  It's in that same vein as "Seinfeld" or "Arrested Development" that way.  Which is probably why I've enjoyed it.  The first season is only about 8 episodes and then in season 2 Danny DeVito joins the cast as the father of the two siblings in the show.  I guess because they felt they needed Danny DeVito's awesome star power...note sarcasm.  4/5

The League:  I referenced this show in Box Office Blitz this month.  It's an FX series about a group of friends who are in a fantasy football league called "The League" which is kind of lame since there are like billions of fantasy football leagues, including the one I'm in this year, Nassau Ungranulated.  The first season is only six episodes, so really the series doesn't gel until the second season.  Basically it's like the creators watched "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and decided to make the characters more suburban and throw a lot more sexual humor in.  Which is fine for me, but parental discretion advised.   3.5/5

Vanishing on 7th Street:  Since I watched "The Machinist" I became a fan of Brad Anderson's work.  Until the success of "The Call" this year he'd pretty much flown under the radar commercially despite how good his movies are.  This is another great one, a movie that will probably have you sleeping with the lights on that night.  It's scarier than any of those "bump-in-the-night" haunted house movies Hollywood has been churning out since "Paranormal Activity" and really is probably closer to the book "I Am Legend" than the Will Smith movie that was supposedly an adaptation of it.  It was filmed in Detroit which makes for a great location because Detroit already looks like the apocalypse has hit so it's the perfect setting for an apocalyptic movie.  Basically there's a blackout and everyone who wasn't near an independent light source that night (like candles or a flashlight or a cigarette) disappears with only their clothes left behind.  Daylight seems to be getting shorter and shorter and when night comes if you're not in the light you're going to vanish.  Four survivors are brought together at a bar with a cranky backup generator and try to figure out what to do next.  The movie manages to create terror just with encroaching darkness and vague shadows, which is a pretty impressive feat.  Going out on a limb, I have to say Anderson is the closest to Hitchcock working in the movie business today. 5/5

Sons of Tucson:  There are some shows that got cancelled in the middle of their first season that you watch on Netflix and say, "Hey, this was really good!"  This is not one of those.  The concept is pretty decent:  When their dad goes to jail, 3 kids hire the fat slacker from "Reaper" and "Tucker and Dale vs. Evil" to pretend to be their dad.  Sort of like what Billy Bob Thornton does in "Bad Santa."  For whatever reason, it just never seemed to come together to really maximize the potential of the concept.  I can't really articulate what was missing.  Better writing and better actors?  Maybe.  3/5

Alphas, Season 2:  I really enjoyed season 1, so I was glad when Netflix notified me they'd added season 2, which of course I missed on Syfy whenever the hell it aired.  Anyway, I can see why the show got cancelled because I didn't like this season as much.  I think the problem was the overbearing Stanton Parish plot that had Dr. Rosen basically turning into Captain Ahab with Parish as the white whale.  One of the things that was good about for instance Star Trek:  Deep Space Nine was even when there was the whole Dominion War thing going on they'd still take time to have a goofy Ferengi episode or something that gave you a little break from the overly serious main storyline.  Plus at the end of the first season Rosen announced to the world that there are mutants among us, so going into season 2 you wonder what the fallout is going to be.  Answer:  not much.  I mean no mass panic or anything.  Apparently no one really gave a shit about the announcement except tabloids.  The season (and I suppose the series unless it gets revived elsewhere) ends on a real downer, though I loved the appropriate use of Simon & Garfunkel's "Only Living Boy in New York."  3/5

No Way Out:  This was an M. Night Shymalan movie before M. Night was making movies.  What a twist at the end!  (And just like M. Night what a stupid twist!)  This was a quintessentially 80s movie with the Cold War paranoia, the big, slow computers, and crappy synthesizer soundtrack.  But it was an interesting plot about a guy who has to solve a crime without revealing his involvement with the victim.  (It's somewhat similar to this season of Breaking Bad from Hank's point of view.)  And without this, Kevin Costner would never have gone on to star in all those baseball movies or as Superman's dad. 2.5/5

Cellular:  This was a completely implausible action movie.  Jason Statham kidnaps Kim Basinger and stuffs her in an attic that has an old rotary phone that still works.  It's like, who the hell puts a rotary phone in an attic?  Was this the Brady house and they installed one up there for Greg to use?  And if the house was abandoned why did the phone still work?  Did the criminals decide to pay the phone bill?  Then instead of just ripping the phone down and taking it away, Jason Statham smashes it with a hammer, which allows Kim Basinger to reassemble the phone enough to call Captain America/Human Torch.  Which begs the question:  if you only had one phone call and were kidnapped in an attic, which superhero would you call?  I think I'd call Superman just because he has all the super senses and the X-ray vision so it'd be easier for him to find me.  This sounds like a good poll question for the Geek Twins.  Anyway, despite how implausible it is, it's a fun action movie. 3/5

Steal:  This was one of those movies I watched late at night.  It was a surprisingly not completely terrible heist movie starring Stephen Dorff as the head of a crew of "extreme" bank robbers who start off robbing a bank on rollerblades.  Like any heist movie the fun part is to see what kind of capers they're going to pull off and how they get away with it.  Natasha Henstridge of "Species" fame also cashes a paycheck while contributing nothing except a gratuitous sex scene, which would have been better if I weren't watching it on basic cable. 2.5/5

Bloodmatch:  I'd actually watched this movie before and it was just so hilariously terrible I had to watch it again.  It features what has to be the most impotent revenge scheme in movie history.  This guy's "brother" "dies" (note the quotes) and so he decides to take revenge on those who were involved.  How, you might ask?  By bringing them to "Las Vegas" to a gym and then one-at-a-time trying to kickbox them to death.  Which as he soon realizes would take a really, really, really long time so he has to snap their necks instead.  But then (spoiler!) he gets his ass kicked by the woman he wanted to take revenge on.  Maybe next time just use a gun, but don't lock them in an attic with a rotary phone. 1/5

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Two-Cent Tuesdays: Grumpy Bulldog Bits

Epic Grumpy Bulldog ranting!
[BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:  Today A Hero's Journey (Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1) is FREE on Amazon.  Offer ends August 30! This morning it's #1 on the list of bestselling free superhero books.  So there.  Too bad I'm not making any money off that.

Also between now and 9/13/13 you can enter to win a free paperback of Chance of a Lifetime (Chances Are #1) from Goodreads! ]

I had written a post about creating paperbacks on CreateSpace for this spot, but then I ran into some problems with the paperbacks I was creating, so I pushed that post back until September 10 since I figured the 3rd is the day after Labor Day and probably no one will give a shit then--or less so than anyone usually gives a shit about my blog.  Anyway, so here's just some random grumpy thoughts that occurred to me.

1.  I started following author A. Lee Martinez's blog (he is not following mine...yet) and about once a week he does a mailbag where people ask him questions about stuff.  How come no one ever asks ME about stuff?  I'm a published author and all that; why aren't people asking me questions about the biz?  Or about relevant pop culture events?  Or sending me fan letters saying how my book changed their life and so forth?  Seriously I've never gotten a single fan letter or email in like 4 years.  WTF is that?  Come on, throw this Grumpy Bulldog a bone!  Though part of it might be I deleted the Contact Me page.  Now I've added contact information to the About Me page.  Not that it's hard to find me; I am everywhere!

2.  Instead of fans I get a lot of obnoxious cranks.  Briane Pagel posted a link to an article featuring a letter where a woman ranted about how parents in a neighborhood should kill their "retarded" son because he made too much noise.  That's the kind of person who seems to write reviews for my books.  Like the idiot who couldn't like Emma Earl because her feet are too big.  This same idiot complained I was making fun of Becky all the time and having every character do it by calling her "Fatty" or "the fat girl."  I looked that up and Fatty was used as an insult ONCE in the whole fucking book.  And "the fat girl" was only used by Detective Donovan and Marlin the ghost in internal narration to identify Becky, whose name they didn't know at the time.  I don't know, how else would you describe a girl who's fat?  Fucking PC police.  Then there's the moron who doesn't speak or write English as a first language and was complaining about all the deux ex machina elements in First Contact--except NONE of the things he described were actually deux ex machina!  Or the yutz who for whatever reason thinks the Children of Eternity series (which involves the Fountain of Youth) should be a complicated time travel saga and demands I rewrite books 2-4 to suit this notion. Or the person who complained there wasn't enough laughter in Virgin Territory, which was NOT billed as a comedy.

One that frequently irritates me is people who review Where You Belong complain that the narrator Frost Devereaux is too passive.  Well, duh, THAT WAS THE POINT!!!  The whole story revolves around him finally finding the courage to dump the Maguire twins and take control of his own destiny.  So you're saying as a criticism something that was completely intentional on my part.  Like most of the book it was patterned after several John Irving novels like The Hotel New Hampshire and A Prayer for Owen Meaney where the narrator is less important in many ways than the surrounding characters.  So if you got a problem, take it up with Mr. Irving because it's his fault!  Though he probably based his on Dickens, so maybe go find a medium to complain to Dickens about it.

3.  Big news last Thursday/Friday was that WB/DC cast Ben Affleck to play Batman in the increasingly dumb-sounding Superman/Batman movie.  I get why WB/DC would cast Affleck; I just don't get why Affleck would agree to it.  He spent years recovering from the J. Lo thing and box office backlash that created and reinvented himself as a star/director of thrillers sort of in the Clint Eastwood mold and had finally garnered some industry respect with Argo.  Now you're going to do a superhero movie?  Really?  Granted I'm sure the paycheck will be huge--but probably not Robert Downey Jr money--but career-wise it seems like a bad decision.  Like Halle Berry doing Catwoman not long after she won an Oscar.  How'd that work out?  And how well did Daredevil work out?  (Though I'm one of the people who actually like that movie.)  Really, dude, fire your agent if he talked you into it.

3a.  But really, who the fuck is running things at WB/DC for this stuff?  What's the point of having middle-aged Batman except that you want to invoke The Dark Knight Returns because that was an iconic comic (to a lot of people who do not include me).  The problem is it doesn't really help you down the road in re-establishing the Batman franchise or a Justice League franchise.  The far more sensible move to me would have been to go the opposite way and cast someone young (like Joseph Gordon-Leavitt since you already had that set up) who's struggling to become a hero and then Superman can help to rein him in and in the process they can become buddies.  Then with your younger actor you can relaunch the Batman franchise and build towards a Justice League franchise.  My own theory is they're just grasping at straws.  I keep thinking Zack Snyder just made the whole thing up on the fly at ComiCon because they wanted something buzzworthy to top Marvel.  As it is they really don't seem to have a plan; they just throw shit at the wall and hope something sticks.  They need to put me in charge of it.  I'll work for like a tenth of whoever they're paying now and it'll be done right, goddamn it.  Or maybe I'll take the first big paycheck, buy a mountain of coke and a bunch of hookers and never be seen again.

4.  I'm not really impressed with the last season or half-season or whatever of Breaking Bad.  It's focusing on all the lame stuff I hated in prior seasons.  I hated those periods where Walt and Jesse weren't cooking meth because then they don't DO anything.  Jesse just sits around moping like a bitch and Walt sits around doing boring middle-aged guy shit.  I don't give a fuck about Walt sitting around getting chemo or arguing with his wife or whatever.  It's especially annoying since they spent 7 episodes of Season 5 getting the meth operation running then after one montage of making a shitload of money he decides to just retire.  Now in Season 5.5 or whatever this is he's just sitting around with his thumb up his ass while Hank starts trying to work up a case on him.  And then Jesse wigs out at him for seemingly no reason at all.  Come on, let's get cooking some meth!  And use that fucking ricin already.  Does that stuff expire after a while because he made it like in Season 1 and they've never really used it.  (Though actually I think the one he has now was made later but still.)  And that machine gun better be used for something cool, goddamn it, not like in Season 2 where you wondered what was going on with the bear in the swimming pool and all that and then it was some completely random plane crash that had nothing to do with anything.  So if it turns out he's just going to sell that machine gun on EBay I'm going to be seriously pissed.

5.  Why is anyone surprised by Miley Cyrus's trashy behavior at the VMAs, etc?  I mean we've already seen Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan go down this same path of self-destruction.  It pretty much happens to all these female child stars once they get 18.  Since Mommy, Daddy, and the Disney Channel/Nickelodeon can't run their lives anymore they promptly go out to catch up on everything they've missed.  It's sad, really, because these girls don't need put on MTV and TMZ; they need to see a fucking shrink to work out their issues.  Or just go to a party college and join a sorority where that kind of shit is commonplace.  Just don't expect me to be shocked by it.

6.  I really hate sites that claim to be "free" but are not free.  Sunday night I decided I needed a couple new images for the paperback covers of the Scarlet Knight books so I went to a site that claimed to have "free" stock photos.  Well half the images that come up are linked to this subsidiary website that is a pay site.  The other half are free, but like your local drug dealer it turns out only the first one is free.  After that you have to subscribe.  So, wait, how do you get to claim your site is free if I have to subscribe to download anything?  Get these assholes a dictionary so they can understand FREE means I don't pay you.  Ever.  They ought to call the site "1 Free Stock Photo" to be more accurate.  It's like those credit report websites that claim to be free but then in a low voice the narrator of the commercial says, "with enrollment in Triple Advantage."  Um, so if I have to enroll in something that costs me money then it's not FREE, is it?  Those things are a scam anyway because you're entitled to one free credit report a year from each agency if you want it.  Or just apply for a loan somewhere and they'll probably do it for you, eh?  Of course if you really want something FREE, A Hero's Journey, Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1 is FREE through Friday.  And Chance of a Lifetime, Chances Are #1 is always FREE on Amazon and Smashwords.  Just saying.

7.  Since I mentioned it, here are some revised covers for the Scarlet Knight paperbacks.  I took the red helmet off because for paperbacks you have to leave this half-inch margin on the side, which was kind of cramping things.  Plus I'm not sure how well that would print out.  So as I said I had to find some new graphics for #4 because otherwise it looked like a travel guide and #3 and #5 because the graphics I'd used originally were set up with stuff only to one side to fit the helmet in.  I did eventually find another free stock photo site that was free, though I do have to credit the people whose photos I used.  That doesn't really cost me though, so still free.  You could learn something from that, other site!  I also put these in PowerPoint to make some neat beveled text.

*New Cover

*New Cover

*New Cover





Tomorrow you get more Grumpy Bulldog bits with the Recap, aka my viewing diary!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Comic Captions 8/26/13

[BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:  Today begins A Hero's Journey (Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1) being FREE on Amazon.  Offer ends August 30!]

It's time for another Comic Captions, where your job is to recaption a comic book panel.  The goal of course is to make it as humorous as possible.

This is from Avengers #4 (like the 2010 version)

Spider-Man:  Who invited these guys?

Now it's your turn!

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Box Office Blitz Week 7 Results!

I should really stop picking new movies to win.  No one cares about new movies I guess.  Really of last week's releases other than "The Butler" the next highest is "Kick-Ass 2" in 10th place.  Again, August is when they chuck out the crap.  And how about the staying power of "We're the Miller?"  It's like the "Identity Thief" of the summer.  Anyway, here are the studio estimates for the weekend:

  1. The Butler $17M
  2. We're the Miller $13.5M
  3. Mortal Instruments $9.3M

Really, the only new movie to make the top 3 this week couldn't even break $10M.  I guess I was really misled by those commercials showing their mall tour of the movie full of screaming fans.  SMH.

My crappy picks were:
  1. Mortal Instruments $30M
  2. You're Next $25M
  3. The Butler $18M
I get 100 for Mortal Instruments and 100 for the Butler for 200 total.  I suck.

Rusty picked:
You're Next - $ 18 mil
The Butler $ 15 mil
We're the Millers $13 mil

That's 100 for Butler and 100 for Millers for also 200 total.

David Walton picked:
The Butler $16M
The Mortal Instruments $13M
We're the Millers $12M

That's 200 for Butler and 100 each for Mortal and Millers for 400 total.

Briane Pagel picked:

1. World's End: $20 mil
2. You're Next $18 mil
3. The Butler $15 mil.

That's 100 for Butler.

Maurice Mitchell picked:
1. You're Next $15 m
2. The Butler $14 m
3. We're the Millers $13 m

That's 100 for Butler and 100 for Millers.

And the winner this week is my brother Chris who picked:
The Butler - $18
The Millers - $14
You're Next - $13

That's 200 for Butler and 300 for Millers for 500 total plus the 300 bonus.  This rockets him up into second place, just behind Rusty.

I will check the official results on Monday afternoon just in case there's any change with third place, though no one picked World's End (currently in 4th) for 3rd place so I don't think it would change the results. If you're wondering, "You're Next" came in 7th.  I guess people have had enough low-budget horror movies for the summer?

Friday, August 23, 2013

Box Office Blitz Week 7!

Last week's results actually brought up a policy change to be instituted.  When I look up the box office results on Sunday afternoon those are just studio estimates.  Which I'm sure most of the time doesn't make a difference.  Last week it actually did make a slight difference as Sunday afternoon Kick-Ass 2 was listed as being tied for third place, though it was listed fourth.  I didn't give anyone points for it and history shows this was the correct decision as once the actual results came in on Monday afternoon, Kick-Ass 2 dropped to fifth place behind Planes.  We have had a tie between movies before back in March at least and back then I credited people with points.

But from now on if there's a tie then I will suspend calculating the totals until late on Monday when the actual totals come in.  That way people don't get points they don't deserve or don't lose points when they shouldn't.

Meanwhile, last week all but one of the four new movies tanked.  Will we have better luck this week?


Here's the list from my local megaplex:

  • Blue Jasmine*
  • 2 Guns
  • Despicable Me 2
  • Elysium
  • Grown Ups 2
  • Jobs
  • Kick-Ass 2
  • Lee Daniels' The Butler
  • Mortal Instruments:  City of Bones* 
  • Pacific Rim
  • Paranoia
  • Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
  • Planes
  • RIPD
  • Red 2
  • Stuck in Love*
  • The Conjuring
  • The Heat
  • The Smurfs 2
  • The Way, Way Back
  • The Wolverine
  • The World's End*
  • We're the Millers
  • World War Z
  • You're Next*
I guess I'll have to go back to making my own picks this week.  I'll pick:
  1. Mortal Instruments $30M
  2. You're Next $25M
  3. The Butler $18M

Though really I'd like World's End to do better because I loved Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz and am glad they finally got the band back together to make another movie.  It'll probably do better in the UK than here as clearly we don't know shit about good movies.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Thursday Review: I'm a Box

[BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:  A Hero's Journey (Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1) is FREE on Amazon from August 26 to August 30!    Also, leading up to this from August 21-25 the Tales of the Scarlet Knight promo comic will be free on Amazon, so if you have a Kindle Fire or something you can read that to whet your appetite for the main course. ]

This is one of those random book I got from Amazon Vine before I had a Kindle and dozens of books to read.  It's one of those where I can say I added to my cultural perspectives or something.

I'm A Box
by Natalia Carrero
(3/5 stars)

Obviously I'm not much of an expert on world literature because I had no idea Clarice Lispector was a real person. Which actually makes "I'm a Box" even creepier than I already thought it was. As a writer it's only natural to idolize another writer; I have a serious crush on novelist John Irving. But the extremes Nadila goes to in this book border on the pathological.

Nadila, like many twenty-somethings is confused and trying to "find herself." And like many would-be writers, she tries to write but finds she doesn't have anything to say. This is probably because she's not a very interesting person. By all accounts she spends most of her time hiding from the world, reading Lispector's books. Nor does she seem to realize that writing isn't the kind of thing you can force like a bowel movement; the harder you try to force it, the less you'll accomplish.

Of course it's not just enough for Nadila to simply read Lispector's books. She's not the kind of fan who just appreciates the author's works and maybe writes a letter or something. No, she's that kind of obsessed, crazy fan who wants to BECOME the author. She tries copying Lispector's handwriting, she imagines long conversations with the author, and even goes around in a T-shirt with a line of Lispector's scribbled on it. The next logical step would have been to find Lispector's grave and ransack it. Maybe she didn't have the money for that.

The novel includes a lot of sayings of Lispector's that seem like literary fortune cookies. Surprisingly there's not much from her actual books. There are also pictures of other things, including Nadila's T-shirt I mentioned. At times the narrative gets confusing because some of it is taking place in the 1990s but then things from the 2000s are mentioned so I'm not quite sure when something is taking place.

As I said, I found a lot of this to go from simple hero worship to creepy obsessiveness. It's fine to respect an author and her work, but trying to commune with her dead spirit, staging fake conversations, and trying to interject yourself into her books goes beyond the rational to the point where you need psychiatric help.

That is all.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Everyday Heroes 8/13

[BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:  A Hero's Journey (Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1) is FREE on Amazon from August 26 to August 30!    Also, leading up to this from August 21-25 the Tales of the Scarlet Knight promo comic will be free on Amazon, so if you have a Kindle Fire or something you can read that to whet your appetite for the main course. ]

This one is fresh off the presses from today's Huffington Post.  The NRA says we all need to be armed to protect ourselves from gun violence, but when a gunman showed up at a school yesterday, a woman used only her words to eventually disarm him.  That definitely gets you Everyday Hero status!



DECATUR, Ga. — A man with an assault rifle and other weapons exchanged gunfire with officers Tuesday at an Atlanta-area elementary school before surrendering, a police chief said, with dramatic overhead television footage capturing the young students racing out of the building, being escorted by teachers and police to safety. No one was injured.
Just a week into the new school year, more than 800 students in pre-kindergarten to fifth grade were evacuated from Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy in Decatur, a few miles east of Atlanta. They sat outside along a fence in a field for a time until school buses came to take them to their waiting parents and other relatives at a nearby Wal-Mart.
When the first bus arrived about three hours after the shooting, cheers erupted in the store parking lot from relieved relatives, several of them sobbing.
The suspect, identified later as 20-year-old Michael Brandon Hill, fired at least a half-dozen shots from the rifle from inside McNair at officers who were swarming the campus outside, the chief said. Officers returned fire when the man was alone and they had a clear shot, DeKalb County Police Chief Cedric L. Alexander said at a news conference. Hill surrendered shortly after and several weapons were found, though it wasn't clear how many, Alexander said. Police had no motive.
Though the school has a system where visitors must be buzzed in by staff, the gunman may have slipped inside behind someone authorized to be there, Alexander said. The suspect, who had no clear ties to the school, never got past the front office, where he held one or two employees captive for a time, the chief said. Hill, who had address listed about three miles from the school, is charged with aggravated assault on a police officer, terroristic threats and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. There was no information on a possible court date.
A woman in the office called WSB-TV to say the gunman asked her to contact the Atlanta station and police. WSB said during the call, shots were heard in the background. Assignment editor Lacey Lecroy said she spoke with the woman who said she was alone with the man and his gun was visible.
"It didn't take long to know that this woman was serious," Lecroy said. "Shots were one of the last things I heard. I was so worried for her."
School clerk Antoinette Tuff in an interview on ABC's "World News with Diane Sawyer" said she worked to convince the gunman to put down his weapons and ammunition.
"He told me he was sorry for what he was doing. He was willing to die," Tuff told ABC.
She told him her life story, about how her marriage fell apart after 33 years and the "roller coaster" of opening her own business.
"I told him, `OK, we all have situations in our lives," she said. "It was going to be OK. If I could recover, he could, too."
Then Tuff said she asked the suspect to put his weapons down, empty his pockets and backpack on the floor.
"I told the police he was giving himself up. I just talked him through it," she said.
A woman answering the phone at a number listed for Hill in court records said she was his mother but said it wasn't a good time and rushed off the phone.
DeKalb County Schools Superintendent Michael Thurmond praised faculty and authorities who got the young students to safety, staying calm and following plans in place. All teachers and students made it out of the school unharmed.
"It's a blessed day, all of our children are safe," Thurmond said at the news conference. "This was a highly professional response on the ground by DeKalb County employees assisted by law enforcement."
School volunteer Debra Hayes said she encountered the suspect without knowing it.
She stopped by the office at the end of her shift and saw a man talking to a secretary but she did not see a gun.
"I heard him say, `I'm not here to harm any staff or any parents or students. He said he wanted to speak to a police officer."
"By the time I got to 2nd Avenue, I heard gunshots," she said.
Complicating the rescue, bomb-sniffing dogs alerted officers to something in the suspect's trunk and investigators believe the man may have been carrying explosives, Alexander said. Officials cut a hole in a fence to make sure students running from the building could get even farther away to a nearby street, he said. SWAT teams then went from classroom to classroom to make sure people were out.
Police had strung yellow tape up blocking intersections near the school while children waited to be taken to Wal-Mart where hundreds of people were anticipating their arrival. The crowd waved from behind yellow police tape as buses packed with children started pulling up along the road at the store. The smiling children waved back.
Regional superintendent Rachel Zeigler used a megaphone to say children were organized on the buses by grade level and that each bus would also be carrying an administrator, a teacher and a Georgia Bureau of Investigation officer. Relatives had to show ID, sign each child out and have their photo taken.
The school has about 870 children enrolled. The academy is named after McNair, an astronaut who died when the space shuttle Challenger exploded on Jan. 28, 1986, according to the school's website.
Jonessia White, the mother of a kindergartner, said the school's doors are normally locked.
"I took (my son) to school this morning and had to be buzzed in," she said. "So I'm wondering how the guy got in the door."
Jackie Zamora, 61, of Decatur, was at the Wal-Mart waiting and said her 6-year-old grandson was inside the school when the shooting was reported and she panicked for more than an hour because she hadn't heard whether or not anyone had been injured.
Since shootings in classrooms all over the country, the massacre at Connecticut's Sandy Hook Elementary being the freshest in people's minds, schools have implemented security from metal detectors to armed guards. McNair had its own safety precautions.
White said the school has a set of double doors where visitors must be buzzed in and show identification to a camera to be allowed in.
"I don't know how this could happen at this school," Zamora said. "There's so much security."
___
Associated Press writers Christina A. Cassidy and Phillip Lucas in Atlanta contributed to this report.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Two-Cent Tuesdays: War is Over


Last week my "publisher" of A Hero's Journey announced they were taking all books off Smashwords and just publishing on Amazon now.  Does it come as a surprise that I support that decision?  Because I do.  As they said, Amazon has pretty much won the publishing war, at least here in the US.  In Europe the Kobo is a big deal, but how many people do you know who own a Kobo?  As for the Nook, B&N isn't going to make those anymore so they're pretty much like VCRs or CD players at this point.

The other advantage is that now they can put it in KDP Select so I can have up to 5 free days a month.  That might help generate some sales, the way offering Chance of a Lifetime free has helped create sales for the sequels and possibly other books in my inventory.

[BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:  The first of those free days will be August 26-August 30, so before you go off on your Labor Day holiday, why not pick up some epic superhero action?  Also, leading up to this from August 21-25 the Tales of the Scarlet Knight promo comic will be free on Amazon, so if you have a Kindle Fire or something you can read that to whet your appetite for the main course. ]

Now, will I be taking all the books from my imprint off Smashwords and B&N to follow suit?  Probably not.  I like the idea of having all my books in a variety of formats, so if someone does have a Kobo or Nook or they want a PDF or something they can get it.  And it's free to keep them listed so since I've already got them there, why go to all the bother to take them down?  An added benefit is I get free copies off Smashwords as the publisher so if I want to edit one of the books I can download a copy for my Kindle.  Or if I lose the book's file on my computer, I can download an RTF version of the book to replace it.  (I should be able to access the original but since I use "ghost" names on Smashwords their stupid system claims I am not the author even though I obviously am.)


But to get back to their logic, most of my sales come from Amazon.  I had a good burst for the Nook January-March but then it nose-dived to where I only sold 2 copies of books in June!  That number rebounded in July and August, but it's still less than 10 books a month.  And as I said, the Nook is going to become an outdated format pretty soon since it's been a boondoggle for B&N.

As for Smashwords, I rarely sell anything through there.  Even the FREE books don't sell as well!  I mean on Amazon I've given away probably 2,000 copies of Chance of a Lifetime by now whereas on Smashwords in that same amount of time I've given away a tenth of that.  I have no explanation for that.  Maybe people just don't use Smashwords.  Maybe there's too many books on there.  Whatever the reason it's fine for publishing books but it's pretty lame for selling them.  About the only good thing is making it Free there means eventually you might get your book free on Amazon and then it's off to the races.

So, do you agree with this logic?  Is publishing except on Amazon doomed?

BTW, if you want a copy of the Hero's Journey ebook in other formats, I made sure to rescue a copy of those files before they pulled it.  If you email me, I can send you a copy for Nook, Kobo, or whatever other format.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Comic Captions 8/19/13

It's time for another Comic Captions, where your job is to recaption a comic book panel.  The goal of course is to make it as humorous as possible.

This week's comes from Batman #683


I'll go first
Jezebel:  Is that your shark repellent in your utility belt or are you just happy to see me?

Now it's your turn!  This is one where I encourage being as R-rated (if not NC-17) as you can be.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Box Office Blitz Week 6 Results!

Wow, I really stink at my own game.  Or in this case Excel stunk it up for me.  That great experiment ended as a complete failure.  4 new movies this week and only 1 of them finished in the top 3!  That's pretty sad.

The top 3 movies were:
The Butler $25M
We're the Millers $17.8M
Elysium $13.6M

I had Excel pick:
  1. Kick-Ass 2  $34M
  2. Jobs    $25M
  3. The Butler   $22M
Which was pretty bass-ackwards.  I only get 100 points for the Butler.

David Walton picked:
1. The Butler $19M
2. Kick-Ass 2 $17M
3 We're the Millers $16M

He gets 200 for the Butler and 100 for Millers.

Briane Pagel picked:
1. Kick Ass 2, $25 mil.
2. Millers $20 mil
3. Paranoia $18 mil

He gets 300 for Millers and 0 for the others.

Andrew Leon picked:
1. Kick-Ass 2: $24m
2. The Butler: $21m
3. We're the Millers: $15m

He gets 100 for the Butler and 100 for Millers.

Rusty picked:
Butler - $22mil
Kick-Ass 2 - $20 mil
The Millers - $16 mil

That's 200 for Butler and 100 for Millers.

And Chris Dilloway picked:
Butler 20 mill
Kick ass 2 18 mill
millers 15 mill

That's also 200 for Butler and 100 for Millers.

Rusty picked The Butler closest, so I guess he's the winner of the round and gets 300 bonus points.  Yeesh, that was pretty sad.

Here's the updated scoreboard:


Box Office Blitz


Scoreboard







6 Total
1 Rusty Carl 600 3700
2 Briane Pagel 300 3300
3 David Walton 300 3000
4 Chris Dilloway 300 2900
5 Andrew Leon 200 2600
6 PT Dilloway 100 1900
7 Michael Offutt 0 1400
8 Maurice Mitchell 0 1100






1800 19900

Friday, August 16, 2013

Box Office Blitz Week 6

Buy my book! Buy my book!
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:  The paperback version of Chance of a Lifetime is now available!  You can get it for $7.99 (plus shipping) from Createspace.  It will over the next week or so be coming to Amazon and other markets.  Of course the ebook version is still FREE so it's a much better deal.

Now as we enter week 6 of Box Office Blitz it's almost anyone's game!  Well probably not mine since my picks in Season 2 have been pretty bad.  Just about everyone's picks last week were bad, though, so maybe I still have a shot!  Especially since this week there's another big batch of movies coming out.  Why did Hollywood wait so long to dump all this stuff out?  Oh, right, probably because it sucks.  August-September like January-February is when they air out the crap they didn't think was good enough to compete in busier times.  That's something to keep in mind, especially for a movie like "Jobs."  If the studio really believes in a drama they'll put it out in fall-winter usually to start gathering Oscar buzz.  When it's released in August?  That means they don't think it has a shot in Hell at any awards.  Though a few early releases like "Crash" have won awards in the past.  There's just a little movie studio psychology for you.

Here's a little Grumpy Bulldog psychology for you:  The only way I'd buy a ticket for Kick-Ass 2 would be to do it online or with one of the computers some movie theaters have.  I just don't think otherwise I could say "Ass" to a total stranger who hasn't pissed me off.  But then I don't like telling them what movie I want to see on a normal basis.  I have this weird neurosis that they're judging me for what movie I'm going to see.  Like at any moment I expect an employee to say, "You're watching THAT?  WTF?"  Not that it's their business and I suppose if they did give me crap I could just stick my nose in the air and say, "You make minimum wage working at a movie theater, so cram it."  But still, I should probably go see a shrink for that.

Anyway, the rules of the game are still the same.  You try to pick which three movies will rule the box office this week.  If you get them in the right order you get more bonus points.  I think by now all the people who will play know the rules.

Here's the list from my local megaplex:

  • 2 Guns
  • Despicable Me 2
  • Elysium
  • Fruitvale Station
  • Grown Ups 2
  • Jobs*
  • Kick-Ass 2*
  • Lee Daniels' The Butler* (I was dismayed to learn this has nothing to do with my avatar, Butler Blue II)
  • Man of Steel
  • Monsters University
  • Pacific Rim
  • Paranoia*
  • Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
  • Planes
  • RIPD
  • Red 2
  • The Conjuring
  • The Heat
  • The Smurfs 2
  • The Way, Way Back
  • The Wolverine
  • Turbo
  • We're the Millers
  • White House Down
  • World War Z

I decided since I've sucked at picking lately, I'm just going to leave it up to the winds of chance.  So I programmed Excel to pick random amounts between $15-$35M for the four new movies.  Here's the order it came up with:
  1. Kick-Ass 2  $34M
  2. Jobs    $25M
  3. The Butler   $22M
(Paranoia came in a distant 4th with $15M)

Maybe that's not what I'd have chosen, but I'll just go with it and see how the experiment works.  At least then I can blame the computer and not me.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Thursday Review: Self

This was one of the books that inspired my Stacey Chance books.  While mine isn't as "literary" it's not nearly as dull as this book.  BTW, I've been working recently on the paperback edition of Chance of a Lifetime, so that should be available in a couple weeks, once I get it all proofed.  In case you don't have an ereader or just like reading paper for the new book smell or whatever.

 Incidentally I did eventually read Life of Pi, which was slightly better than this.  I still haven't seen the movie of that, though.

Self by Yann Martel
November 15, 2006
(2/5 stars)


2 of 2 Staceys agree my book is better!
I'll start by saying I'm one of the few people who hasn't read "Life of Pi", so I didn't have any expectations going into this. I'll also say reading "Self" doesn't make me want to read anything else by Martel. If it's as dull and dreary, count me out.

I heard the premise of this book from someone else and was intrigued. In researching my purchase I found out it's a loose modernization of Virginia Woolf's "Orlando" and so I thought I'd give both a read. It's probably unfair to compare a first-time author to Virginia Woolf and clearly Martel doesn't fare well in the comparison. The reason isn't so much the story but the style.

While Woolf's writing is alive with wit and whimsy, Martel's is a dull grind punctuated by outbursts of graphic descriptions of potty training, masturbation, menstruation, just about every sexual position, and rape. In between those we have dull, cliche, or trite insights from our unnamed narrator. Self manages the amazing feat of being uninteresting as both male and female.

For the moment to focus strictly on "Self" the book is about Self who is born a man and then after his parents die in a plane crash while he's in prep school he starts to become female, the final change occurring during a trip to Portugal. From there she goes to college, having an affair with a professor, has a lesbian affair in Greece/Turkey, works on a couple bad novels, and finds true love in Montreal. That's not the end, which I shall not spoil for you.

The end is the only thing that saved "Self" in my mind from rating one-star. There's a very tragic twist--I've provided a clue above somewhere--that was painful to read and the ensuing aftermath was enough to put me in a funk the rest of the night. That's some effective writing. The rest, not so much.

A problem I have actually with "Self" and "Orlando" is one of logic. In both situations the character wakes up a woman and this does not seem to bother her at all. In "Orlando" it's done through a whimsical scene involving fairies so I was prepared not to take it all that seriously. Whereas "Self" tries to be a more realistic book; how can I logically be expected to think someone would wake up with a sex change and not care? Self discovers this change, rolls over, and goes back to sleep! Then the next day she goes out to get new clothes and a passport as if it's no big deal. I can suspend disbelief to some extent, but this was pushing it. Come on, admit it, if you work up with different genitalia you'd be pretty freaked out. You wouldn't roll over and go back to sleep. That issue really stuck in my craw the rest of the way.

There's another question of logic too. In "Orlando" he becomes a she at the age of 30 after years of womanizing and so forth in Queen Elizabeth's court. In "Self" he becomes a she at 18, still a virgin and pretty much uninitiated in manhood. The difference then is that it's hard to make a case about societal roles and sexual identities when the character hasn't had sex (or hardly any relationships) or really lived in a defined role. So I definitely think Woolf got it right on that one.

As mentioned above, Self doesn't really do a heck of a lot before or after the change. After an opening on potty training there's a flood of dull childhood memories about fish in the eyes and boiling carrots and so forth. There's one brief fling with a girl in seventh grade that doesn't get far. Then there's going off to the private school, where Self is pretty much invisible. Then comes the plane crash, which isn't all that exciting as written, the trip to Portugal, and the nonchalant sex change. From there we have the tired cliche of the student-professor affair. The lesbian affair with the older woman is less cliche and slightly more interesting. There's not much else going on until the end. Whereas in "Orlando" you have queens, kings, princesses, Gypsies, and famous authors among 350 years of history. Which sounds more interesting to you?

In the end "Self" is a dull slog and "Orlando" is a witty romp. Is there even a real choice here? Maybe if you really like "Life of Pi" I suppose.

Of course in my opinion "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides trumps both of these books. It deals with the same issues in a different, more realistic way that's just as much fun as Woolf. That's my pick of the litter.

That is all.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Comics Recap 8/13

I don't regularly read comics, but I do often check DC's website for sales and in the last month I started to check Marvel's site too so I can pick up some stuff to read on the cheap.  By the nature of those sales I tend to read a bunch of comics for one particular character or storyline.  So here are a few brief reviews from ones I've read in the last couple months:

Superman:  For Tomorrow:  The first half of this was really good.  It starts a year after a mysterious device has caused thousands of people (including Lois Lane) to vanish off the face of the Earth.  Superman starts to get more proactive in fighting evil, which leads to him interfering in a third world country's civil war with not so good results.  Then we start in with the plot twists and things start to make less and less sense.  Incidentally, the Zod in this is closer to the one in "Man of Steel" than "Superman II."  I'd give the first volume 5/5 and the second volume 3/5.

Superman For All Seasons:  You could consider this a reboot of a reboot since for the most part this rewrites a lot of the 1986 John Byrne reboot of Superman.  Because of that it feels a little stale, but it's still a good story about how Clark Kent develops into Superman.  It doesn't feature as much angst and as many mind-numbing plot twists as "Man of Steel" nor does it feature the 80s cheesiness of the 1986 reboot, so that's good.  4/5

Trinity:  This is another kind of prequel about how Superman-Batman-Wonder Woman all first met.  Though as I recall the author cheats a little in that Batman and Superman already know each other a little bit.  This wasn't bad but I honestly can't remember much of the plot so it's obviously not very memorable. 3/5

Justice League (New 52) Vol 1:  Another prequel this is set "5 years ago" to separate it from the other titles in the New 52.  It entails the formation of the Justice League with Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, the Flash, and Cyborg, which is necessitated when Darkseid first shows up on Earth in search of his daughter.  Really if WB/DC wants to do a Justice League movie they should just adapt this book as it'd be a good starting point.  But that would imply someone at WB/DC actually knows what the hell they're doing.  Anyway, for my "Girl Power" book I borrowed the idea that even though you have all these guys (and one gal) with awesome superpowers it's the one who doesn't have any superpowers who ends up saving the day . 5/5

JLA Vols 1 & 2:  This was the late 90s reboot of the Justice League of America with Grant Morrison at the helm.  From my brief comic book reading in the last couple years I've had a conflicted relationship with Morrison's work.  Some is really great and easily accessible and some of it is too surreal or too much aimed at insiders.  Volume 1 is more of the easily accessible Morrison.  A new group of "heroes" shows up on Earth and it's like that "Twilight Zone" episode "To Serve Man" in that the heroes start giving stuff to the lowly humans seemingly out of the goodness of their hearts but of course there's a catch that only the JLA can sniff out.  Then Vol 2 starts in on the less accessible Morrison involving some kind of cosmic key and whatnot.  I'd give volume 1 4 stars and volume 2 3 stars.

[But Volume 2 is kind of funny in that in encapsulates a unique moment in DC history where you had Electric Blue Superman (Google it), Kyle Rayner Green Lantern, Wally West Flash, Green Arrow's son Connor as the new Green Arrow, and bearded/shirtless/robot-handed Aquaman.  Pretty much just Batman and Wonder Woman were in their traditional incarnations.]

Captain America Vol 2:  These were the first Marvel comics I picked up online during a 4th of July sale--because what other hero goes better with Independence Day?  Anyway, this was the 2011 relaunch of the title after Cap was "killed" a year or two earlier.  There were like 19 issues that go through four different story arcs, though they're all kind of connected.  Most of it involves a resurgent HYDRA being run by a hot (and of course scantily-clad) queen and an old ally of Cap's from WWII.  In one part his steroids seemingly wear off and in another HYDRA uses a Rush Limbaugh/Bill O'Reilly-type jerk to turn people against Captain America.  It's kind of a mixed bag, but overall I thought they were pretty decent 3.5/5

Flashpoint:  Basically this is like "Back to the Future II" only with the Flash instead of Marty McFly.  Or you could say it's like "Time Enough to Say Goodbye, Tales of the Scarlet Knight Volume II."  Really I did everything Geoff Johns did in this only 2 years earlier.  Because I am a genius.  Anyway, maybe out of professional jealousy then I didn't really appreciate it as much as I could have. 3/5

Avengers Vol 1 by Brian Michael Bendis:  Another time-traveling yarn, this starts out like the end of "Back to the Future" where Doc Brown returns and says, "It's your kids!  Something's got to be done about your kids!"  Only the kids in this case are kids of the Avengers.  But we never really get back to that as the whole story becomes consumed with the cliche stuff of dinosaurs and cavemen and pirates and whatnot running amok in New York while Spidey, Thor, and Hawkeye try to stop them.  It would help if you had an understanding of the Marvel universe at that point so you'd know who the fuck Ultron and Kang the Conqueror are.  Like I said it starts out about the kids but then we never even learn their names, so it's pretty lame. 2/5

Planet Hulk:  I described this a little bit a couple weeks ago in a blog entry.  Basically Earth's Mightiest Heroes get sick of the Hulk smashing shit so they get the Hulk lost in space.  He ends up on the planet Sakaar which is ruled by a sadistic king, who's basically the emperor from "Gladiator" only in a cool mech suit.  The Hulk then is Maximus, who rises up from being a gladiator to take on the emperor and in the process uniting all the various factions of the planet.  For the most part I really liked this series because it actually gives the Hulk some emotional definition instead of just growling "Hulk smash!" and beating shit up.  He even gets to fall in love and get lucky with a chick!  But as I said in my blog entry, I didn't like how we spent 12 issues building it up and then 1 issue to tear it all down.  Incidentally the animated movie version you can find on Netflix is pretty good though they have to condense it a bit to fit it into 80 minutes.  The movie doesn't throw away the happy ending either. 4/5

World War Hulk:  The reason we had to throw away the happy ending was to set up this storyline, where the Hulk returns to Earth to take revenge on Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, Black Bolt, and Dr. Strange.  What's annoying is this is one of those storylines where you have to buy a bunch of different comics if you want to get the complete story.  There's the 5-issue "World War Hulk" series itself and then another 5 issues or so of "The Incredible Hercules" that features Hercules and some smart kid trying to rally support for the Hulk.  Plus you have a few side issues of the X-Men, Avengers, etc with more details of their battles versus the Hulk.  Even reading it online it gets kind of annoying to juggle all that stuff.  Actually it'd be nice if on the site it could tell you which issue you should read next for a story like this.  (But really this is nothing compared to DC's Blackest Night which has something like 120 issues across the various series to juggle around.)  The actual World War Hulk series is the best if you just want to see the Hulk smashing shit. (3.5/5)

Tomorrow is a review of a couple of books that inspired my Chances Are series!

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