Maybe a little over a month ago Nigel Mitchell gave me the chance to read his latest book, Time Junkie. Unlike most of his other books, this one isn't really a comedy. There's actually some pretty serious stuff going on.
In this book there's a drug called "krono" that lets people go back in time. The more you use the drug the farther back you go and the longer you stay there. Seventeen-year-old Tim takes the drug at a party one night and becomes the eponymous Time Junkie. What he really wants is to go back in time to when his mother died in a car accident and find a way to save her. Along the way he does what probably most of us would do, which is to buy a lottery ticket, but that doesn't really work out.
Anyway, like I said there's some serious stuff going on. A lot of the book is about the cycles of abuse and addiction, which we see through Tim's journey through time and how his life unravels in the present.
The book is about time travel and yet avoids most of the cliche aspects in time travel stories. And there's not all the creepy stuff of The Time Traveler's Wife either like meeting his girlfriend when she's six and he's an adult. So big props for that.
Today is the release day for the book, which was only 99 cents. It's worth a lot more than that, so why don't you go show some support of a great indie author and buy this? I mean come on there's no creepy gender swapping or anything like my stories, so what are you afraid of? Do it!!! Now!!!
Showing posts with label BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. Show all posts
Friday, October 16, 2015
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Transformed Into...A Complete Series! What I've Learned...
This might have been better for last Wednesday when everyone was doing their monthly whine. Though really I'm not whining so much as celebrating, because the last of the Transformed gender swap books is done!
Of course last may not be accurate. It's more like last for right now. Basically I wrote 22 of them in almost six months and I need a little break. 22 books, 42 stories in total, and I have no idea how many hundreds of thousands of words is a lot even for me. After a while you just need to chill out and take it easy. Plus it's almost the holidays, so it's nice to be able to celebrate those without any self-imposed deadlines.
The last of the books, Transformed Into a Cougar Too, wasn't supposed to release until next Tuesday. But for some reason Amazon locked it for "offensive content." They reference some page that defines offensive content as "pretty much what you think that means." Um, thanks guys. Considering this is volume 20, I have no idea what would be so bad. So I loaded it to Smashwords instead. The penultimate one, Transformed Into a Bimbo Too, released yesterday. I guess in theory then #20 was out before #19. Oops.
I suppose the grand experiment worked out pretty well. Up to last July I hadn't really written anything too "commercial" before. The Chances Are books were probably the most commercially successful, though not to this extent. Here are the things to take away from it:
I think the one area I still haven't done well in is connecting with an audience. People might buy the books but I still hardly get any reviews. Obviously you'd like reviews to help build some word of mouth. Maybe it would help if Eric Filler had an online presence with an Email, Twitter, Facebook, etc. but you know how exhausting that would be? Though that wouldn't explain why people don't review them. If you say they don't actually read them then I don't know why they're buying them; and also as I said they aren't very long. I haven't fulfilled my dream of becoming the Heisenberg of gender swap erotica either. If you didn't watch Breaking Bad it means the guy whose product is so awesome that it blows everyone else's away. Don't think it hasn't been for lack of trying. I think I have some pretty unique concepts, not just the stereotypical "pissed off wife/lover makes husband/boyfriend into woman/little girl/etc for revenge." The last story I wrote features "sex vampires"--make of that what you will. But I suppose in that way I might have violated my own rules, because the cliche story probably would sell better. I'm getting closer to staying in the lines, but still not completely.
Anyway, as I said this probably isn't the end of the series. It's pretty easy to come up with ideas for these when you start putting your mind to it. But I probably need some time to recharge. Maybe I'll even get around to writing something more mainstream again. Though after you do something that has even a slight amount of commercial success, it seems kind of pointless to go back to something that probably won't sell for shit just because it's more respectable. Hey, I finally get Adam Sandler's career now! I mean I can be like Tony Laplume, pumping out one thing after another that no one reads but I really do like seeing hundreds of dollars going into my account every month. It has really come in handy on the road.
The other idea would be to go even less respectable. Maybe find some other niche markets to explore. I'm not sure what, but I'm sure I can find something on Amazon if I try hard enough. That of course goes back to my first bullet point. How low can I go? Hurm.
Of course last may not be accurate. It's more like last for right now. Basically I wrote 22 of them in almost six months and I need a little break. 22 books, 42 stories in total, and I have no idea how many hundreds of thousands of words is a lot even for me. After a while you just need to chill out and take it easy. Plus it's almost the holidays, so it's nice to be able to celebrate those without any self-imposed deadlines.
The last of the books, Transformed Into a Cougar Too, wasn't supposed to release until next Tuesday. But for some reason Amazon locked it for "offensive content." They reference some page that defines offensive content as "pretty much what you think that means." Um, thanks guys. Considering this is volume 20, I have no idea what would be so bad. So I loaded it to Smashwords instead. The penultimate one, Transformed Into a Bimbo Too, released yesterday. I guess in theory then #20 was out before #19. Oops.
I suppose the grand experiment worked out pretty well. Up to last July I hadn't really written anything too "commercial" before. The Chances Are books were probably the most commercially successful, though not to this extent. Here are the things to take away from it:
- Find a niche market! I didn't invent the idea of the gender swap story by a long shot. Virginia Woolf might have with Orlando, or maybe not. I'm not a literature scholar. The point is you find a niche that actually has some demand.
- Be like everyone else! (Mostly) I didn't invent the gender swap story and I didn't invent the format for how I did my stories. I borrowed it from books I saw linked to Chance of a Lifetime on Amazon. Reading a couple of those I just pretty much did what they did. Check this out:
Note how similar the covers are! Even the title format is pretty much the same. I think her image is a little better with this one, though others of mine I think are better; it just depends on what stock photos you can find. For my very first one I used somewhat similar story ideas from other books for the two stories in mine. I'm not saying I plagiarized them; I just took the overall concepts and tweaked them my way. And that's how I got a number of my story titles, by seeing what someone else was doing and doing one of my own.
- Kindle Unlimited is Awesome! I don't use Kindle Unlimited and I wasn't sure how it work out for me, but it has been pretty awesome. Generally I think around 40% of the money I get per month came from that. That was 40% that I wasn't getting before. Now maybe some of those borrows I get less for might have been sales, but maybe not. Or they might have been sales that some asshole then "returned" a few minutes later. The point is having another revenue stream is sweet. If it destroys Smashwords, then too fucking bad; I don't hardly make jack off them anyway.
- Keep It Simple, Stupid! What really annoyed me was seeing that Chance of a Lifetime was like 300 pages and FREE while these other books were in some cases like 16 pages long and going for $2.99--and with much higher sales ranks! So when I did my own I tried to keep it much shorter than I'd usually write. Still most ended up around 20,000-25,000 words. I still can't write ten pages and pass it over as a "book" like some other people. But yeah I did keep these a lot shorter than my other books.
- Give the Audience What It Wants (Or Die Trying) When I wrote Chance of a Lifetime the girl Steve Fischer turns into is a pretty normal girl: brown hair, average breasts, etc. With these books that's no what you want to do. Mostly I tried to give the audience what they would want, so I tended to exaggerate a lot. Usually there's at least one blond, they've all got big racks (except the little girls), tiny waists, etc. The idea is the guy always turns into a porn star. Or well most of the time, but then titles where I didn't do that (Transformed Into a Geek Girl/MILF/Fat Girl) didn't really do as well. When I did get a review of one the reviewer gave it 5 stars but complained the bimbo needed to get addicted to sex sooner. So the next one (Transformed Into a Bimbo Too) that's what I set out to do, which ended up with the first story being a lot shorter and it actually took the second story in new directions. Give people what they want, go with the lowest common denominator and you can't go wrong. I mean it's worked out pretty well for Hugh Hefner and Seth MacFarlane so far.
I think the one area I still haven't done well in is connecting with an audience. People might buy the books but I still hardly get any reviews. Obviously you'd like reviews to help build some word of mouth. Maybe it would help if Eric Filler had an online presence with an Email, Twitter, Facebook, etc. but you know how exhausting that would be? Though that wouldn't explain why people don't review them. If you say they don't actually read them then I don't know why they're buying them; and also as I said they aren't very long. I haven't fulfilled my dream of becoming the Heisenberg of gender swap erotica either. If you didn't watch Breaking Bad it means the guy whose product is so awesome that it blows everyone else's away. Don't think it hasn't been for lack of trying. I think I have some pretty unique concepts, not just the stereotypical "pissed off wife/lover makes husband/boyfriend into woman/little girl/etc for revenge." The last story I wrote features "sex vampires"--make of that what you will. But I suppose in that way I might have violated my own rules, because the cliche story probably would sell better. I'm getting closer to staying in the lines, but still not completely.
Anyway, as I said this probably isn't the end of the series. It's pretty easy to come up with ideas for these when you start putting your mind to it. But I probably need some time to recharge. Maybe I'll even get around to writing something more mainstream again. Though after you do something that has even a slight amount of commercial success, it seems kind of pointless to go back to something that probably won't sell for shit just because it's more respectable. Hey, I finally get Adam Sandler's career now! I mean I can be like Tony Laplume, pumping out one thing after another that no one reads but I really do like seeing hundreds of dollars going into my account every month. It has really come in handy on the road.
The other idea would be to go even less respectable. Maybe find some other niche markets to explore. I'm not sure what, but I'm sure I can find something on Amazon if I try hard enough. That of course goes back to my first bullet point. How low can I go? Hurm.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Grumpy Bulldog Does America
This is one post I didn't want to write in advance because I haven't wanted to jinx it. Which is why I also haven't elaborated on my plans to anyone, despite that I've been cooking it up since late May. I keep thinking of Revolutionary Road (the movie, not the book, which I haven't read) where the main characters keep talking about how in X months they'll move to Paris and then everything will be awesome. And you just know they aren't ever going to get to Paris--and they don't.
So with that in mind I haven't mentioned what I'm going to do starting Labor Day weekend, which is that I am going to take an epic road trip. How long it will last and where all I will go are not determined, though I reckon I'll at least attempt to get all the way out west, to like Seattle or somewhere on the Pacific. And then maybe like Forrest Gump since I went all the way there maybe I'll just go all the way back, ad nauseum.
Here's the other thing, I am going to be essentially homeless. Most of my crap is in a Public Storage unit, locked away until I return for it or it ends up on one of those A&E shows; I'd be curious to see how much they'd bid for my collection of gray Pound Puppies. So it's just me, my Focus, and some luggage setting out into the unknown.
This can turn out a few ways:
Road Trip Book/Movie: I meet a lot of quirky people in small towns and eventually fall in love with someone and start a new awesome life.
Horror Movie: I run afoul of bikers, evil hitchhikers, or backwoods mutants and end up being chopped to bits or part of a Human Centipede.
Real Life: I wander around for a bit, get some pictures, and eventually go home to Michigan.
No matter what, I suppose there will be a story to tell. Anyway, instead of regular posting I'll just post some pictures and stuff when I can. Kind of a "Where in the World is Grumpy Bulldog?"
And if some fat bald guy shows up asking to crash on your couch, that's probably me.
So with that in mind I haven't mentioned what I'm going to do starting Labor Day weekend, which is that I am going to take an epic road trip. How long it will last and where all I will go are not determined, though I reckon I'll at least attempt to get all the way out west, to like Seattle or somewhere on the Pacific. And then maybe like Forrest Gump since I went all the way there maybe I'll just go all the way back, ad nauseum.
Here's the other thing, I am going to be essentially homeless. Most of my crap is in a Public Storage unit, locked away until I return for it or it ends up on one of those A&E shows; I'd be curious to see how much they'd bid for my collection of gray Pound Puppies. So it's just me, my Focus, and some luggage setting out into the unknown.
This can turn out a few ways:
Road Trip Book/Movie: I meet a lot of quirky people in small towns and eventually fall in love with someone and start a new awesome life.
Horror Movie: I run afoul of bikers, evil hitchhikers, or backwoods mutants and end up being chopped to bits or part of a Human Centipede.
Real Life: I wander around for a bit, get some pictures, and eventually go home to Michigan.
No matter what, I suppose there will be a story to tell. Anyway, instead of regular posting I'll just post some pictures and stuff when I can. Kind of a "Where in the World is Grumpy Bulldog?"
And if some fat bald guy shows up asking to crash on your couch, that's probably me.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Do You Think I'm Sexy? The Ultimate Insecure Writer Support Group Post
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Monday, May 19, 2014
Selling Out
Speaking of selling out, if you ever wanted to read my Tales of the Scarlet Knight series, now is the time. The first collection (not omnibus since that word pissed off Michael Offutt and as he's my VP of Common Sense on these things I decided to not use that term, but it is an omnibus by definition) is FREE on Amazon this week. Volume 1: The Call That's the first 3 books in the series, plus two prequels, for FREE. That is literally 1,200 pages of superhero action for nothing. So go download it, freeloaders! And then maybe leave me a review that doesn't suck.
It can't be free again for like 3 months, so act now! Operators are not standing by! (Because this is the 21st Century and we have this newfangled Internet thingy)
And if you like it, June 16-22 the second "collection" Volume 2: The Wrath of Isis will be on sale for 99 cents as my first ever use of the new "Kindle Countdown Deals" thing. That's 2,000 pages of superhero action for only 99 cents! Of course right now it's only $2.99, which really isn't that much more expensive, but I know how much people hate paying for books.
And now the rest of the entry...
This is in part another review of a movie I watched about a month ago. "The Wolf of Wall Street" was pretty much what I thought it was: Martin Scorcese's version of "Wall Street." It never really rises above the cliche Every Wall Street Movie Ever plot of young guy with big dreams goes to Wall Street, makes a lot of money, does a lot of blow/hookers, and then his empire crumbles. Except in this case Jordan Belmont (Leo DiCaprio) only made his fortune on his second tour on Wall Street. His first ended on Black Monday in 1987.
Then he went to Long Island to a little hole-in-the-wall company selling penny stocks. I'm sure Michael Offutt could define those better but they essentially are stocks too worthless to be listed on any exchange because they are worth literally pennies per share. Idiots buy into these thinking they'll get rich. It's like going to a racetrack and betting on the 100-to-1 shot.
Jordan seals his interview by grabbing the phone, calling some random schmuck, and then getting him to buy $4000 worth of a crappy stock called Aerotyne, which was literally operating out of a garage. Then he recruits some buddies and they buy an old garage and start their own penny stock operation, which becomes a huge Wall Street firm.
Early on Jordan gives all his guys a script. First they call the schmuck and start out blatantly lying about some great company that is of course worthless. This is something I remember Tuesday Morning Quarterback on ESPN talking about a lot, how people love to think they're getting privileged information, that someone has a "secret" that will make them a fortune. It's why so many people signed up with Bernie Madoff and the like. Then to cinch the deal Jordan has his guys buddy up to the schmuck saying how they're going to make sure the stock does well because it's their neck on the line too. In the large part the idea is to act like they care what happens because they're an ordinary schmuck too. (Meanwhile their buddies are laughing their asses off in the background.)
The other prong of Jordan's attack is to rebrand his company. He renames it Stratford something or other and uses a symbol of a lion and moves the company into Manhattan. This is supposed to make people feel the company is legit, because no firm with a lion for a symbol would be some fly-by-night operation, right?
At the end, after Jordan has spent a paltry 3 years in a country club prison, he goes to New Zealand to give a seminar to would-be salespeople. His intro is to challenge them to sell him his pen. Earlier he plays this game with his buddies. One takes the pen and asks someone to write his name on a napkin, to which the guy is like, "I don't have a pen." Well there you go. Supply and demand, right?
For many people writing a book is easy; selling it is hard. Like the other salespeople in Long Island or those at Jordan's seminars most of us are pretty clueless about how to sell our books. We could all learn something from his tactics, no matter how sleazy they might seem:
A good trick you can use that I learned from my "publisher": if your book was on an Amazon best seller list in the UK or another country for a couple of hours, you can declare yourself an "International Best Selling Author" on your book covers. It's not really a lie, is it? I was on a best seller list in the UK for a few hours! Just last night a book under one of my pen names was beating those by Stephen King, Neil Gaiman, Clive Barker, and Edgar Allen Poe on the short stories bestseller list in the UK. So there. You might feel squeamish about it, but that's why most authors are so terrible at selling; you have to be willing to exaggerate and to go out there and toot your own horn if you want to really become a best selling author.
To get back to the movie, I can't really recommend it as at nearly 3 hours it's well over an hour too long. Did Scorsese even have an editor on staff? Yeesh. And as I said it doesn't really rise above the cliche. Andrew Leon said he didn't know what the movie was about; I think in the big picture it's supposed to evoke the Occupy Wall Street frustration. Jordan lies, cheats, and swindles a lot of people and yet he only does 3 years of time. This point is made by the FBI agent who worked for years and years to bust Jordan and then has to ride home on a grungy subway while Jordan gets out after his 3 years and starts making money again from his seminars. But that point certainly didn't need 3 hours to make.
It can't be free again for like 3 months, so act now! Operators are not standing by! (Because this is the 21st Century and we have this newfangled Internet thingy)
And if you like it, June 16-22 the second "collection" Volume 2: The Wrath of Isis will be on sale for 99 cents as my first ever use of the new "Kindle Countdown Deals" thing. That's 2,000 pages of superhero action for only 99 cents! Of course right now it's only $2.99, which really isn't that much more expensive, but I know how much people hate paying for books.
And now the rest of the entry...
This is in part another review of a movie I watched about a month ago. "The Wolf of Wall Street" was pretty much what I thought it was: Martin Scorcese's version of "Wall Street." It never really rises above the cliche Every Wall Street Movie Ever plot of young guy with big dreams goes to Wall Street, makes a lot of money, does a lot of blow/hookers, and then his empire crumbles. Except in this case Jordan Belmont (Leo DiCaprio) only made his fortune on his second tour on Wall Street. His first ended on Black Monday in 1987.
Then he went to Long Island to a little hole-in-the-wall company selling penny stocks. I'm sure Michael Offutt could define those better but they essentially are stocks too worthless to be listed on any exchange because they are worth literally pennies per share. Idiots buy into these thinking they'll get rich. It's like going to a racetrack and betting on the 100-to-1 shot.
Jordan seals his interview by grabbing the phone, calling some random schmuck, and then getting him to buy $4000 worth of a crappy stock called Aerotyne, which was literally operating out of a garage. Then he recruits some buddies and they buy an old garage and start their own penny stock operation, which becomes a huge Wall Street firm.
Early on Jordan gives all his guys a script. First they call the schmuck and start out blatantly lying about some great company that is of course worthless. This is something I remember Tuesday Morning Quarterback on ESPN talking about a lot, how people love to think they're getting privileged information, that someone has a "secret" that will make them a fortune. It's why so many people signed up with Bernie Madoff and the like. Then to cinch the deal Jordan has his guys buddy up to the schmuck saying how they're going to make sure the stock does well because it's their neck on the line too. In the large part the idea is to act like they care what happens because they're an ordinary schmuck too. (Meanwhile their buddies are laughing their asses off in the background.)
The other prong of Jordan's attack is to rebrand his company. He renames it Stratford something or other and uses a symbol of a lion and moves the company into Manhattan. This is supposed to make people feel the company is legit, because no firm with a lion for a symbol would be some fly-by-night operation, right?
At the end, after Jordan has spent a paltry 3 years in a country club prison, he goes to New Zealand to give a seminar to would-be salespeople. His intro is to challenge them to sell him his pen. Earlier he plays this game with his buddies. One takes the pen and asks someone to write his name on a napkin, to which the guy is like, "I don't have a pen." Well there you go. Supply and demand, right?
For many people writing a book is easy; selling it is hard. Like the other salespeople in Long Island or those at Jordan's seminars most of us are pretty clueless about how to sell our books. We could all learn something from his tactics, no matter how sleazy they might seem:
- Confidence! If you don't believe, why should anyone else?
- Don't be afraid to lie. You're a writer; you should be good at making stuff up.
- Know who you're selling to. Hopefully that's more than your friends and family.
- Dress for Success: Make sure your books and website look as professional as you can make them. Which I try to do with my website here
A good trick you can use that I learned from my "publisher": if your book was on an Amazon best seller list in the UK or another country for a couple of hours, you can declare yourself an "International Best Selling Author" on your book covers. It's not really a lie, is it? I was on a best seller list in the UK for a few hours! Just last night a book under one of my pen names was beating those by Stephen King, Neil Gaiman, Clive Barker, and Edgar Allen Poe on the short stories bestseller list in the UK. So there. You might feel squeamish about it, but that's why most authors are so terrible at selling; you have to be willing to exaggerate and to go out there and toot your own horn if you want to really become a best selling author.
To get back to the movie, I can't really recommend it as at nearly 3 hours it's well over an hour too long. Did Scorsese even have an editor on staff? Yeesh. And as I said it doesn't really rise above the cliche. Andrew Leon said he didn't know what the movie was about; I think in the big picture it's supposed to evoke the Occupy Wall Street frustration. Jordan lies, cheats, and swindles a lot of people and yet he only does 3 years of time. This point is made by the FBI agent who worked for years and years to bust Jordan and then has to ride home on a grungy subway while Jordan gets out after his 3 years and starts making money again from his seminars. But that point certainly didn't need 3 hours to make.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Operation Omnibus
I've been going over the 8 books for another editing pass, which takes a while. I'm not changing a whole lot, mostly just taking out justs and thoughs and things like that. Plus changing the size of Emma's feet because certain people were unhappy about that.
Anyway, something I have been wondering is if instead of all 8 books in one set to maybe make two omnibuses. Which begs the thought: is it really an omnibus if it's not complete? Well according to the dictionary the word means a volume of reprinted works of a single author or of works related in interest or theme. So I guess I can have more than one, which is good.
The obvious idea would be to split it down the middle with 4 in one and 4 in another. But since I always have to do things differently, I was thinking of a 3-5 split. So we'd have:
Tales of the Scarlet Knight Omnibus Volume 1: The Call featuring:
- A Hero's Journey
- Time Enough to Say Goodbye
- The Hazards of Love
THEN
Tales of the Scarlet Knight Omnibus Volume 2: The Wrath of Isis featuring
- Change of Heart
- Betrayal Begets Blood
- Future Shock
- Living Sacrifice
- The Heart of Emma Earl
The logical reason is that in book 4 we set the whole big story wrapped up in book 8 into motion by introducing the multiverse, so it wouldn't see right--to me--to put that with the first three books. The first three books really do serve more as an introduction of introducing the Scarlet Knight, Black Dragoon, witches, and Isis and then the next five build on that while forming a more intricate storyline.
The other thing is I've noted a few occasions where someone will buy just the first three (or presumably they get the first for free and buy the next two) so maybe committing to 8 books is way too much. This way they could sample the first three books and (hopefully) want to read the next five. Plus the first three books are all shorter than the last 5, which are all near the 100,000 word mark or longer, especially books 6 and 8.
An issue of doing it that way is price. The first three right now only cost $1.98 because the first one is free. So really for it to be any kind of deal I'd have to make it 99 cents, which really is like paying for one book and getting 2 free. This of course means less money for me. This is the same issue I'd have with doing the Chances Are books as an omnibus. Since there are technically 4 Girl Power ones that would be slightly less of an issue.
I think the simplest solution for the first Scarlet Knight one would be to include the two prequels: Dark Origins (Volume 0) and Sisterhood, the one that focuses on Sylvia the witch. Then I could charge $2.99 and get the 70% royalty if anyone buys them. As for the Girl Power or Chances Are ones, I need to write a couple more books. I was thinking maybe a Girl Power prequel, but then I remembered prequels are boring so I came up with more of an Agents of SHIELD idea. The Chances Are I have that new idea I still haven't got to yet, so when I write that and maybe a sequel then I'll have enough.
To test out the idea I created an omnibus for the Children of Eternity quadology or whatever a four-book series is called. It's not really that difficult, but to get the table of contents to show up on Amazon requires some advanced formatting I'll tell you about on Friday. For the cover I just took the first book and filtered it in sepia.
I enrolled it in KDP Select for now since nobody hardly buys from Smashwords or B&N. This week you can get it for FREE! That's 4 books (almost 1000 pages) for nothing. Click the link!
It seems like most of my Blogger buddies don't have a series requiring an omnibus, though I suppose Andrew Leon could use it for all those Shadow Spinner stories.
I found a free program for making 3D boxes for covers. I'm not all that happy with the image quality, especially on the text, but I guess you get what you pay for. I've seen a lot of that style of cover on Amazon, so I thought I'd give it a try. I'm not sure if that's what I'll go with. Here are the prototypes:
Monday, March 17, 2014
Another Chance
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Happy St. Me Day from Blue III! |
Anyway, ever since I finished the last Chances Are book in 2011 I've held off on any sequels. I really had no idea how I would do one in any case. A couple weeks ago I was listening to a series of Lawrence Block books, the first two of which are kind of soft-core erotica/coming-of-age books and the last two are soft-core erotic cozy mysteries and they all feature the same main character. In the afterward Block explained the switch was because after the second book he didn't know what else to do with the 17-year-old narrator without having to grow him up, which would preclude doing more books like the first two. So he decided that in a series of cozy mysteries the character could remain the same forever--forever being two books apparently.
I wondered if maybe I could do the same with Stacey Chance. I mean she was a police detective in her former life, so maybe she could go all Jessica Fletcher or something, though Nancy Drew might be more appropriate for her age. I toyed with it but the idea of a singer who solves mysteries is probably better suited to the NBC schedule. (Because they suck and will probably take any stupid idea thrown their way.)
Then my next thought was maybe I could do a spin-off. Instead of Stacey it could be someone else who gets injected with the FY-1978 drug, someone who could do more exciting things. I kicked the tires on that idea, but it wasn't really going anywhere.
Then I thought of the Darkman/Invisible Man crossover reboot (tentatively called The Pretender) posted in October. That involved a guy who was burned by a fire and uses some kind of fake skin. But what would work just as good as fake skin? FY-1978. Actually it would work better because it wouldn't turn to mush after 99 minutes.
So now I was off and running on that idea:
Another ChanceVince Granato has been a conman for years under various aliases. His latest venture is running a Madoff-type Ponzi scheme. He’s meeting a rich old woman to sweet talk her out of millions, but he starts to get a bad feeling. After the meeting he senses someone’s watching him and decides to get the hell out of Dodge. So he heads back to his modest apartment, but it’s too late! As he’s gathering some money, fake passports, and such to go on the run some Feds break in to arrest him. Vince takes off down a fire escape and makes a decent showing, but in the end he’s shot in the gut and passes out.When he wakes up he’s in a place with armed guards and no windows. Before long Vince realizes that he is now a young Indian woman. While a doctor and nurses are trying to calm her down, the guy who shot Vince shows up along with an older guy who’s his boss. The guy who shot Vince is introduced as CIA agent Doug Standard while the old guy doesn’t give a name. He’s just “the chief.”Eventually she calms down enough that the chief can start to explain. After Vince was shot he was certain to die. But the government has need of his—now her—services. So they had the doctor—Dr. Kalya Nath from Last Chance—inject him with a drug called FY-1978, which is the same thing that turned Steve Fischer into Stacey Chance.Why make him a girl? They need to do what in the biz is called a “honey pot.” Basically they need her to seduce someone to get information. Why not use someone else? Besides that Vince was an excellent conman, they also want someone expendable since ostensibly the CIA isn’t supposed to operate on American soil. Vincent Granato has already been declared dead and this new body has no ID, so there’s no paper trail.The target of the honey pot is a military officer, though the chief won’t give her specifics yet. It’s believed he’s slipping secrets to the Chinese or Russians or some other country. The officer has a thing for “exotic” girls after many years overseas, so the idea is to plant her as his new assistant and then have her get the goods on him. (This may include sleeping with him.)The chief then offers her a great choice: either do the mission or they’ll have her sent to one of those secret prisons to be tortured until she changes or mind or dies. Presumably if she does the mission, Dr. Nath will give her another shot to make her a man again and then he can go on his merry way. With those being the only options, she decides to avoid the secret prison.Then they begin to drill her for the mission. First she’s given the name of Vinaya Gupta and a history to memorize. Dr. Nath gives her a little lecture about the drug and assures her that several other people—notably Stacey—have survived the process already. She also hints she’s not exactly doing this for patriotism or even money; she’s about as much a prisoner as Vinaya.Then Vinaya is turned over to an older lady to run her through “charm school” to learn about being a dignified young lady and such. This is not much fun, but it gets even worse after she “graduates” and then is taken by Doug to an army base to go through basic training in part to establish her credentials for the mission and also it may become necessary for her to defend herself so it would be good if she had some training and built up some muscle.Because she’s Indian and wimpy she’s not received with open arms by most of her unit. But a girl named Claire befriends her and helps Vinaya make it through the first couple weeks, after which she’s better able to handle it.But then Claire is raped by an instructor and predictably no one is going to do anything about it. So Vinaya uses some of her con artist skills to get some payback, though it’s too late to save Claire, who’s drummed out of the army.Not long after this, Vinaya graduates to become a private in the army. She’s surprised to find she’s assigned as the aide to Major General Arnie Dunn, who won medals in Vietnam and then later helped turn things around a bit in Iraq and Afghanistan. Could someone like that really be a traitor?After her first day she’s still not sure but she does know he’s a pig. He not so subtly paws her several times. She plays it cool, not wanting to seem too eager or he might suspect something. This is a long con, not a grift and go.Over the next few weeks she slowly pokes around to try to find some evidence. That’s hard to come by. It seems to her that Dunn is a jerk but not a traitor. She tells this to Doug Standard, but he tells her to keep digging.Eventually she and Dunn go on a date and then go back to his house for “dessert.” Vinaya gets that feeling that someone is watching her like at the beginning. There’s something more going on than they told her about. Between that the lack of evidence of anything on Dunn, she decides to tell him the truth.He’s needless to say not happy. He’s promising to have her reassigned to Greenland or something when Doug bursts in along with some other guys. Since Vinaya isn’t going to do the mission properly, they force her to pose for some naughty pictures with Dunn. Then the goons drag her away so Doug and Dunn can talk things over.It becomes clear to Vinaya that they’re going to take her to some secluded to put a couple bullets in her, though they might do a few other things to her first. With a combination of her con artist skills and military training, she’s able to escape.The next day her face is plastered all over papers with some trumped-up nonsense about her working for Al-Qaeda. But Vinaya has spent most of her life dodging people trying to find her, so she’s able to stay in the clear. The problem is she isn’t sure to go. Finally she looks up Claire, who she figures is the only she can trust and that Doug and the chief won’t know about.Vinaya and Claire manage to have a relatively good time for a few days. Then Vinaya reads that Dunn along with some other higher ups will be at the testing of a new ballistic missile. Warning bells go off in Vinaya’s mind. Dunn is somehow going to sabotage the launch—unless she stops him.Claire goes with her and Vinaya gets them onto the base. Unfortunately Doug and some goons are there too. Claire volunteers to draw them off while Vinaya stops Dunn from whatever he’s going to do. In the chaos that follows, Vinaya finds the general, who reveals Doug is blackmailing him to change the coordinates of the missiles so it lands in the South China Sea, where a Chinese ship will be waiting to salvage it.Vinaya quickly explains her plan. She has Dunn give her a gun and pretends to take him hostage. She claims to be an Al-Qaeda operative here to sabotage the launch. Before anyone can stop her, she destroys the missile. In the chaos, she and Claire escape.In the epilogue, Vinaya learns the fallout from what happened. Doug turns up in the river while the chief is stepping down from the CIA. The photos of Vinaya and Dunn surface but everyone believes his story that she was a terrorist who forced him to take those pictures for blackmail purposes.Meanwhile Vinaya and Claire are hanging out on a beach or something—at least some guy in a suit shows up and says Vinaya is needed on another mission. When she protests, he says she can come quietly or be turned over to the FBI, who have her on the Most Wanted list. Again, she doesn’t have much choice, so away she goes, promising Claire she’ll be back.
There are probably some holes yet, but it's a lot closer to a thing than it was a few days ago. And you know I already have a Sim made up:
What's annoying about this is I had to do one picture with the glasses and one with the hat and then paste the hat onto the one with the glasses because they wouldn't both work at the same time. I don't have a formal army uniform so I just recolored a cop costume. But you get the gist of it.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
This Space For Rent
This blog is now closed. If you want to find out more about my books, then visit Planet 99 Publishing. Or look them up on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or other retailers.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: CLOSING TIME!!!

Anyway, since this blog isn't selling many books for me, there's no reason to continue it. I'm not sure what I ever did wrong, but it never could get much beyond the five or so people who regularly frequented the Grumpy Bulldog Blog.
Maybe my idea of regular programming never took off. I don't think this place ever became a destination for anyone. I doubt anyone ever woke up thinking, "I wonder what today's Comic Captions is?" Or, "I really need to get by Box Office Blitz picks in!" I'm not sure if that's my fault or your fault. I'd say the public deserves most of the blame. I mean I tried to come up with fun, interactive things to do, not just your typical boring litany of cover reveals and blogfests or rambling about my personal life. (Which is not a dig at certain long time visitors of this blog. Your ramblings are interesting; it's just other people's ramblings that are dull as dishwater.)
What I can say is the grand social experiment here failed. I'm sure most of it is I'm not a salesman. I never have been. I never will be. And I can't really abide small talk either. Some of the worst people in my book are those who have to yell "Morning!" and "How ya doin'!" at everyone and God forbid you don't answer them back they'll repeat it even louder like the fate of the fucking world rests on you exchanging stupid pleasantries with them despite that they don't even know my name and obviously have no fucking interest in how I'm doing. Even worse are the idiots who have to say, "Hey Patrick!" if I'm in a two block radius of them, no matter if I'm looking at them or not, as if it's some big accomplishment they can remember the name that's on two placards by my desk. Honestly about 90% of human interaction is absolutely pointless. I haven't any idea why we have to engage in these stupid games except stupid people can't stand to be alone with their thoughts.
So you can imagine I don't like going to 300 blogs a day and saying "Thanks for sharing!" on the off chance you might come read my blog and say "Thanks for sharing!" back. By the same token I don't like going to a blog and not having much of anything beyond that to say. Some of you could help me out there by having better posts! Except the people whose blogs I frequented regularly; they obviously passed muster.
Should I have followed more blogfests and posted more "awards" here? I never got into those things. I think they're dumb. I think the only reason they exist is so people don't have to think up ideas for themselves. I mean it's a lot easier if I let Alex Cavanaugh think up 2/3 of my entries than for me to think of them myself. Thinking gives me such a headache! (Why do you have a fucking blog then?)
I know, I'm not sociable. That's why I'm a fucking writer, people! So I can sit at my table at Arby's with my big noise-cancelling headphones on and type on my netbook and tune the rest of the world out. Which really this is always the dumbest part of the system to me. When I was just getting started, I thought you'd just be able to get an agent and they'd do all that marketing bullshit for you. But that's not what an agent does at all, apparently. I'm not sure what they really do or why we really need them except publishers don't want to be swamped with millions of shitty query letters. Basically I think I just needed the money to hire a publicist and an intern to do all this PR shit I can't stand.
Not that I don't like talking about my books. I LOVE talking about my books. I LOVE my books, period. I think that's a problem when I edit them; I love them too much sometimes. Then I can't understand why you people can't love them even 1% as much as I do. But I guess to you they're just more random books in a world with billions of them.
I kind of had this idea after it got accepted by a "publisher" that the Scarlet Knight series would be an easy sell. I mean the two top grossing movies in 2012 were superhero movies. In 2013 superhero movies were 2 of the top 3 in the "summer" season and I'm pretty sure "Iron Man 3," "Man of Steel," and "Thor 2" were all in the Top 10 for the year. But those are all established characters, some for 75 years now. And they're put out by multi-billion dollar conglomerates who can advertise everywhere.
I thought female readers (who make up the majority of readers) would appreciate a female superhero who isn't just boobs stuffed into a leotard. I suppose first female readers would have to know the book exists. When your "publisher" does nothing for you and you don't have the means to do much advertising yourself that becomes problematic. Three of seven Amazon reviews are presumably written by women and two of those only gave it 3 stars. Probably they would have liked it better if she just stood around sighing and let some dudes with six-pack abs save her. Your loss, ladies.
Anyway, before this turns completely into the last part of that Eminem song "Stan" (though I'll have you know I don't have any girls tied up in the trunk of my car), I'll just wrap this up. Thanks for reading, those who did. What a long, strange trip it's been.
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Sadly Blue II passed away before my blog. |
PT Dilloway
Grumpy Bulldog
Rogue Mutt
Eric Filler
Claire Lachance
Paul L. Madden
BJ Fraser
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