Hey, I finally stopped watching Rifftrax and MST3K on Pluto TV to watch other stuff! Some of which I've already mentioned in other entries, but some stuff I haven't.
The Shape of Water: This won the Oscar for Best Picture. I'm not sure it was the best movie of last year but it's a good movie. A quirky, sometimes raunchy fairy tale about a woman in 1962 who's working as a cleaning lady at a secret government lab when they bring in a creature from the Black Lagoon or something. She and the creature fall in love and she plots to break him out to escape the evil Michael Shannon. A good movie but maybe a little too simple; the only one who really has any moral complexity is the Russian double-agent. Otherwise you know who's good and who's bad pretty quick. (4/5) (Fun Fact: The creature is played by Doug Jones, who played a very similar creature in the Hellboy movies, also directed by Guillermo del Toro. This creature even has superpowers! He just can't talk. Maybe David Hyde Pierce was too busy to dub in.)
Deadpool 2: It's OK, but not as good as the first one. It does one of those annoying sequel things by killing off the girlfriend in the first 20 minutes. Then at least they make fun of that in the credits, so at least they recognize it's kind of lame. The "X-Force" thing is kind of a fake out. I'm sure there are some fans who are really annoyed about how Shatterstar and some of the others are used. Josh Brolin's Cable is OK but in the comics I guess he has a lot of other powers and stuff. The funniest parts were actually in the mid-credits scenes. Who would you trust less with a time travel device than Deadpool? If you haven't watched it yet, there's no end credits scene. I'm just saying. (2.5/5)
Blade Runner 2049: This sequel 30 years after the original is OK but not great. I mean it's not Last Jedi bad for a sequel but it's slow and really annoying the tiny text prologue to fill us in on all the history since the last movie. Over 90 minutes go by before Harrison Ford shows up. Even then mostly he's tied up and almost drowns. Can he just retire already? It's starting to get embarrassing. (2.5/5)
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle: Like Power Rangers earlier in the year, this is focused mainly on a group of teenagers learning to come together as a team after they're assigned to detention in a basement and find an old video game. When they pick characters and turn the game on, they're all sucked into the world of the game, where they have to return a jewel to a statue to save the land of Jumanji. The kids all get characters the opposite of what they are: the nerd is the Rock, the jock is Kevin Hart, the nerdy girl is a hot chick, and the hot chick is Jack Black. So the idea is that each character has to learn to use new skills as they come together. The Rock actually does a decent job impersonating a nerdy teenager and Jack Black does a good job impersonating a self-centered teenage girl. Overall it's a decent movie but fairly predictable. (2.5/5) (Fun Fact: There's sort of a reverse Big at the end when one kid who's been stuck in the game since the 90s reappears in modern times as Colin Hanks.)
Killing Gunther: This was a pretty funny mockumentary about a bunch of second-rate contract killers trying to kill the mythical Gunther. The reason being that killing Gunther would be like finding Bigfoot or UFOs or something; it would make them legends! But it turns out to be a lot harder than they thought. Many of them are killed while a couple others escape. It turns out Gunther is Ahh-nold Schwarzenegger. Overall it was really funny and there was plenty of action. (3/5)
Aftermath: This also stars Ahh-nold. Though it's not an action movie. It's a drama. If you didn't figure that out by watching the movie, then in the credits you might notice Arnold had a "drama coach." Because "stare at the floor or into the distance looking sad" needs a coach. This is I guess based on a true story. There's a snafu in the Columbus air traffic control tower and two planes crash. Ahh-nold's wife and daughter are on a flight from Kiev for whatever reason. Then he's sad for over a year while futilely trying to get anyone to apologize. Meanwhile the air traffic controller becomes a pariah and loses his wife and kid and job and stuff. Eventually there's some violence but by then there's been so much navel-gazing that who can even stay awake for it? The whole message of violence begets violence (or potential violence) is pretty cliche anyway. (1/5)
Good Time: The vampire guy from Twilight breaks his mentally challenged brother out of therapy to rob a bank so they can go buy a farm like Of Mice & Men or something. The teller gives them a dye pack so they end up being chased by cops and the mentally challenged brother is caught. So vampire guy has to try to get him out, which involves an odyssey through boroughs of New York that ultimately achieves nothing. Not really a great movie. Kind of boring. (2/5)
Logan Lucky: A West Virginia family has been down on their luck so long it seems to be a curse. Then the older brother (Channing Tatum) and his one-armed brother (Adam Driver) hatch a plan to rob a race track in North Carolina during a big race. They enlist the help of an explosives expert already in jail, Daniel Craig. Like a good heist movie there are plenty of twists and turns, but this was also pretty funny. (3/5)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: Have you realized the war in Afghanistan has been going on for almost 17 years now? This takes place mostly from 2003-2006, not even the halfway point! Not even the halfway point and already it was getting pushed off the front page for Iraq. So veteran producer Tina Fey gets to be a reporter in Afghanistan, which it turns out is not a lot of fun. It's highly dangerous and complicated. She and a Scottish journalist (Martin Freeman) get together and when he's captured, she goes to a Marine colonel (Billy Bob Thornton) to get him sprung. But there's no walking off into the sunset. Overall it was a good dramedy that's also a sad reminder of just how long we've been over there and how unlikely it is we'll stop anytime soon. (3/5)
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back: I watched the first one of these a while back and it wasn't that good. This one was better than I thought, though still not a great movie. An army major Jack Reacher has been talking to on the phone (Cobie Smulders, who was also in Killing Gunther) has been arrested for treason. He springs her and they go on the run, ending up in New Orleans with a teenage girl who may or may not be Jack's daughter. The whole thing revolves around a plot to smuggle in weapons and opium from Afghanistan--see WTF above. Pretty much a straight-ahead action thriller, which is I guess what you'd expect, right? (2.5/5)
2 Days in the Valley: This 90s movie involves assassins and robbery and some other stuff that I don't really remember right now. It has a good cast with Jeff Daniels (a rogue cop who really contributes nothing to the plot), James Spader (an evil hitman), and Charlize Theron--OMG, she's so fucking hot! Oh, and Danny Aiello is in it. Yeah. (2.5/5)
Free Fire: In the 70s two bands of criminals meet in a warehouse. A group of Irish "freedom fighters" led by Cillian Murphy are going to buy some guns from a South African group led by Sharlto Copley. But the deal goes sour and the whole movie then is the people running, jumping, ducking, and crawling around this warehouse in increasingly bad condition until only one is left to escape with the money. As you'd expect this isn't all that long; I think it's the kind that's "90 minutes" with the credits moving at a crawl to round it up to that. It is really action-packed though. It also stars Brie Larson and Armie Hammer. (2.5/5)
Shangri-La Suite: This is basically like if Wes Anderson had directed Natural Born Killers. A young man and woman fall in love at a rehab clinic. The boy has visions telling him to go to LA and kill Elvis during a concert. So he and the girl set off across the country. I actually fell asleep during the middle part, but I saw the end. I think it's obvious that Elvis didn't die--then at least. What I did see was pretty good. To elaborate on my first sentence, it has a lot of the quirky narration and stuff similar to Wes Anderson movies like Hotel Budapest, Royal Tenenbaums, and so on, but it's also about a couple going on a crime spree across the country. Maybe Bonnie & Clyde would be more appropriate for the second movie. Whatever. (2.5/5)
Crank 2: I only turned this on because it was free and I wondered how the fuck he could possibly have survived the last movie when at the end he fell from like several thousand feet onto the pavement. Well somehow he manages to stay alive long enough for a "Chinese" gangster (a racist cameo by the late, mostly unmissed David Carradine) to replace Crank Chelios's heart with a fake one that will go out unless he keeps it charged by doing dumb Jackass stunts like putting wires in his mouth and fucking his girlfriend in the middle of a horse racing track. It's an utterly dumb, homophobic, misogynistic, racist piece of garbage perfect for the Trump supporters at your next family reunion. Yee-haw! (-99999999999999999999999999999999999/5)
Moonraker: Someone had this bright idea that since Star Wars happened a year or so earlier, why don't we find a way to capitalize on that with the James Bond franchise?! Hence this piece of shit movie was born. Other than the title and name/occupation of the main character it bears no similarity to the Ian Fleming novel of the same name. In Bond fashion it goes from California to Italy to some other places, and then to a big space station where they have artificial gravity and laser guns. And even though there hadn't been an actual space shuttle launched into space yet, NASA can launch a shuttle with a cargo bay full of army guys on a moment's notice. I'm not a rocket scientist, but having watched/read The Martian I know it takes months to plan a space launch. And the G-forces would have crushed those army dudes in the cargo bay, which is why the astronauts were strapped in the nose section during launches. Ugh, so lame. (1/5)
The Mick: Kaitlin Olson basically just plays Dee from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia only without the rest of the gang. When her sister and her sister's husband abscond overseas after being accused of white collar crimes, black sheep Mickey is left to raise their 3 kids. It seems like a sweet deal in that she gets a mansion, fancy cars, and all that but the 3 kids are brats, kinda bringing it down. It's an OK show but didn't find enough of an audience at Fox. I think it would have played better on FX or FXX since it's the same kind of adult humor as Always Sunny. (3/5)
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency: This is a BBC America/AMC production very loosely based on the 2 Douglas Adams novels. I read those novels about 10 years ago but this really has nothing to do with those except a mention of Thor. Basically series creator Max Landis uses the title character's name and occupation and not much else. The plot involves time travel; a cult that swaps bodies (often with animals) to make money, have sorta-immortality, and infiltrate upper echelons of society; a 19th Century inventor; a bellhop; and a kitten with the spirit of a shark inside of it. It was pretty good but really I couldn't shake the feeling this was too much Max Landis and not enough Douglas Adams. It felt far more American than British, which in this case is sort of a bad thing. The last episode is frustrating in that it seems to end about 8 times before the final, depressing ending. I'm not sure if there's a season 2 yet--or ever. Probably the coolest thing was the steampunk Boba Fett/Iron Man suit the 19th Century inventor creates. (2.5/5)
Sneaky Pete, Season 2: I watched season 1 of this crime caper last year on Amazon and in March came the second season. In season 1 a con man pretends to be his cellmate to hide from a vicious mobster and infiltrates the cellmate's family. That season ended with the mobster dead and "Pete" (real name Marius) with a sack of money and heading out until he's picked up by two guys. So as this season begins, the two guys mistake him for the real Pete and want him to find his mother, who supposedly stole $11 million from a Montenegro gangster. There are a lot of machinations in the 10 episodes but the ending is only a little more satisfying than Ocean's Twelve, where as a screw you to the audience they revealed that the main objective had already been achieved a while ago and most of this movie was just for show. In this case a whole thing about a stuffed buffalo in an Indian casino was just for show. Pretty lame twist. Good setup, meh ending. If there's a season 3, Marius is likely to be confronted with Pete's family knowing he's not the real deal. (3/5)
Patriot, Season 1: This dramedy is also on Amazon Prime. It's about a burnt-out secret agent whose father convinces him to do one last mission. It's 2012 and Iran is nearing a nuclear weapon. John has been wandering around Europe, doing occasional folksinging gigs after he was captured and tortured in Egypt. To stop Iran, John's father wants him to get a job at an oil pipe maker in Milwaukee that's doing business in Iran. John will then relay some bribe money through Luxembourg. But things start going wrong from the interview. When a candidate seems likely to get the job instead of John, John shoves him in front of a truck. But he doesn't die! Instead he just has some brain damage and memory loss. Meanwhile, John's new boss (Kurtwood Smith of Robocop and That 70s Show fame) hates him, but John's ability to shoot ducks on a company trip wins him the favor of the CEO. Soon John is on a trip to Luxembourg, but when he has to check the bag of money, it ends up getting lost. And Luxembourg, which hasn't had a murder in years, soon has several on its hands. It was a pretty good show, though some threads like the folksinging partner played by Mark Boone Jr or John's wife don't really go anywhere. And what doesn't make much sense is the ending where the pretty Luxembourgian homicide detective steals the money, abandoning her daughter to get on a train for parts unknown. It didn't really seem to jive with someone who followed a murder investigation all the way to America (twice!) to suddenly just steal $11 million because she could. I guess that helps to set up a possible season 2. (3/5)
Once Upon a Time in Venice: Bruce Willis is a private eye in Venice Beach--the only private eye in Venice Beach. When his protege (that annoying guy from Silicon Valley and those Verizon ads) locates a missing Samoan woman and takes her to the office, where Bruce Willis and her have sex, it ends up starting a chain of events that has Bruce Willis dodging Mexican drug dealers, black drug dealers, Russian loan sharks, and jealous Samoan brothers. Through all of this he has to try to get his dog back. There are some fun parts, but in our outrage culture I suppose you can make the case that pretty much all the people of color are villains--at least initially. And I'm not sure why it needed a downer ending, unless it's to set up a sequel, which should be easy since it's not like you need much to land Bruce Willis these days. (2.5/5)
Birdemic 2: The Resurrection: What's the only thing worse than Birdemic? Birdemic 2 of course! It's hard to tell if this is so bad intentionally to mimic the first one or if James Nguyen is really this incompetent at film making. The most ridiculous moment is instead of renting an ambulance, they use about the worst CGI ambulance imaginable. Otherwise there's all the things you'd expect: wooden acting, nonsensical plot, and poorly rendered computer animated birds that don't behave in any way like real birds. Maybe it's that this wasn't a Rifftrax version that it was more depressing than fun. You'd think in 5 years or so James Nguyen might have learned something about film making, right? Apparently not. (-999999999999999999999999999999999999999999/5)
Suicide Squad: Hell to Pay: Amanda Waller is dying from...something and wants a magic card that will literally let her bypass Hell to go to Heaven. So she sends Deadshot, Bronze Tiger, Killer Frost, Captain Boomerang, Copperhead (a snake guy), and of course Harley Quinn to go steal the card from the daughter of Vandal Savage, the immortal Neanderthal. It's R-rated with plenty of blood and gore (like exploding heads) but the story is mostly nonsense. And since it involves Hell, why don't they go to Constantine, the HELLBlazer? I mean, duh. Instead they track down a former Dr. Fate working as a male stripper. Though it's not that long it's one of those that felt long. At least unlike the last animated Suicide Squad movie they didn't force Batman into it. (2/5)
Showing posts with label Movie Roundup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movie Roundup. Show all posts
Friday, May 25, 2018
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
The Disaster Artist is Ed Wood MInus a Point of View
Back in March I watched The Disaster Artist about Tommy Wiseau and the making of The Room. I was hoping to watch The Room first but Amazon doesn't have it to rent and I couldn't find it anywhere else and the DVD was like $11 so I said the hell with it and just watched The Disaster Artist instead.
In 1998 a struggling young actor named Greg (Dave Franco) meets Tommy Wiseau (James Franco, who also directs) at an acting class. For some reason Tommy speaks in broken English with a strange accent. Where is he from? How does he have money? How old is he? No one knows and watching this movie won't tell you.
Greg and Tommy go to LA where they struggle to find work. Ultimately they decide to make a movie. Tommy writes the script for The Room and plans to star in it with Greg as his co-star. With the money he gets from wherever, he hires Seth Rogen and a lot of people who have appeared in Seth Rogen movies to make it with him.
On the set Tommy is a cheap bully who also can't act his way out of a paper bag. As the director/producer/writer, the smartest thing he could have done is let someone else play the lead role. I guess then the movie wouldn't have been a complete disaster that's on par with Plan 9 From Outer Space for worst movie ever. At the same time Greg's relationship with a co-star makes things awkward, especially when Greg and the girl want to move out from Tommy's apartment. That's when Tommy really cranks up the bullying. When Greg bumps into Bryan Cranston, who agrees to give him a small part in a couple of Malcolm in the Middle episodes, Tommy won't let Greg have time off and forces him to shave the beard he needs for the part.
Almost a year after filming the movie, Greg and Tommy reunite for the premiere. The movie is so awful everyone starts laughing. At first Tommy flies into a rage, but Greg talks him down and Tommy claims he meant it as comedy all along. The End.
So what was the point? We don't really know much more about Tommy. We know he's kind of an asshole who made a shitty movie. That's about it.
Almost 25 years ago Tim Burton made a similar movie, Ed Wood, about the eponymous writer/director of Plan 9 From Outer Space and other terrible movies. What it did much better than The Disaster Artist was present an actual portrait of the main character. The movie actually takes a point of view that Ed Wood was enthusiastic and energetic about making and financing movies, but he wasn't very patient or talented. So at the end of the movie we have a better understanding of this deeply flawed human being. Even if it isn't exactly true (as many biopics aren't, ie The Social Network) it at least feels true enough. And so as the viewer I can feel I got to know the character and learned something about him and film making in general. Whereas with The Disaster Artist it's more like, Oh, so that's how they made that shitty movie I haven't seen. Awesome.
So for good or bad, right or wrong, you really want the biopic to take a stand and have some point of view. Otherwise it ends up as an empty experience.
I did eventually watch The Room when a DVD was cheap enough. It's not really so bad it's funny as just plain boring bad. It's a mix of wooden acting, awkward conversations, soft-core sex scenes, and unbearable misogyny. Basically the woman is an evil manipulator looking to cash in with some man and the men are innocent dupes. Maybe it'd help having the Rifftrax guys making jokes?
Fun Fact: At the end of The Disaster Artist's credits is a cookie scene where the fake Tommy Wiseau is approached by a character played by the real Tommy Wiseau and they butt heads. That was pretty funny.
In 1998 a struggling young actor named Greg (Dave Franco) meets Tommy Wiseau (James Franco, who also directs) at an acting class. For some reason Tommy speaks in broken English with a strange accent. Where is he from? How does he have money? How old is he? No one knows and watching this movie won't tell you.
Greg and Tommy go to LA where they struggle to find work. Ultimately they decide to make a movie. Tommy writes the script for The Room and plans to star in it with Greg as his co-star. With the money he gets from wherever, he hires Seth Rogen and a lot of people who have appeared in Seth Rogen movies to make it with him.
On the set Tommy is a cheap bully who also can't act his way out of a paper bag. As the director/producer/writer, the smartest thing he could have done is let someone else play the lead role. I guess then the movie wouldn't have been a complete disaster that's on par with Plan 9 From Outer Space for worst movie ever. At the same time Greg's relationship with a co-star makes things awkward, especially when Greg and the girl want to move out from Tommy's apartment. That's when Tommy really cranks up the bullying. When Greg bumps into Bryan Cranston, who agrees to give him a small part in a couple of Malcolm in the Middle episodes, Tommy won't let Greg have time off and forces him to shave the beard he needs for the part.
Almost a year after filming the movie, Greg and Tommy reunite for the premiere. The movie is so awful everyone starts laughing. At first Tommy flies into a rage, but Greg talks him down and Tommy claims he meant it as comedy all along. The End.
So what was the point? We don't really know much more about Tommy. We know he's kind of an asshole who made a shitty movie. That's about it.
Almost 25 years ago Tim Burton made a similar movie, Ed Wood, about the eponymous writer/director of Plan 9 From Outer Space and other terrible movies. What it did much better than The Disaster Artist was present an actual portrait of the main character. The movie actually takes a point of view that Ed Wood was enthusiastic and energetic about making and financing movies, but he wasn't very patient or talented. So at the end of the movie we have a better understanding of this deeply flawed human being. Even if it isn't exactly true (as many biopics aren't, ie The Social Network) it at least feels true enough. And so as the viewer I can feel I got to know the character and learned something about him and film making in general. Whereas with The Disaster Artist it's more like, Oh, so that's how they made that shitty movie I haven't seen. Awesome.
So for good or bad, right or wrong, you really want the biopic to take a stand and have some point of view. Otherwise it ends up as an empty experience.
I did eventually watch The Room when a DVD was cheap enough. It's not really so bad it's funny as just plain boring bad. It's a mix of wooden acting, awkward conversations, soft-core sex scenes, and unbearable misogyny. Basically the woman is an evil manipulator looking to cash in with some man and the men are innocent dupes. Maybe it'd help having the Rifftrax guys making jokes?
Fun Fact: At the end of The Disaster Artist's credits is a cookie scene where the fake Tommy Wiseau is approached by a character played by the real Tommy Wiseau and they butt heads. That was pretty funny.
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
The Long Overdue & Unnecessarily Grumpy Review of Thor Ragnarok
I'm actually writing this in March but thanks to the A to Z Challenge it's not posting until now. And the movie came out last November so this really is overdue.
Short review: meh. Is there such a thing as being too funny? I mean we've already had Thor in 4 movies and he's not really funny. Nor from the comics I've read is he supposed to be. I mean Spider-Man and Iron Man are supposed to be the smart asses; Thor and Captain America are straight men. That opening fight with Surfur and his minions I thought, is he drunk? All that quipping and smart-assery was definitely not him.
But hey I know what you're thinking: it was fun! For some reason that seems to be the only standard most Marvel movies are held to. Yeah, it was fun, I guess. I mean if you wanted Guardians of the Galaxy 2.5. I thought maybe it'd be a Thor movie. Or from the Hulk's appearance a Thor version of Planet Hulk. But no. It's just some half-assed Gladiator meets Guardians of the Galaxy thing. And then there's some Asgard stuff that's thrown in and really doesn't go with spaceships and lasers. But then this Asgard is just another planet and the gods aren't really gods; they're just aliens with magic or something.
The thing is there are like 50 years of Thor comics by now and Asgard has its own rich history and universe. So why do we need to go to some other planet and borrow from GOTG? In three movies we've hardly gotten to see more of Asgard than the palace and Bifrost. And now it's gone! Well, too bad, we hardly knew ye.
Also gone is just about everyone from the previous two movies except Thor, Loki, Odin, and Heimdall. What about Jane Foster? There's just some lame joke about mutual dumping cribbed from Seinfeld in 1995. The "Warriors Three" have been a part of the comics for most of the book's run, but here they're dispatched with barely a thought. As for Lady Sif, his possible Asgardian love interest, she's not even mentioned. (I know, she's on The Blindspot, but they couldn't steal a joke from Seinfeld or another 90s comedy for her?)
Instead of getting lost in space, Thor could have been stranded on some other part of Asgard and we could have gotten to know the planet and people a bit more. Nah, let's go to Junkion with Jeff Goldblum in full Jeff Goldblum parody mode and do the most half-assed version of Planet Hulk possible.
Bringing me to my next point: Planet Hulk deserved better than this. If you've never read it, you should. Or you can watch the animated version, which I guess is the closest we'll ever get now to a movie. It's a really good story that allowed the Hulk to show he could be more than a rage monster smashing things. Or in this case acting like a fucking toddler. In that story the Hulk leads a rebellion against a tyrannical leader and falls in love and even makes a baby! It was a story that allowed the Hulk to be a 3-dimensional character without Banner, something almost unheard of. But this just takes that story and pisses down its throat. It's too bad we'll never get a real adaptation.
As part of that, I guess we'll just ignore the fact that the Hulk killed dozens of sentient beings like "Doug." I guess he did that in The Avengers too but those were an invading horde; these were just other aliens who were stranded on Junkion--or whatever it's called. Poor Mark Ruffalo gets nothing to do in Banner mode except whine and cringe while other than fighting Thor, Hulk does what? Fight a really shitty-looking giant wolf? The trailer scene of him punching giant Surfur was just a fake-out; they don't really fight.
Seriously, Fenris looked so lame. It was one step removed from those 50s monster movies where they'd film normal insects or reptiles (lizards, ants, grasshoppers, etc) and superimpose them on the film so they'd look huge. I guess the wolf could have looked too computerized like Sharknado sharks or Birdemic birds, but this wasn't much better.
And once again Marvel fails to create a memorable villain. Hela is just another boring one-note villain who is then disposed of, though not as easy as some like Whiplash. Her extremely nuanced goal is to take over the universe. She just kills and bitches and makes some bad quips. Yawn.
The only other important female character was the Valkyrie with a drinking problem. Apparently she's the last Valkyrie and was saved by a hot blonde one. Was there maybe something going on there? Well of course we couldn't really explore that because if we had a gay kiss or anything the movie couldn't be shown in China or the Middle East or Russia and Disney would lose hundreds of millions of dollars. So just keep it in the closet.
Like with the Hulk, Loki is responsible for a lot of deaths. His usurping Odin's throne is what allowed Hela to come back and kill thousands of Asgardians. This on top of thousands of New Yorkers and various other people. But he's totally learned his lesson now, right? So it's cool.
The whole thing just struck me as a lot of tedious eye candy lacking much real heart. All Thor learns in the end is to stop relying on his hammer so much. And maybe Loki will stop being such a dick after a million years or so? Ha, yeah, that'll stick. I mean until the next movie.
But it was fun! And critics liked it! Most critics still think Superman: The Movie is the greatest superhero movie ever. The movie where Superman turns back time by spinning the Earth backwards. Ugh. Hey, why didn't Thor think to spin Asgard backwards?
At least Idris Elba got slightly more to do than stand by the Bifrost entrance in uncomfortable armor with a big sword. So that's something.
Short review: meh. Is there such a thing as being too funny? I mean we've already had Thor in 4 movies and he's not really funny. Nor from the comics I've read is he supposed to be. I mean Spider-Man and Iron Man are supposed to be the smart asses; Thor and Captain America are straight men. That opening fight with Surfur and his minions I thought, is he drunk? All that quipping and smart-assery was definitely not him.
But hey I know what you're thinking: it was fun! For some reason that seems to be the only standard most Marvel movies are held to. Yeah, it was fun, I guess. I mean if you wanted Guardians of the Galaxy 2.5. I thought maybe it'd be a Thor movie. Or from the Hulk's appearance a Thor version of Planet Hulk. But no. It's just some half-assed Gladiator meets Guardians of the Galaxy thing. And then there's some Asgard stuff that's thrown in and really doesn't go with spaceships and lasers. But then this Asgard is just another planet and the gods aren't really gods; they're just aliens with magic or something.
The thing is there are like 50 years of Thor comics by now and Asgard has its own rich history and universe. So why do we need to go to some other planet and borrow from GOTG? In three movies we've hardly gotten to see more of Asgard than the palace and Bifrost. And now it's gone! Well, too bad, we hardly knew ye.
Also gone is just about everyone from the previous two movies except Thor, Loki, Odin, and Heimdall. What about Jane Foster? There's just some lame joke about mutual dumping cribbed from Seinfeld in 1995. The "Warriors Three" have been a part of the comics for most of the book's run, but here they're dispatched with barely a thought. As for Lady Sif, his possible Asgardian love interest, she's not even mentioned. (I know, she's on The Blindspot, but they couldn't steal a joke from Seinfeld or another 90s comedy for her?)
Instead of getting lost in space, Thor could have been stranded on some other part of Asgard and we could have gotten to know the planet and people a bit more. Nah, let's go to Junkion with Jeff Goldblum in full Jeff Goldblum parody mode and do the most half-assed version of Planet Hulk possible.
Bringing me to my next point: Planet Hulk deserved better than this. If you've never read it, you should. Or you can watch the animated version, which I guess is the closest we'll ever get now to a movie. It's a really good story that allowed the Hulk to show he could be more than a rage monster smashing things. Or in this case acting like a fucking toddler. In that story the Hulk leads a rebellion against a tyrannical leader and falls in love and even makes a baby! It was a story that allowed the Hulk to be a 3-dimensional character without Banner, something almost unheard of. But this just takes that story and pisses down its throat. It's too bad we'll never get a real adaptation.
As part of that, I guess we'll just ignore the fact that the Hulk killed dozens of sentient beings like "Doug." I guess he did that in The Avengers too but those were an invading horde; these were just other aliens who were stranded on Junkion--or whatever it's called. Poor Mark Ruffalo gets nothing to do in Banner mode except whine and cringe while other than fighting Thor, Hulk does what? Fight a really shitty-looking giant wolf? The trailer scene of him punching giant Surfur was just a fake-out; they don't really fight.
Seriously, Fenris looked so lame. It was one step removed from those 50s monster movies where they'd film normal insects or reptiles (lizards, ants, grasshoppers, etc) and superimpose them on the film so they'd look huge. I guess the wolf could have looked too computerized like Sharknado sharks or Birdemic birds, but this wasn't much better.
And once again Marvel fails to create a memorable villain. Hela is just another boring one-note villain who is then disposed of, though not as easy as some like Whiplash. Her extremely nuanced goal is to take over the universe. She just kills and bitches and makes some bad quips. Yawn.
The only other important female character was the Valkyrie with a drinking problem. Apparently she's the last Valkyrie and was saved by a hot blonde one. Was there maybe something going on there? Well of course we couldn't really explore that because if we had a gay kiss or anything the movie couldn't be shown in China or the Middle East or Russia and Disney would lose hundreds of millions of dollars. So just keep it in the closet.
Like with the Hulk, Loki is responsible for a lot of deaths. His usurping Odin's throne is what allowed Hela to come back and kill thousands of Asgardians. This on top of thousands of New Yorkers and various other people. But he's totally learned his lesson now, right? So it's cool.
The whole thing just struck me as a lot of tedious eye candy lacking much real heart. All Thor learns in the end is to stop relying on his hammer so much. And maybe Loki will stop being such a dick after a million years or so? Ha, yeah, that'll stick. I mean until the next movie.
But it was fun! And critics liked it! Most critics still think Superman: The Movie is the greatest superhero movie ever. The movie where Superman turns back time by spinning the Earth backwards. Ugh. Hey, why didn't Thor think to spin Asgard backwards?
At least Idris Elba got slightly more to do than stand by the Bifrost entrance in uncomfortable armor with a big sword. So that's something.
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
Can Even the Grumpy Bulldog Save a Flash Movie?
About 2 weeks ago I got my copy of Justice League on Blu-Ray and I watched it again. I still think some of the negativity is unwarranted. It's not a great movie but it's not a bad movie. Like Fantastic Four (2015) it seems negative hype got a little overblown. Maybe Disney hired Cambridge Analytica to plant fake news or something.
Anyway, I got thinking about a potential Flash solo movie. The current plan is a Flashpoint movie, which is completely asinine. You have a character with maybe an hour screen time in 3 movies (JL, Suicide Squad, and BvS) and you're going to do a reboot movie? You haven't even established the universe and you're rebooting it? You've barely even established the Flash's powers and he's going to be time traveling? Da fuck? It makes no sense except Geoff Johns wants to use one of his major Flash stories with a well-known title to attract fans. I mean I liked the story in the comics but it's not the right time for it. You do a movie or two and then go with that.
As I am wont to do, (see Star Wars, Wonder Woman, Logan, and Batgirl) I decided to try coming up with my own idea. The thing that stymied me is that JL uses the Flash pretty much as a kid sidekick. In his own words, all he'd done before JL was push people and run. For some reason in JL, Avengers 2, and the last two X-Men movies speedsters are used as comic relief. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's that super speed is hard to show on the screen.
So the problem is: how do you make a solo movie with a second banana? Or third banana maybe. My thinking is that obviously what you have to do is focus on the young sidekick becoming a hero. And to do that you need a mentor. Preferably someone who has super speed. I mean what can Batman teach the Flash about his powers? I guess you could use someone like Max Mercury or whoever, but I think the original Flash, Jay Garrick, would be a good choice.
Anyway, I got thinking about the whole Speed Force thing and that made me think of something that's a cross between season 2 of the TV show and a plot that's been used the last 5 years or so in Spider-Man, Dr. Strange, and Superman comics at least.
In a prologue we have a speedster who's from another Earth. Not one of the important speedsters. Doesn't even need a name or anything. Basically he or she is just running around doing super speed stuff when all the sudden a monstrous shape attacks him or her. Despite his or her best efforts, the monster kills him or her and like a vampire absorbs his or her speed. Then it disappears in a flash--pun intended. And then you could bring up the title: The Flash: Speed Force.
Meanwhile Barry is starting his job for the police force and meeting Iris or whoever and so on and so forth. That night we got to the house of Jay Garrick, who's in his 60s or so and has long retired from superheroing. Not that anyone really knew about him. He's just watching TV or something when the power goes out. Then the monstrous shape appears! The monster tries to get him but Jay still has speed, just not as much maybe. They start a chase around the city that's knocking out power and showering lightning around, eventually drawing Barry's attention. He gets in costume and rushes out to get to the bottom of it.
The monster has nearly caught Jay, but Barry arrives in time to grab him and retreat. In some remote place, Jay reveals that he gained super speed back in the 60s or 70s and fought crime and all that noise. He doesn't know who or what the monster is, though. But he agrees to help Barry stop the thing.
Meanwhile there's more personal stuff with Barry and his dad and Iris and whatever. The monster licks its wounds and then goes after another speedster on another Earth. Jesse Quick? Wally West (white or black version)? Bart Allen? Savitar? Godspeed? I dunno. Whoever. Probably someone who can die, though, so I guess not too major.
Jay does his Jedi Master bit, teaching Barry more about his speed and things he can do with it andwhining like a bitch. Eventually he learns how to really tap into the Speed Force. It's like a whole other dimension or plane of existence or whatnot that's only accessible by those with super speed. And maybe he meets some of the others there.
Later the monster returns and Barry tries to confront it, but even with his training he's losing. Before the monster can kill him, another speedster shows up to help Barry. The guy has a yellow costume like Barry's and claims to be from the 25th Century. Where he comes from Barry Allen is a legend and so he wanted to be just like him--or so he says. Though Jay is skeptical of the guy, he seems to be pretty helpful. He says the monster is known only as Zoom and it's determined to have all the super speed in the universe--all universes.
Later, while Barry is off with Iris or whoever, the helpful stranger in yellow is confronted by Zoom. It's going to take his speed, but the stranger offers to help Zoom get Barry Allen in exchange for two things: he keeps his speed and he gets to kill Barry. Jay has been spying on them and goes to warn Barry, but Zoom catches up to him and with the stranger's help kills him.
The next day on his job Barry is brought to the crime scene where he finds Jay's body. He's distraught and talks to Iris or whoever about it and so on. That night when he's in costume running around, Jay's spirit appears to lead him into the Speed Force. Jay's still alive there in spirit. He delivers his warning about the guy in yellow--the Reverse Flash or Professor Zoom or whatever the hell he's called these days. And also that in order to defeat Zoom Barry can't do it alone. They're going to need as many speedsters as they can get! (Or our budget can afford.)
So Barry goes to a couple of alternate Earths to recruit Wally or Jessie or Bart or whoever. Then we have a battle royale in the Speed Force! Barry and TBD speedsters vs Zoom and Reverse Flash! During the fight Zoom reveals that he's...someone. Evil Jay from another dimension? Evil Barry from another dimension? Barry's dad or mom from another dimension? Iris from another dimension? Grant Gustin? Deadpool? I don't know. Anyone who votes on that can have part of the nonexistent money I'll get from DC/WB for this.
Eventually Zoom is defeated. As for Reverse Flash, Barry has him cornered. Reverse Flash then reveals he killed Barry's mother. Barry is stunned just long enough for Reverse Flash to escape.
Then we wrap up with Barry thinking about his mom and talking to his dad, Iris (or whoever), Jay, and whatever. Maybe one of the other speedsters like Wally or Bart sticks around. And Barry starts thinking that he needs to capture Reverse Flash and find a way to save his mom.
(Ominous music...cue the credits!)
Again, this wasn't really that hard Seth Graeme-Smith and all the other people who've dropped the ball. Jeez, do I have to do all the thinking around here?
Anyway, I got thinking about a potential Flash solo movie. The current plan is a Flashpoint movie, which is completely asinine. You have a character with maybe an hour screen time in 3 movies (JL, Suicide Squad, and BvS) and you're going to do a reboot movie? You haven't even established the universe and you're rebooting it? You've barely even established the Flash's powers and he's going to be time traveling? Da fuck? It makes no sense except Geoff Johns wants to use one of his major Flash stories with a well-known title to attract fans. I mean I liked the story in the comics but it's not the right time for it. You do a movie or two and then go with that.
As I am wont to do, (see Star Wars, Wonder Woman, Logan, and Batgirl) I decided to try coming up with my own idea. The thing that stymied me is that JL uses the Flash pretty much as a kid sidekick. In his own words, all he'd done before JL was push people and run. For some reason in JL, Avengers 2, and the last two X-Men movies speedsters are used as comic relief. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's that super speed is hard to show on the screen.
So the problem is: how do you make a solo movie with a second banana? Or third banana maybe. My thinking is that obviously what you have to do is focus on the young sidekick becoming a hero. And to do that you need a mentor. Preferably someone who has super speed. I mean what can Batman teach the Flash about his powers? I guess you could use someone like Max Mercury or whoever, but I think the original Flash, Jay Garrick, would be a good choice.
Anyway, I got thinking about the whole Speed Force thing and that made me think of something that's a cross between season 2 of the TV show and a plot that's been used the last 5 years or so in Spider-Man, Dr. Strange, and Superman comics at least.
In a prologue we have a speedster who's from another Earth. Not one of the important speedsters. Doesn't even need a name or anything. Basically he or she is just running around doing super speed stuff when all the sudden a monstrous shape attacks him or her. Despite his or her best efforts, the monster kills him or her and like a vampire absorbs his or her speed. Then it disappears in a flash--pun intended. And then you could bring up the title: The Flash: Speed Force.
Meanwhile Barry is starting his job for the police force and meeting Iris or whoever and so on and so forth. That night we got to the house of Jay Garrick, who's in his 60s or so and has long retired from superheroing. Not that anyone really knew about him. He's just watching TV or something when the power goes out. Then the monstrous shape appears! The monster tries to get him but Jay still has speed, just not as much maybe. They start a chase around the city that's knocking out power and showering lightning around, eventually drawing Barry's attention. He gets in costume and rushes out to get to the bottom of it.
The monster has nearly caught Jay, but Barry arrives in time to grab him and retreat. In some remote place, Jay reveals that he gained super speed back in the 60s or 70s and fought crime and all that noise. He doesn't know who or what the monster is, though. But he agrees to help Barry stop the thing.
Meanwhile there's more personal stuff with Barry and his dad and Iris and whatever. The monster licks its wounds and then goes after another speedster on another Earth. Jesse Quick? Wally West (white or black version)? Bart Allen? Savitar? Godspeed? I dunno. Whoever. Probably someone who can die, though, so I guess not too major.
Jay does his Jedi Master bit, teaching Barry more about his speed and things he can do with it and
Later the monster returns and Barry tries to confront it, but even with his training he's losing. Before the monster can kill him, another speedster shows up to help Barry. The guy has a yellow costume like Barry's and claims to be from the 25th Century. Where he comes from Barry Allen is a legend and so he wanted to be just like him--or so he says. Though Jay is skeptical of the guy, he seems to be pretty helpful. He says the monster is known only as Zoom and it's determined to have all the super speed in the universe--all universes.
Later, while Barry is off with Iris or whoever, the helpful stranger in yellow is confronted by Zoom. It's going to take his speed, but the stranger offers to help Zoom get Barry Allen in exchange for two things: he keeps his speed and he gets to kill Barry. Jay has been spying on them and goes to warn Barry, but Zoom catches up to him and with the stranger's help kills him.
The next day on his job Barry is brought to the crime scene where he finds Jay's body. He's distraught and talks to Iris or whoever about it and so on. That night when he's in costume running around, Jay's spirit appears to lead him into the Speed Force. Jay's still alive there in spirit. He delivers his warning about the guy in yellow--the Reverse Flash or Professor Zoom or whatever the hell he's called these days. And also that in order to defeat Zoom Barry can't do it alone. They're going to need as many speedsters as they can get! (Or our budget can afford.)
So Barry goes to a couple of alternate Earths to recruit Wally or Jessie or Bart or whoever. Then we have a battle royale in the Speed Force! Barry and TBD speedsters vs Zoom and Reverse Flash! During the fight Zoom reveals that he's...someone. Evil Jay from another dimension? Evil Barry from another dimension? Barry's dad or mom from another dimension? Iris from another dimension? Grant Gustin? Deadpool? I don't know. Anyone who votes on that can have part of the nonexistent money I'll get from DC/WB for this.
Eventually Zoom is defeated. As for Reverse Flash, Barry has him cornered. Reverse Flash then reveals he killed Barry's mother. Barry is stunned just long enough for Reverse Flash to escape.
Then we wrap up with Barry thinking about his mom and talking to his dad, Iris (or whoever), Jay, and whatever. Maybe one of the other speedsters like Wally or Bart sticks around. And Barry starts thinking that he needs to capture Reverse Flash and find a way to save his mom.
(Ominous music...cue the credits!)
Again, this wasn't really that hard Seth Graeme-Smith and all the other people who've dropped the ball. Jeez, do I have to do all the thinking around here?
Monday, February 16, 2015
Movie Roundup 2/16/15: Gone Girl, Fury, Lucy, John Wick, and more!
I've had the Roku working for over a week, so I could have watched movies through that, but newer ones are like $5 on Amazon, Google Play, etc. I decided then one day at the grocery store to hit the Redbox and then I went back a few times to catch up on some recent movies I had missed.
Gone Girl: The way this movie starts, a man (Ben Affleck) finds his wife missing and house messed up and of course he's the prime suspect. Only I never believed Affleck did it, not even for a second, because that would have been too obvious. The real explanation starts out pretty messed-up and only gets more so from there. What this movie does really well is illustrate how people are demonized by Nancy Grace and the like before they can even get a trial. Think Casey Anthony and so forth. My main criticism is that the end is one of those that keeps going when it probably could have ended 10-15 minutes sooner. (3.5/5)
Fury: Did the world need another World War II movie? Not really, but what the hell. This is a pretty gritty story about a tank crew in 1945 as the Allies are pushing the Germans back towards Berlin. The tank ultimately gets stuck and has to do a 300 against a bunch of SS goons. As far as war movies go it's not really breaking any new ground, but it's still a good war movie if you're into that. (3/5)
Lucy: This is another actioner from the Luc Besson factory, only Scarlett Johannson, aka Black Widow from the Avengers, takes over for Liam Neeson. The premise of the movie is pretty silly. The eponymous main character's drug courier boyfriend gets her mixed up with guys who manufacture something called CPH4 which is something newborn babies produce in small quantities to grow. In a large quantity, like when a bag of it in Lucy's intestines breaks open, gives her superpowers and turns her into the Terminator, who has to get the other 3 bags of CPH4 before the bad guys. Morgan Freeman cashes a paycheck as the dopey scientist who gives credibility to the idea that people only use 10% of their brain and if they use more they'll get magic powers, sort of like the Star Child in 2001, which all the trippy stuff at the end is I'm sure supposed to invoke. I'm not all into science like other people, but I don't think that 10% thing is true and that all this "extra capacity" is really just storage. Anyway, my main criticism is that after she hits 20% Black Widow has less personality than when she played a computer in Her. But it got me thinking that Luc Besson could probably do an OK version of Chance of a Lifetime, so long as we set it in France and take out most of the middle to focus on the action. (2/5)
The Drop: This was notable for being James Gandolfini's last movie and not much else. It's written by Dennis Lehane of Mystic River fame and that's the sort of gritty attitude it's going for, only Brooklyn instead of Boston. Tom Hardy, aka Bane and soon Mad Max but not Rick Flagg, runs the bar while his cousin Marv (Gandolfini) supervises. The bar is really a front for the Russian or Chechyan mob, who routinely drop payments there, hence the title. It's kind of a slow movie, but there's sort of a twist at the end. Still, it's kind of a forgettable movie. (2.5/5)
Justice League: Throne of Atlantis: Aquaman wasn't in the first rebooted Justice League animated movie (War!) perhaps because this sequel focuses largely on him as the bastard son of the Atlantean queen who has to take over when his evil half-brother tries to take over Earth. It's OK but at 72 minutes some of the characters like Shazam (aka Captain Marvel), Flash, Green Lantern, and Batman get short shrift. The Superman/Wonder Woman flying kiss is thrown in at the beginning where it has no dramatic impact at all. And, well, it focuses on Aquaman. Nuff said. (2.5/5)
But even though this movie didn't exist and I hadn't read the comics it was based on, some of the stuff in there got into my Girl Power books. The Aquaman character in that series was named Lord Neptune, who then becomes a woman named Queen Neptune. Anyway, he had an evil brother who adopted the nickname Killer Whale. There was also a magic trident that only the royals could wield just like the Atlanteans. Only the trident in mine magically folds into a seashell for portability. Suck on that, Geoff Johns.
John Wick: This is like a modern, stupid version of Road to Perdition. The story is pretty much the same where a hitman turns on his former employer because the employer's idiot son killed everything the hitman loved. Only in this case it's a dog the eponymous character's dead wife left to him. (And stole his old Mustang.) Because of that I'm not sure if we're supposed to take the movie seriously or not. Anyway, after that it's pretty much just assassin movie cliches. (1/5)
November Man: speaking of assassin movie cliches! This is one of those movies that could have gone straight to the Redbox. It follows that formula of casting an aging but still recognizable star (Pierce Brosnan) surround him with no names and film it in a cheap Eastern European location. The details of the plot aren't really important. Anyway, it's a fairly well-made shopworn cat-and-mouse spy movie. (2.5/5)
The Brothers Bloom: After I finished Breaking Bad on Netflix I watched this, which was directed by Rian Johnson, who directed a few episodes of that series and has now landed the next two Star Wars movies. Anyway, this is about two conmen. The older is the current Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) and the younger is that guy from the Pianist who's down to doing razor commercials and History Channel movies (Adrien Brody). The thing is that Adrien Brody has been in a number of Wes Anderson movies and that's how this movie feels for the first 2/3 before shit gets real. So that 2/3 was more fun than the final act. (3/5)
The Throw Aways: This is the pilot for a series on Crackle, one of the things I have on my Roku. Anyway, it's supposed to be like the A-Team only if Hannibal were a computer hacker played by Sam Huntington who recruits a bunch of losers (but not THE Losers because that was a different movie that's sort of the same thing) to stop someone with an encryption key that could let the highest bidder destroy power grids or something. A decrepit James Caan cashes a paycheck as the team's Bosley. The production values and acting are comparable to regular TV. I have to say it was better than TNT's The Librarians but I wouldn't really care to watch a whole series of it. (2.5/5)
Gone Girl: The way this movie starts, a man (Ben Affleck) finds his wife missing and house messed up and of course he's the prime suspect. Only I never believed Affleck did it, not even for a second, because that would have been too obvious. The real explanation starts out pretty messed-up and only gets more so from there. What this movie does really well is illustrate how people are demonized by Nancy Grace and the like before they can even get a trial. Think Casey Anthony and so forth. My main criticism is that the end is one of those that keeps going when it probably could have ended 10-15 minutes sooner. (3.5/5)
Fury: Did the world need another World War II movie? Not really, but what the hell. This is a pretty gritty story about a tank crew in 1945 as the Allies are pushing the Germans back towards Berlin. The tank ultimately gets stuck and has to do a 300 against a bunch of SS goons. As far as war movies go it's not really breaking any new ground, but it's still a good war movie if you're into that. (3/5)
Lucy: This is another actioner from the Luc Besson factory, only Scarlett Johannson, aka Black Widow from the Avengers, takes over for Liam Neeson. The premise of the movie is pretty silly. The eponymous main character's drug courier boyfriend gets her mixed up with guys who manufacture something called CPH4 which is something newborn babies produce in small quantities to grow. In a large quantity, like when a bag of it in Lucy's intestines breaks open, gives her superpowers and turns her into the Terminator, who has to get the other 3 bags of CPH4 before the bad guys. Morgan Freeman cashes a paycheck as the dopey scientist who gives credibility to the idea that people only use 10% of their brain and if they use more they'll get magic powers, sort of like the Star Child in 2001, which all the trippy stuff at the end is I'm sure supposed to invoke. I'm not all into science like other people, but I don't think that 10% thing is true and that all this "extra capacity" is really just storage. Anyway, my main criticism is that after she hits 20% Black Widow has less personality than when she played a computer in Her. But it got me thinking that Luc Besson could probably do an OK version of Chance of a Lifetime, so long as we set it in France and take out most of the middle to focus on the action. (2/5)
The Drop: This was notable for being James Gandolfini's last movie and not much else. It's written by Dennis Lehane of Mystic River fame and that's the sort of gritty attitude it's going for, only Brooklyn instead of Boston. Tom Hardy, aka Bane and soon Mad Max but not Rick Flagg, runs the bar while his cousin Marv (Gandolfini) supervises. The bar is really a front for the Russian or Chechyan mob, who routinely drop payments there, hence the title. It's kind of a slow movie, but there's sort of a twist at the end. Still, it's kind of a forgettable movie. (2.5/5)
Justice League: Throne of Atlantis: Aquaman wasn't in the first rebooted Justice League animated movie (War!) perhaps because this sequel focuses largely on him as the bastard son of the Atlantean queen who has to take over when his evil half-brother tries to take over Earth. It's OK but at 72 minutes some of the characters like Shazam (aka Captain Marvel), Flash, Green Lantern, and Batman get short shrift. The Superman/Wonder Woman flying kiss is thrown in at the beginning where it has no dramatic impact at all. And, well, it focuses on Aquaman. Nuff said. (2.5/5)
But even though this movie didn't exist and I hadn't read the comics it was based on, some of the stuff in there got into my Girl Power books. The Aquaman character in that series was named Lord Neptune, who then becomes a woman named Queen Neptune. Anyway, he had an evil brother who adopted the nickname Killer Whale. There was also a magic trident that only the royals could wield just like the Atlanteans. Only the trident in mine magically folds into a seashell for portability. Suck on that, Geoff Johns.
John Wick: This is like a modern, stupid version of Road to Perdition. The story is pretty much the same where a hitman turns on his former employer because the employer's idiot son killed everything the hitman loved. Only in this case it's a dog the eponymous character's dead wife left to him. (And stole his old Mustang.) Because of that I'm not sure if we're supposed to take the movie seriously or not. Anyway, after that it's pretty much just assassin movie cliches. (1/5)
November Man: speaking of assassin movie cliches! This is one of those movies that could have gone straight to the Redbox. It follows that formula of casting an aging but still recognizable star (Pierce Brosnan) surround him with no names and film it in a cheap Eastern European location. The details of the plot aren't really important. Anyway, it's a fairly well-made shopworn cat-and-mouse spy movie. (2.5/5)
The Brothers Bloom: After I finished Breaking Bad on Netflix I watched this, which was directed by Rian Johnson, who directed a few episodes of that series and has now landed the next two Star Wars movies. Anyway, this is about two conmen. The older is the current Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) and the younger is that guy from the Pianist who's down to doing razor commercials and History Channel movies (Adrien Brody). The thing is that Adrien Brody has been in a number of Wes Anderson movies and that's how this movie feels for the first 2/3 before shit gets real. So that 2/3 was more fun than the final act. (3/5)
The Throw Aways: This is the pilot for a series on Crackle, one of the things I have on my Roku. Anyway, it's supposed to be like the A-Team only if Hannibal were a computer hacker played by Sam Huntington who recruits a bunch of losers (but not THE Losers because that was a different movie that's sort of the same thing) to stop someone with an encryption key that could let the highest bidder destroy power grids or something. A decrepit James Caan cashes a paycheck as the team's Bosley. The production values and acting are comparable to regular TV. I have to say it was better than TNT's The Librarians but I wouldn't really care to watch a whole series of it. (2.5/5)
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Movie Round-Up 1/14/15: The Interview, The Gambler, Life Itself, A Walk Among the Tombstones
If you want, after you read this entry, head over to the Indie Writers Monthly blog to read about my attempt at using draft2digital instead of Smashwords. Is it better or worse? Go there to find out!
The last couple of days I was at the Hampton in Midland, MI and I could actually hook my Roku up again, so I took advantage to catch up on some movies.
The Interview: Like many people, I didn't really care much about this. I mean I never paid to see Seth Rogen in a movie in a theater before. Or I don't think on DVD either unless I got one from Redbox at some point. But like many people after theaters turned to total pussies and didn't want to screen the movie, I wanted to stick it to North Korea by watching it.
I get why North Korea wouldn't want North Koreans seeing it. From an article I read on Yahoo! the idea that Kim Jong-Un's people believe him to be a god is true, so he wouldn't want his people seeing a movie that portrays him crying to a Katy Perry song and crapping his pants.
Beyond that, the movie is OK but not great. It's a little too long like many comedic movies these days. As you would except from a Seth Rogen-James Flacco vehicle, it features a lot of dick and shit jokes, but there is at the core the truth about the North Korean situation. (2.5/5)
The Gambler: I watched this in the theater while waiting to check in to the Hampton. It was the only movie playing at 11:45 in Midland, plus I figured no one else would be there. I was close; one other guy showed up. Anyway, this is better than I thought it would be, but while it's billed as a thriller, I think the real focus of it is more of a drama.
For me, the film's ultimate message is that some people have to dig down all the way to the bedrock before they can force themselves to start climbing out of the hole. Marky Mark Wahlberg's character is an English professor who had some falling out with his grandpa at the start of the movie and then goes into a spiral of losing money to gangsters. At the start of the movie he loses a bunch of money to a Korean gangster and then goes out to the parking lot to borrow money from a black gangster, which he also loses.
What I didn't like is the guy seemed like a total idiot. I mean every bet he makes is all-in. If you win $160,000 or so, you should probably keep at least a reserve of $10,000 or so to start over again if you lose. But as the movie unfolds you realize that he makes those bets because at the core he really wants to lose. Even when his older ex-wife (Jessica Lange) gives him the money to pay off the gangsters, what does he do? Blow it in an Indian casino. Because only then could he hit absolute rock bottom and have nowhere to go but up. Understanding that made me like the movie more than I would otherwise.
(3/5)
A Walk Among the Tombstones: I read the book for this when I was gallivanting across the country. Specifically it was the day I went from Seattle, to Cape Disappointment, then on to Portland. I was going to see the movie when in Portland, but then a tooth broke and I never got back to it. So finally I had to wait until it came out on digital download.
The book is part of Lawrence Block's Matthew Scudder series. Scudder is an ex-NYPD detective who retired after years of drinking led him to accidentally killing a little girl while trying to stop some thieves. Or at least that's the movie version; I haven't read most of the Scudder series. Since then, Scudder works as an unlicensed PI while dealing with his drinking issues at AA meetings.
Scudder appeared on the big screen before back in the 80s in "8 Million Ways to Die" starring Jeff Bridges and Bridges might have worked better than Liam Neeson as the gritty New York cop. But whatever.
The movie stays mostly faithful to the book, including the 90s setting. I had been wondering about that since much of the book depended on 90s technology, including a couple of guys who hack into phone networks. The criminals also depend on pay phones to make their calls, so how would that translate to 2013 when the movie was made? The phone hackers weren't included in the movie but the payphone angle remained, which I suppose is why it was set in 1999 when payphones were still a thing.
The main plot of the movie (and book) is that a couple of crazy guys are going around abducting the wives of drug traffickers. They get ransom money but kill the women and keep the money. Scudder is drawn in by the alcoholic/druggie brother of a trafficker, but by then it's too late--at least until the next time the bad guys take someone, only in this case a Russian trafficker's daughter.
I suppose it is ironic then that the star of the movie is also the star of the "Taken" franchise, though the two are grossly different. There are no car chases and there's no Neeson taking down a roomful of Albanians. There are a couple of gunfights and some gore, but it doesn't have the frenetic pace of the "Taken" movies.
Overall I thought it was good. I wish it had done better in the theaters because I'd like to see more Lawrence Block franchises on the big screen like gentleman burglar Bernie Rhodenberr or neurotic, stamp-collecting hitman Keller. In fact I'd like a whole Lawrence Block Cinematic Universe, but that ain't gonna happen.
(3/5)
Life Itself: The irony of writing a movie review about a movie about a movie critic! This aired on CNN a couple of weeks ago, though it had also played the indie theater circuit. It's a documentary on the life of Roger Ebert, the Chicago Sun-Times critic who was half of the famous Siskel & Ebert.
The documentary alternates between Ebert's past and his present in 2013 while recovering from a broken hip. He had already lost the use of his mouth from cancer back in around 2007 and since then had been communicating mostly through the Internet, a laptop, or a notepad.
The current parts were pretty heartbreaking to watch, especially knowing that soon after he was going to die. The past was a lot more enjoyable. I didn't know much about his life before he became a critic and while it doesn't go into tons of detail, it gives you enough detail to know he wasn't some stuck-up jerk, or at least he tried hard not to be.
When it got into his relationship with Gene Siskel was probably the most interesting part of the film. Really I think there needs to be a biopic that focuses just on that because it's clear there's a lot of room for drama. The two guys worked together but really didn't like each other for a long time and really it was only after Siskel's death in 1999 that Ebert's feelings about his partner could become more fully realized.
In the end it's a great documentary on one of the last great film critics. We will never see another one like him.
(4/5)
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas: Basically the plot of this movie is Johnny Depp and Benicio del Toro as Hunter S. Thompson and his lawyer "Gonzo" go to Vegas, get wasted, tear up a hotel room, leave, repeat twice more. There was probably a point amongst all the tripping balls. (2/5)
Inspector Gadget 2: A silly sequel to a pretty crappy original movie. I watched it because Briane Pagel mentioned his son loved it and I remembered I had kind of wanted to see it at one point because I watched the TV show in the 80s. It really is a movie aimed at 7-year-olds (or younger) but at least it gets some things right that the first crummy movie didn't, such as that you're not supposed to see Dr. Claw's face. Really you're not supposed to see much more than his arm, but oh well. In this movie Gadget gets a new female partner, something I thought would have been cool for the Robocop movies, like if Lewis had been shot and she became a Robocop too and then we could all have tried to imagine cyborg sex. But obviously there's no cyborg sex (or even thoughts of it) in this.
(2.5/5)
The last couple of days I was at the Hampton in Midland, MI and I could actually hook my Roku up again, so I took advantage to catch up on some movies.
The Interview: Like many people, I didn't really care much about this. I mean I never paid to see Seth Rogen in a movie in a theater before. Or I don't think on DVD either unless I got one from Redbox at some point. But like many people after theaters turned to total pussies and didn't want to screen the movie, I wanted to stick it to North Korea by watching it.
I get why North Korea wouldn't want North Koreans seeing it. From an article I read on Yahoo! the idea that Kim Jong-Un's people believe him to be a god is true, so he wouldn't want his people seeing a movie that portrays him crying to a Katy Perry song and crapping his pants.
Beyond that, the movie is OK but not great. It's a little too long like many comedic movies these days. As you would except from a Seth Rogen-James Flacco vehicle, it features a lot of dick and shit jokes, but there is at the core the truth about the North Korean situation. (2.5/5)
The Gambler: I watched this in the theater while waiting to check in to the Hampton. It was the only movie playing at 11:45 in Midland, plus I figured no one else would be there. I was close; one other guy showed up. Anyway, this is better than I thought it would be, but while it's billed as a thriller, I think the real focus of it is more of a drama.
For me, the film's ultimate message is that some people have to dig down all the way to the bedrock before they can force themselves to start climbing out of the hole. Marky Mark Wahlberg's character is an English professor who had some falling out with his grandpa at the start of the movie and then goes into a spiral of losing money to gangsters. At the start of the movie he loses a bunch of money to a Korean gangster and then goes out to the parking lot to borrow money from a black gangster, which he also loses.
What I didn't like is the guy seemed like a total idiot. I mean every bet he makes is all-in. If you win $160,000 or so, you should probably keep at least a reserve of $10,000 or so to start over again if you lose. But as the movie unfolds you realize that he makes those bets because at the core he really wants to lose. Even when his older ex-wife (Jessica Lange) gives him the money to pay off the gangsters, what does he do? Blow it in an Indian casino. Because only then could he hit absolute rock bottom and have nowhere to go but up. Understanding that made me like the movie more than I would otherwise.
(3/5)
A Walk Among the Tombstones: I read the book for this when I was gallivanting across the country. Specifically it was the day I went from Seattle, to Cape Disappointment, then on to Portland. I was going to see the movie when in Portland, but then a tooth broke and I never got back to it. So finally I had to wait until it came out on digital download.
The book is part of Lawrence Block's Matthew Scudder series. Scudder is an ex-NYPD detective who retired after years of drinking led him to accidentally killing a little girl while trying to stop some thieves. Or at least that's the movie version; I haven't read most of the Scudder series. Since then, Scudder works as an unlicensed PI while dealing with his drinking issues at AA meetings.
Scudder appeared on the big screen before back in the 80s in "8 Million Ways to Die" starring Jeff Bridges and Bridges might have worked better than Liam Neeson as the gritty New York cop. But whatever.
The movie stays mostly faithful to the book, including the 90s setting. I had been wondering about that since much of the book depended on 90s technology, including a couple of guys who hack into phone networks. The criminals also depend on pay phones to make their calls, so how would that translate to 2013 when the movie was made? The phone hackers weren't included in the movie but the payphone angle remained, which I suppose is why it was set in 1999 when payphones were still a thing.
The main plot of the movie (and book) is that a couple of crazy guys are going around abducting the wives of drug traffickers. They get ransom money but kill the women and keep the money. Scudder is drawn in by the alcoholic/druggie brother of a trafficker, but by then it's too late--at least until the next time the bad guys take someone, only in this case a Russian trafficker's daughter.
I suppose it is ironic then that the star of the movie is also the star of the "Taken" franchise, though the two are grossly different. There are no car chases and there's no Neeson taking down a roomful of Albanians. There are a couple of gunfights and some gore, but it doesn't have the frenetic pace of the "Taken" movies.
Overall I thought it was good. I wish it had done better in the theaters because I'd like to see more Lawrence Block franchises on the big screen like gentleman burglar Bernie Rhodenberr or neurotic, stamp-collecting hitman Keller. In fact I'd like a whole Lawrence Block Cinematic Universe, but that ain't gonna happen.
(3/5)
Life Itself: The irony of writing a movie review about a movie about a movie critic! This aired on CNN a couple of weeks ago, though it had also played the indie theater circuit. It's a documentary on the life of Roger Ebert, the Chicago Sun-Times critic who was half of the famous Siskel & Ebert.
The documentary alternates between Ebert's past and his present in 2013 while recovering from a broken hip. He had already lost the use of his mouth from cancer back in around 2007 and since then had been communicating mostly through the Internet, a laptop, or a notepad.
The current parts were pretty heartbreaking to watch, especially knowing that soon after he was going to die. The past was a lot more enjoyable. I didn't know much about his life before he became a critic and while it doesn't go into tons of detail, it gives you enough detail to know he wasn't some stuck-up jerk, or at least he tried hard not to be.
When it got into his relationship with Gene Siskel was probably the most interesting part of the film. Really I think there needs to be a biopic that focuses just on that because it's clear there's a lot of room for drama. The two guys worked together but really didn't like each other for a long time and really it was only after Siskel's death in 1999 that Ebert's feelings about his partner could become more fully realized.
In the end it's a great documentary on one of the last great film critics. We will never see another one like him.
(4/5)
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas: Basically the plot of this movie is Johnny Depp and Benicio del Toro as Hunter S. Thompson and his lawyer "Gonzo" go to Vegas, get wasted, tear up a hotel room, leave, repeat twice more. There was probably a point amongst all the tripping balls. (2/5)
Inspector Gadget 2: A silly sequel to a pretty crappy original movie. I watched it because Briane Pagel mentioned his son loved it and I remembered I had kind of wanted to see it at one point because I watched the TV show in the 80s. It really is a movie aimed at 7-year-olds (or younger) but at least it gets some things right that the first crummy movie didn't, such as that you're not supposed to see Dr. Claw's face. Really you're not supposed to see much more than his arm, but oh well. In this movie Gadget gets a new female partner, something I thought would have been cool for the Robocop movies, like if Lewis had been shot and she became a Robocop too and then we could all have tried to imagine cyborg sex. But obviously there's no cyborg sex (or even thoughts of it) in this.
(2.5/5)
Friday, November 14, 2014
Movie Round-Up 11/14/14
I don't have much money right now, so I can't really go watch movies
in the theater. No "Interstellar" or "Big Hero Six" for me. I can't
use my Roku and the Internet isn't all that speedy here so I haven't
been watching Netflix either. But I did manage to catch up on a couple
of movies through Redbox.
A Million Ways to Die in the West: This was Seth MacFarlane's comedic Western that was unfortunately released the end of May when many of the big blockbusters were still playing. Thus it didn't do all that well, not nearly as well as MacFarlane's previous "Ted." Or maybe it was that people just don't want to see Seth MacFarlane unless he's voicing a loudmouthed fat Rhode Island guy or Boston teddy bear.
And watching this movie I'd have to say he's pretty much on par with Justin Timberlake or 50 Cent or Mos Def or one of those other musicians turned actors. I mean it's not as bad as like Paris Hilton or Tara Reid, but when you're co-starring with Charlize Theron and Liam Neeson it's hard not to look outclassed.
Anyway, there are a lot of the crude jokes you'd expect about shit and farts and fucking; I mean it's written by the creator and two main writers of "Family Guy." There were some decent laughs about mustaches and such too. Overall, though, the story is pretty predictable. I mean you know who he's going to end up with and you know the bad guy has to die. I wouldn't put it on the same level as "Blazing Saddles" but it's not bad either. (3/5)
Edge of Tomorrow: or Live, Die, Repeat as they've renamed the DVD release, though in the credits it still uses the original title. I suppose the latter title is a little more memorable. It does seem unusual to rename your movie after it has already been released. They probably should have listened to the focus groups.
The premise is like "Groundhog Day" combined with the HALO video game series or one of those sci-fi shooter games I've never played.. Aliens called "Mimics" (for some reason) have invaded Earth and taken over most of Europe. Humanity mounts a D-Day type invasion, except as Ackbar would say, "It's a Trap!" Tom Cruise is a former ad exec who gets busted down to private and becomes part of the front wave. But when he kills one of the aliens, he gains the alien power to reset the day. Except it only happens when he dies, so he has to die numerous times trying to fix things.
There's kind of video game logic to the plot as there's the easy tutorial levels where Tom Cruise trains with a female soldier (Emily Blunt) who has gone through what he has only in another battle. Then there's the tougher levels to get off the beach. Finally you have the big Boss level fight. Though unlike "The Matrix Reloaded" for instance it doesn't actually feel like a video game.
Overall I really liked it. There was a lot of sci-fi action and I'm a sucker for robot suits. There was some humor, especially early on when he's first trying to figure out what's going on and when he's training. The romance was a little lacking, but not nonexistent. Although the Happily Ever After twist didn't necessarily make a lot of sense. On a side note, Bill Paxton looked in better shape for this than in "Agents of SHIELD" last season when he seemed kind of chubby. I'm just saying. (3.5/5)
BTW, there was a preview for "Into the Storm" before the movie. They showed a storm chasing car and I was like, "Hey I saw something like that!" It was driving in Tucson on my way here to Scottsdale:
I was wondering what the hell that was. I thought maybe it was someone preparing for the zombie apocalypse.
BTW, through Sunday you can get two books for FREE.
One is the Tales of the Scarlet Knight comic I've offered free numerous times before. I just like to keep getting that out there. Really I should have printed that out and given it away to comic book stores along my journey. Not that it'd do any good. Anyway, it's only like 12 pages long so if you have a tablet or whatever you can read it. It'd be nice if someone other than Tony Laplume ever gave it a review--preferably a good one.
Also free is one of my many Eric Filler erotica books: Transformed Into a Bimbo (Transformed #9) Classy title, wouldn't you say? Like all of these books there are two stories. The first story is about a scientist who is making an anti-aging drug called FY-1978, which has the trade name Yunagin. When someone breaks into the lab he gets doused with it and wakes up as a hermaphrodite and then finds himself getting girlier and girlier, until as you might guess, he starts to become a bimbo.
The second story is a pared-down version of Chance of a Lifetime. A private eye gets tipped to a robbery at the Yunagin Clinic and like the scientist in the first story ends up being doused with the drug. He's left for dead by some bad guys and wakes up as a really hot blond chick, basically the chick on the cover. She, with the help of a paramedic who finds her and then befriends her, goes to take revenge on the bad guys. It'd be nice to get some (good) reviews of that too, though it's longer than 12 pages.
Both stories in the Transformed Into a Bimbo (Transformed #9) are related and the drug is the same one in Chance of a Lifetime, so there you go. It already made it to #2 on the Amazon Transgender Erotica category (free), though it couldn't unseat Gender Swap at the Strip Club for #1 in the US and UK.
Download both books free today or pay $1.99/$2.99 after Sunday.
A Million Ways to Die in the West: This was Seth MacFarlane's comedic Western that was unfortunately released the end of May when many of the big blockbusters were still playing. Thus it didn't do all that well, not nearly as well as MacFarlane's previous "Ted." Or maybe it was that people just don't want to see Seth MacFarlane unless he's voicing a loudmouthed fat Rhode Island guy or Boston teddy bear.
And watching this movie I'd have to say he's pretty much on par with Justin Timberlake or 50 Cent or Mos Def or one of those other musicians turned actors. I mean it's not as bad as like Paris Hilton or Tara Reid, but when you're co-starring with Charlize Theron and Liam Neeson it's hard not to look outclassed.
Anyway, there are a lot of the crude jokes you'd expect about shit and farts and fucking; I mean it's written by the creator and two main writers of "Family Guy." There were some decent laughs about mustaches and such too. Overall, though, the story is pretty predictable. I mean you know who he's going to end up with and you know the bad guy has to die. I wouldn't put it on the same level as "Blazing Saddles" but it's not bad either. (3/5)
Edge of Tomorrow: or Live, Die, Repeat as they've renamed the DVD release, though in the credits it still uses the original title. I suppose the latter title is a little more memorable. It does seem unusual to rename your movie after it has already been released. They probably should have listened to the focus groups.
The premise is like "Groundhog Day" combined with the HALO video game series or one of those sci-fi shooter games I've never played.. Aliens called "Mimics" (for some reason) have invaded Earth and taken over most of Europe. Humanity mounts a D-Day type invasion, except as Ackbar would say, "It's a Trap!" Tom Cruise is a former ad exec who gets busted down to private and becomes part of the front wave. But when he kills one of the aliens, he gains the alien power to reset the day. Except it only happens when he dies, so he has to die numerous times trying to fix things.
There's kind of video game logic to the plot as there's the easy tutorial levels where Tom Cruise trains with a female soldier (Emily Blunt) who has gone through what he has only in another battle. Then there's the tougher levels to get off the beach. Finally you have the big Boss level fight. Though unlike "The Matrix Reloaded" for instance it doesn't actually feel like a video game.
Overall I really liked it. There was a lot of sci-fi action and I'm a sucker for robot suits. There was some humor, especially early on when he's first trying to figure out what's going on and when he's training. The romance was a little lacking, but not nonexistent. Although the Happily Ever After twist didn't necessarily make a lot of sense. On a side note, Bill Paxton looked in better shape for this than in "Agents of SHIELD" last season when he seemed kind of chubby. I'm just saying. (3.5/5)
BTW, there was a preview for "Into the Storm" before the movie. They showed a storm chasing car and I was like, "Hey I saw something like that!" It was driving in Tucson on my way here to Scottsdale:
 |
| On the right you can kinda see the front |
BTW, through Sunday you can get two books for FREE.
One is the Tales of the Scarlet Knight comic I've offered free numerous times before. I just like to keep getting that out there. Really I should have printed that out and given it away to comic book stores along my journey. Not that it'd do any good. Anyway, it's only like 12 pages long so if you have a tablet or whatever you can read it. It'd be nice if someone other than Tony Laplume ever gave it a review--preferably a good one.
Also free is one of my many Eric Filler erotica books: Transformed Into a Bimbo (Transformed #9) Classy title, wouldn't you say? Like all of these books there are two stories. The first story is about a scientist who is making an anti-aging drug called FY-1978, which has the trade name Yunagin. When someone breaks into the lab he gets doused with it and wakes up as a hermaphrodite and then finds himself getting girlier and girlier, until as you might guess, he starts to become a bimbo.
The second story is a pared-down version of Chance of a Lifetime. A private eye gets tipped to a robbery at the Yunagin Clinic and like the scientist in the first story ends up being doused with the drug. He's left for dead by some bad guys and wakes up as a really hot blond chick, basically the chick on the cover. She, with the help of a paramedic who finds her and then befriends her, goes to take revenge on the bad guys. It'd be nice to get some (good) reviews of that too, though it's longer than 12 pages.
Both stories in the Transformed Into a Bimbo (Transformed #9) are related and the drug is the same one in Chance of a Lifetime, so there you go. It already made it to #2 on the Amazon Transgender Erotica category (free), though it couldn't unseat Gender Swap at the Strip Club for #1 in the US and UK.
Download both books free today or pay $1.99/$2.99 after Sunday.
Friday, July 18, 2014
Movie Round-Up 7/18/14
And here's what I watched in the last week:
Snowpiercer: Michael Offutt reviewed this and then I saw a Comcast commercial saying you could get it On Demand while it's still in theaters, so why not pay $1-$2 more than a matinee to be able to watch it in your home without annoying other people or obscene movie theater snack prices? Anyway, as I Tweeted to Mr. Offutt, it's very strange, but mostly in a good way. Like "Elysium" last year, this is a fairly obvious attempt at depicting class struggle. Basically the Earth has frozen thanks to a chemical that stopped global warming a little too well and the only people left are on this big train called the Rattling Ark, which was intended by its John Galt-ish designer as a luxury train that would circle the world indefinitely. So that's what it's been doing for almost 18 years now. Curtis Everett (Chris Evans, ie Captain America) is one of the steerage passengers in the back of the train, eking out an existence eating protein Jell-O made from something really gross. But Curtis has a plan for revolution--and this time it'll work! So much of the movie is them trying to move from car-to-car, battling the evil goons, including this chunky balding guy who had a Michael Myers-ish quality of hardly saying anything and not dying. The leader of the goons is a woman played by Tilda Swinton, who seems under the impression she's still in a Wes Anderson movie, which I found a little too hammy. Along the way there are some surreal moments as they go through the upscale cars of the first class passengers. There's a car with sea life inside and one with gardens and one with saunas. The most surreal part is when they enter the schoolhouse car, where a teacher is indoctrinating young children on how awesome the train is. I could share Curtis's look of WTF is this shit!? Eventually you start to realize this is a lot like the second Matrix movie, only the video game-ish organization (find this guy, get this thing, go here, etc) seems far less artificial given the environment. Overall it's a sometimes wacky and sometimes poignant concoction that is kind of that old school apocalyptic sci-fi like Planet of the Apes (the original) or Logan's Run, etc. It's the kind of movie I'd probably like to watch again just to see if I get more out of it a second time. (4/5)
Grand Budapest Hotel: I'd been wanting to see this for a while, but never got around to seeing it in theaters. Anyway, it's probably Wes Anderson's best movie in years. Not that I didn't like his last couple, but they were more YA-flavored, whereas this is a movie for grown-ups. It starts off with essentially 3 framing elements: a girl going to the grave of an author who wrote a book about the hotel; that author doing a TV interview in 1985; and then when he visits the hotel in 1968 and meets the owner. Then we get to the actual story in 1932 where the concierge of the hotel M. Gustave (Ralph Fiennes) is breaking in a new lobby boy named Zero. And then one of his elderly lovers (Tilda Swinton, who this time is actually in a Wes Anderson movie) dies and he goes to her funeral. There he finds out he's to inherit a valuable painting and when her son Dimitri (Adrien Brody) disputes this, Gustave steals the painting. Mayhem ensues! I'm sure for a lot of people they either really like Anderson's movies or they really hate them. Obviously I've been in the former for a few years since I started watching them. What's always great is that while on the surface they can seem silly or goofy or perhaps too precious from the brightly colored sets, the deliberately unspecial effects, the way none of the actors try to conceal their various accents so you have Americans, Brits, Irish, etc. all inhabiting what's supposed to be an Eastern European country, this is only a surface coating over serious issues. In this case it's the start of WWII and the oppression that followed as well as really Gustave is kind of a pathetic figure, even if on the surface he seems so grand as the practically omniscient concierge; we see that he lives in a tiny room and hooks up only with old ladies to get their money. So while it's a charming movie, it's also got a brain. (5/5)
Free Ride: The title sounds like a road trip movie and while there's a road trip involved it's not that kind of movie. In 1977 an abused wife (Anna Paquin) goes to Florida thinking a friend got her a job cleaning houses. Except the job is really as a drug smuggler. Breaking bad ensues. It's a little uneven in that she claims to love her daughters so much and freaks out when the younger one gets attacked by ants, but she lets them live on a farm being used for storing pot and parties with some druggy friends while her kids are sleeping, so it's a little hard to feel sympathetic for her plight. (2.5/5)
Flyboys: It took me four tries to actually get through this thanks to my crappy Internet connection. Anyway, it was OK. Basically in 1917-ish a group of Americans join a French unit of fighter pilots. You had to pretty much be nuts back then since planes were pretty much balsa wood and canvas, you didn't have an ejector seat or even a parachute, and there weren't any goodies like radar. If your plane caught on fire your best option was to shoot yourself in the head because it was that, dive out of it to plummet to your death, or burn up. The movie was pretty predictable. I mean you know what's going to happen to the evil Black Falcon guy so that wasn't a surprise. It's a little depressing when at the end it gets to the text of what happened to people afterwards. The one black guy in the unit joined the US forces when they entered the war but of course they wouldn't let a black guy fly even if he'd already been doing that and had several kills to his credit. And the James Franco character apparently never flew again after the war. Yeah, I can see why. (2.5/5)
Legion: I put this in my queue after Michael Offutt mentioned the Syfy show based on this and I remember this existed. It was sort of like the Terminator/Terminator 2 only with angels and no time travel. Paul Bettany is the good Terminator/Kyle Reese who has to find Sarah Connor carrying the leader of the future. Unfortunately she's in a crappy little diner at the edge of the Mojave desert, where the occupants barricade themselves to fend off the invasion. It was OK, but apparently there's no way to kill an angel except for another angel, which led to like 3 different characters heroically sacrificing themselves for no reason. (2/5)
JLA: Adventures in Time: This was apparently not one of those intended for grown-ups. It was basically a retread of an old Superfriends episode where the Legion of Doom goes back in time to prevent Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman existing. Only in this Lex Luthor thanks to "the Time Trapper" (nice name...not) has his minions stop Superman from existing. No thought is given to what happens to anyone else. Pretty sad when Superfriends does it better in like 1978. There was a neat Easter egg where they show Wendy, Marvin, and their dog from the first two seasons of Superfriends walking down the street. (1.5/5)
A Good Old-Fashioned Orgy: During the opening credits I realized that I would not want to see any of these people in an orgy setting. I mean seriously I never want to see Jason Sudekis, Nick Kroll, and Tyler Labine naked. Ever. So it's good it was boring and I fell asleep like 1/3 of the way through. From what I gathered, those immature 30-somethings were bummed their Hamptons hangout was about to be sold and they'd have nowhere to go. Boo hoo. (Inc.)
8MM 2: Was there anyone in the known universe who thought, "We really need a sequel to 8MM!" But if they had waited they could have gotten Nic Cage back to star in it. Anyway, there was a decent manage au trois at the beginning. Though it was not interesting enough to keep me awake long after. (Inc.)
Snowpiercer: Michael Offutt reviewed this and then I saw a Comcast commercial saying you could get it On Demand while it's still in theaters, so why not pay $1-$2 more than a matinee to be able to watch it in your home without annoying other people or obscene movie theater snack prices? Anyway, as I Tweeted to Mr. Offutt, it's very strange, but mostly in a good way. Like "Elysium" last year, this is a fairly obvious attempt at depicting class struggle. Basically the Earth has frozen thanks to a chemical that stopped global warming a little too well and the only people left are on this big train called the Rattling Ark, which was intended by its John Galt-ish designer as a luxury train that would circle the world indefinitely. So that's what it's been doing for almost 18 years now. Curtis Everett (Chris Evans, ie Captain America) is one of the steerage passengers in the back of the train, eking out an existence eating protein Jell-O made from something really gross. But Curtis has a plan for revolution--and this time it'll work! So much of the movie is them trying to move from car-to-car, battling the evil goons, including this chunky balding guy who had a Michael Myers-ish quality of hardly saying anything and not dying. The leader of the goons is a woman played by Tilda Swinton, who seems under the impression she's still in a Wes Anderson movie, which I found a little too hammy. Along the way there are some surreal moments as they go through the upscale cars of the first class passengers. There's a car with sea life inside and one with gardens and one with saunas. The most surreal part is when they enter the schoolhouse car, where a teacher is indoctrinating young children on how awesome the train is. I could share Curtis's look of WTF is this shit!? Eventually you start to realize this is a lot like the second Matrix movie, only the video game-ish organization (find this guy, get this thing, go here, etc) seems far less artificial given the environment. Overall it's a sometimes wacky and sometimes poignant concoction that is kind of that old school apocalyptic sci-fi like Planet of the Apes (the original) or Logan's Run, etc. It's the kind of movie I'd probably like to watch again just to see if I get more out of it a second time. (4/5)
Grand Budapest Hotel: I'd been wanting to see this for a while, but never got around to seeing it in theaters. Anyway, it's probably Wes Anderson's best movie in years. Not that I didn't like his last couple, but they were more YA-flavored, whereas this is a movie for grown-ups. It starts off with essentially 3 framing elements: a girl going to the grave of an author who wrote a book about the hotel; that author doing a TV interview in 1985; and then when he visits the hotel in 1968 and meets the owner. Then we get to the actual story in 1932 where the concierge of the hotel M. Gustave (Ralph Fiennes) is breaking in a new lobby boy named Zero. And then one of his elderly lovers (Tilda Swinton, who this time is actually in a Wes Anderson movie) dies and he goes to her funeral. There he finds out he's to inherit a valuable painting and when her son Dimitri (Adrien Brody) disputes this, Gustave steals the painting. Mayhem ensues! I'm sure for a lot of people they either really like Anderson's movies or they really hate them. Obviously I've been in the former for a few years since I started watching them. What's always great is that while on the surface they can seem silly or goofy or perhaps too precious from the brightly colored sets, the deliberately unspecial effects, the way none of the actors try to conceal their various accents so you have Americans, Brits, Irish, etc. all inhabiting what's supposed to be an Eastern European country, this is only a surface coating over serious issues. In this case it's the start of WWII and the oppression that followed as well as really Gustave is kind of a pathetic figure, even if on the surface he seems so grand as the practically omniscient concierge; we see that he lives in a tiny room and hooks up only with old ladies to get their money. So while it's a charming movie, it's also got a brain. (5/5)
Free Ride: The title sounds like a road trip movie and while there's a road trip involved it's not that kind of movie. In 1977 an abused wife (Anna Paquin) goes to Florida thinking a friend got her a job cleaning houses. Except the job is really as a drug smuggler. Breaking bad ensues. It's a little uneven in that she claims to love her daughters so much and freaks out when the younger one gets attacked by ants, but she lets them live on a farm being used for storing pot and parties with some druggy friends while her kids are sleeping, so it's a little hard to feel sympathetic for her plight. (2.5/5)
Flyboys: It took me four tries to actually get through this thanks to my crappy Internet connection. Anyway, it was OK. Basically in 1917-ish a group of Americans join a French unit of fighter pilots. You had to pretty much be nuts back then since planes were pretty much balsa wood and canvas, you didn't have an ejector seat or even a parachute, and there weren't any goodies like radar. If your plane caught on fire your best option was to shoot yourself in the head because it was that, dive out of it to plummet to your death, or burn up. The movie was pretty predictable. I mean you know what's going to happen to the evil Black Falcon guy so that wasn't a surprise. It's a little depressing when at the end it gets to the text of what happened to people afterwards. The one black guy in the unit joined the US forces when they entered the war but of course they wouldn't let a black guy fly even if he'd already been doing that and had several kills to his credit. And the James Franco character apparently never flew again after the war. Yeah, I can see why. (2.5/5)
Legion: I put this in my queue after Michael Offutt mentioned the Syfy show based on this and I remember this existed. It was sort of like the Terminator/Terminator 2 only with angels and no time travel. Paul Bettany is the good Terminator/Kyle Reese who has to find Sarah Connor carrying the leader of the future. Unfortunately she's in a crappy little diner at the edge of the Mojave desert, where the occupants barricade themselves to fend off the invasion. It was OK, but apparently there's no way to kill an angel except for another angel, which led to like 3 different characters heroically sacrificing themselves for no reason. (2/5)
JLA: Adventures in Time: This was apparently not one of those intended for grown-ups. It was basically a retread of an old Superfriends episode where the Legion of Doom goes back in time to prevent Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman existing. Only in this Lex Luthor thanks to "the Time Trapper" (nice name...not) has his minions stop Superman from existing. No thought is given to what happens to anyone else. Pretty sad when Superfriends does it better in like 1978. There was a neat Easter egg where they show Wendy, Marvin, and their dog from the first two seasons of Superfriends walking down the street. (1.5/5)
A Good Old-Fashioned Orgy: During the opening credits I realized that I would not want to see any of these people in an orgy setting. I mean seriously I never want to see Jason Sudekis, Nick Kroll, and Tyler Labine naked. Ever. So it's good it was boring and I fell asleep like 1/3 of the way through. From what I gathered, those immature 30-somethings were bummed their Hamptons hangout was about to be sold and they'd have nowhere to go. Boo hoo. (Inc.)
8MM 2: Was there anyone in the known universe who thought, "We really need a sequel to 8MM!" But if they had waited they could have gotten Nic Cage back to star in it. Anyway, there was a decent manage au trois at the beginning. Though it was not interesting enough to keep me awake long after. (Inc.)
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