Friday, September 13, 2013

Box Office Blitz Week 10

It's that time of year where our thoughts turn from blockbuster movies to the smaller screen of TV.  Monday I Tweeted there should be an award called the "Whitney" for the new show you're dreading the most based on the previews.  This stems from when I had to endure a preview of NBC's "Whitney" in a movie theater before whatever movie it was; all that preview did was convince that under no circumstances would I ever watch that show, unless they forced me Clockwork Orange style.  Except for watching sports I rarely watch network TV, so I'm not sure what new terrible shows are on the way.  Though just the idea of one starring Robin Williams gives me a cold shiver.  That "Dads" show looks pretty terrible too.  My rule of thumb is any comedy that needs a laugh track these days sucks ass.  Feel free to disagree with that assessment.  So what show are you least looking forward to seeing?

On the flip side the only show I'm even slightly interested in seeing is the SHIELD one.  At least the first episode so I can see Agent Coulson rise from the grave.  Oh, right, he wasn't really dead--he just got shot in the chest at pointblank range by a magic staff.  Apparently we're using the Last Action Hero rule that any wound to a good guy in a fictional universe is just a flesh wound no matter how terrible it would be in real life.  After the first episode I'll probably forget it's on and then wait until it's on Netflix.  (Seriously, I set an alarm for 9pm on Sundays so I don't forget Breaking Bad is on; that's how terrible I am remembering stuff like that.)

Anyway, since it's Friday the 13th there's the obligatory horror movie this week.  And not a lot else.  So probably a lot of people staying home to watch TV.  See what I did there?

Here's the list from my local megaplex (* denotes a new release):
  • 2 Guns  
  • Austenland*
  • Blue Jasmine
  • Closed Circuit
  • Despicable Me 2
  • Elysium 
  • Grown Ups 2
  • Insidious 2* 
  • Instructions Not Included 
  • Jobs
  • Kick-Ass 2
  • Lee Daniels' The Butler
  • Mortal Instruments:  City of Bones 
  • One Direction: This is Us
  • Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
  • Planes
  • Red 2
  • Riddick
  • The Conjuring
  • The Family*
  • The Grandmaster
  • The Heat
  • The Smurfs 2
  • The Spectacular Now 
  • The Ultimate Life
  • The Wolverine
  • The World's End
  • We're the Millers
  • Winnie Mandela
  • You're Next
I suppose I'll have to go with the horror movie sequel.  I mean it is Friday the 13th and all.
  1. Insidious 2 $20M
  2. The Family $9M
  3. Riddick $8M

Now make your picks in the comments!


  1. 1. Insidious 2 $24M
    2. Riddick $10M
    3. The Family $9M

    I guess that Agent Coulson lives in a Last Action Hero universe.

    Not looking forward to Witches of East End. It is on Lifetime, so my wife will make me watch it.

  2. Sometimes I watch these movies' previews, and think "Who is that movie intended for?" Then I see something like the commercial for "The Family," and I think "What is that movie even about?" Seriously: it's a Martin Scorcese movie, right, about the mob, right? But it's meant to be funny? Or is it? Because all the clips look like they're actually serious mobster clips but then there's that "Gorillaz" song and they're cut together like a comedy.

    It looks like a complete train wreck of a movie, in other words, and it made me not want to watch OTHER movies starring those people. Plus, honestly, putting Robert De Niro into a movie these days is a huge turnoff for me. Robert De Niro AND Tommy Lee Jones? That movie will be as exciting as a script read-through, given that neither of them bothers trying to do any acting any more. And everyone else in that film, according to IMDB, is simply a "HEY IT'S THAT GUY" from another mobster movie.

    It looks like someone made a "Coloforms" version of The Godfather. Oh man I have to tweet that! BRB OMG

  3. OK. So I also like the cheesiness of promoting a horror movie IN PART by noting that it is COMING OUT ON FRIDAY THE 13TH SO EXTRA SCARY! (I swear I had no idea about that with "Temporary Anne", as this release date was picked based on my having been scheduled for a trial this week.)

    OTHER SCARY DAYS TO RELEASE MOVIES? Halloween, of course. But what about these great Box Office Scarefests to be:

    "THE TAXMAN": he'll take 38.5% of YOUR SOUL, coming to theaters on April 15.

    Haven't visited their graves lately? Don't worry -- they'll come visit you! The Dead will rise on "MEMORIAL DAY," and you won't be able to forget them!

    All she wanted was to cash a check, but on COLUMBUS DAY, the banks are closed, but HELL IS OPEN!


    1. Insidious 2: $12 million.
    2. The Butler: $11 Million.
    3. The Family: $10 million.

    I don't even know what TV shows are starting, but I've seen tons of previews for "Dads" which makes it obvious they've found a place to recycle those jokes that couldn't even make the cut for "Two And A Half Men." Not that I blame Seth Green; "Robot Chicken" can't make very much money, can it?

  4. 1 Insidious 2 - $31 million
    2 Riddick - $10 million
    3 The Family - $8 million

  5. Some of the best comedies now are single camera, but Seinfeld and Carol Burnett prove that the format works.
    1. Insidious Chapter 2 - $32 mil
    2. The Family - $11 mil
    3. Riddick - $7 mil

  6. I thought SHIELD was set prior to Avengers? Great, now I have to remember to look that up. Maybe it's a LMD.

    1. Insidious 2: $30m
    2. The Family: $10m
    3. Riddick: $8m

  7. The Conjuring sounds interesting. I might see that one.

  8. Insidious 2 - $35 mil
    The Family - $12 mil
    Riddick - $8 mil

  9. Insidious 2 - 25 mil
    Family - 10 mil
    Butler - 8 mil

  10. Fall TV wise, the only show I'm interested in seeing is S.H.I.E.L.D., the rest are probably just junk. Anything on fox or wb/cw/whatever is likely toast lol



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