Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Stuff I Watched 11/23/16

Happy Thanksgiving!  And Black Friday, though they're pretty much the same thing now, eh?  Incidentally I have 3 books for Thanksgiving and one now for Black Friday.  Shameless plugs:

For nearly twenty years, Shiloh always gets stuck doing all the cooking, cleaning, and decorating for Thanksgiving while her husband Mac sits around watching football and drinking beer. Then she makes a wish on the turkey wishbone for a more sensitive spouse. The next thing she knows, she's sharing a New York apartment with a sweet young vegan named Mac. Now Shiloh is the one wearing the pants, but will her new power go to her head?

Lydia has gotten tired of her husband's poor manners, especially at Thanksgiving. This year things are going to be different. Using a magic potion, she changes her husband into a woman. Every time he swears, farts, burps, or does something else naughty, he gets cuter and younger. If he can make it to midnight, he might just become a man again.
A lot of guys say their mother-in-law is a witch, but Daryl's mother-in-law actually is one. When she pops in on Thanksgiving morning and Daryl tries to assert his authority as man of the house, she changes him into a four-year-old girl. Now instead of carving the turkey, he's sitting at the kiddie table with his daughter and nasty nephews. But that's only the beginning of his trouble.
Parker and his girlfriend Katarina go to the Treetop Mall to cash in on Black Friday deals.  When they get pulled out of line for a special shopping spree, they have no idea what's in store for them.  Parker is turned into a young woman who has to spend $10,000 in less than an hour if he ever wants his manhood back.  Meanwhile, Katarina finds herself getting younger and younger unless she too spends $10,000 in less than an hour.  Another couple who try to get into the mall early are put to work in the food court as teenage girls.  Will any of them survive the mayhem of Black Friday?

They're all $2.99 or FREE with Kindle Unlimited/Amazon Prime

Enough with the shameless plugs, time for movie reviews!

Independence Day: Resurgence:  It's not as embarrassing as Godfather III, but like Dumb & Dumber To it's like, "It's OK, but did we really need this after 20 years?"  No, not really.  The plot is easy to summarize:  the aliens are back 20 years later to kill us all by snuffing out our core.  Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman, and Will Smith Liam Hemsworth have to take them out.  The idea of killing the queen isn't all that original, but whatever.  Stuff blows up, though fewer landmarks this time because I suppose they blew up most of them last time.  In a way this seems like the closest to a Robotech movie we're going to get as they use that premise of humans using alien technology to upgrade their arsenal, though sadly not into transforming space fighters.  It's not nearly as epic as 1996 and what feels like a long runtime and some lame green screen effects make it not essential viewing. (2.5/5) (Fun Fact:  Did you know Brent Spiner's scientist character not only survived the first movie but that he was gay?  Yeah, so there.  Bonus Fact:  Prior to this Vivica A Fox and Judd Hirsch both appeared in Sharknado 2:  The Second One.)

By the Sea:  This movie is a cure for insomnia.  In the 60s--or something--Brad Pitt and Anjelina Jolie Pitt (ha ha ha) go to an island in the south of France for...reasons.  Brad Pitt spends most of his time getting drunk in the bar and Anjelina Jolie Pitt seems to be trying to channel Liz Taylor and spends most of her time staring through a peep hole at the young couple in the next room.  I twice tried to watch this and fell asleep both times.  It's just so pretentious and dull.  No wonder it destroyed their marriage. (1/5)

American Loser:  Seann William Scott is a former alcoholic trying to reform his life.  He has learning disabilities and phobias that also make things difficult.  In the end he becomes a comedian though it's kind of depressing that his book hadn't been published yet and the girl he hooked up with was not still with him; those items were relayed in text at the end of the movie.  It was OK but not essential viewing either. (2.5/5)

Torque:  This is pretty much what you'd expect from the trailers:  lots of motorcycles driving and jumping and stuff with very little in the way of plot.  This came out about 10 years or five Fast & Furious movies ago.  The idea is that it's supposed to be like Fast & Furious with motorcycles.  The good guys have Ninja-type motorcycles and the bad guys Harleys.  It's all extremely dumb with lame special effects and mostly no-name actors. (2/5)

2001:  A Space Travesty:  The title pretty much sums it up:  it's the year 2001, it's in space, and it's a travesty.  I guess the idea was Naked Gun in space since it stars Leslie Nielsen but it's extremely lame.  The gags are terrible and the effects are worse.  It makes The Adventures of Pluto Nash look like the real 2001. (1/5)

1 comment:

  1. the title of the third one.

    I was disappointed when I heard there was a sequel to Independence Day because I knew they just hoped people would rush to see it and not even really try to make it a good movie.



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