A to Z Challenge Day 18: Road Warriors: Roadblock vs Road Pig

GI JOE was a diverse force right from the beginning of the Real American Hero line, and as part of that they had three black characters early on:  Stalker in the first set, Doc in the second, and Roadblock in the third.  Roadblock was a heavy machine gunner who got to carry around a big gun.  Kind of wonder if his design was based on Lou Gossett Jr, because that's who he kind of looks like with the bald head and mustache and An Officer and a Gentleman came out about the time and his character was a drill instructor, so it'd kind of make sense.

Anyway, he was in the cartoon series quite a bit.  Sometimes they had him talk normally and other times he'd talk in rhyme.  I'm not sure what the deal was with that.  Besides being a machine gunner, he also liked to cook.  In one cartoon episode his aunt and uncle open a restaurant that's part of a franchise that's a COBRA front and while on vacation Roadblock visits and does some cooking there.

Roadblock was reissued in the 1986 series with a different outfit.  Maybe he was getting cold in just the tank top and pants so they gave him a shirt and vest.

In the animated movie Roadblock is blinded by Cobra-La but manages to escape using Cobra Commander (turned into a snake by then) as his eyes.  He shows up in the second season of the DIC series, voiced by Blu Mankuma, who voiced Tigatron on Beast Wars.  The original version of it was recalled because it came with a disc launcher that was feared to be too powerful.  A second version was issued.

In the live action GI JOE:  Retaliation, he was played by The Rock.  Though I think he looks more like Terry Crews.

Obviously he was in the comics a lot too. He was one of the more popular characters.

And then you have Road Pig who was one of the lamer, more useless characters.  He's basically a big fat punk whose weapon of choice is a cinderblock on a stick.  Seriously.

He was the third series of "Dreadnoks" who were henchmen of the evil Zartan.  He was too late for the Sunbow show and didn't get in the movie, but he got into the comics a few times.  I have no idea what would have inspired anyone to make such an idiotic toy.  Who wanted to waste even $3.17 back in the day on a guy with a cinderblock?

Reading that file card, I'm sure it was some Hasbro guy's idea of a joke to make his birthplace "Goblu, Michigan."  As in Go Blue, the war cry for the University of Michigan.  They probably figured no one would ever read that.  I mean it's Road Pig.   I hope that wasn't anyone's actual Social Security Number.

Sadly Road Pig was reissued in 1991 as part of the lame "Sonic Fighters" line.  He even got into the DIC series a few times in the second season.  In one episode he has his own zoo of wild animals like wild boards, panthers, and alligators to torture until the Joes show up.  At least he had better weapons than a cinderblock on a stick this time.

A to Z Challenge Day 17: Quick Kick

There are no Qs for COBRA so it's just Quick Kick by his lonesome.

Though Snake Eyes became a ninja later, Quick Kick was really the first GI JOE ninja figure.  He has the backstory of being a Hollywood stuntman who decided to become a member of GI JOE.  So maybe he wasn't officially a ninja, but he had throwing stars and did martial arts stuff, so whatever.

He was introduced in the first full season of the Sunbow series.  Despite that he wasn't wearing a shirt and barefoot, a couple of Joes find him in the arctic because he was shooting a movie there or something.  Makes sense!  He appeared in some episodes, including a spotlight one where he and a girl who wanted to be part of GI JOE fell in love--until she was thought to be a spy and then he had to hunt her down.  After that season he kind of dropped out and got replaced by other ninja guys like Storm Shadow and Nunchuck and whatnot.

How's that smell?!

I'm sure he appeared in some of the comics too a few times.  But after that he didn't really do much.

A to Z Challenge Day 16: Psyche-Out vs Python Patrol

With Mainframe I said during each series of figures there was always at least one character with a pretty useless function.  In the 1987 series the award goes to Psyche-Out!  Whose job was deceptive warfare.  Nowadays he'd just sit on a computer posting fake news to Facebook, but in 1987 I guess you had to dress up like Lobot and run around with miniature radar dishes.

He didn't get into the animated movie or Sunbow show.  Maybe he got into the comic book a few times.  I don't know.  He was part of the Night Force recoloring a couple of years later.

Second edition, now with bigger radar dishes!

A reissue of him did get into the second season of the DIC show.  Somehow he managed to look almost as lame and be almost as useless.  Instead of Lobot, he looks more like a Borg.  Why doesn't the real army have anyone this awesome?

Python Patrol was a COBRA unit that was just an excuse to recolor figures and vehicles.  They did the same thing with Tiger Force, Night Force, and others.  The figures were recolored yellow, gray, and green while the vehicles were recolored dark red with black criss-crossed lines.

They were in a DIC miniseries to fight Slaughter's Marauders, another recolored line of figures.  COBRA Commander uses a gizmo to give COBRA and captured Joe vehicles the powers of a python!  Um, sure.  Makes sense.  They also got into the comic book at least once.  None of these recolored teams really stuck around long.  The coolest vehicle was the recolor of the GI JOE X-30, which itself was based on the sweet X-29 prototype.

A to Z Challenge Day 15: Outback vs Overlord

As a guy with a Grizzly Adams beard and ironic T-shirt, Outback was actually about 30 years ahead of his time.  He had the odd function of "Survivalist," because I guess GI JOE needed a Doomsday Prepper.  Or I guess a guy to teach them to eat bugs and drink their own urine.  Fun stuff!

As part of the 1987 line, Outback didn't really get any TV time.  I don't think he really got in the animated movie either, so he got screwed there.

He was in a few issues of the comics.  There were a couple of issues where him, Stalker, and another guy were captured by COBRA and Outback's survival skills came in handy.  Kind of funny that his code name is Outback and he's not even Australian!

COBRA Commander was obviously the first commander of COBRA, but a few years later along came Serpentor, who was made from the DNA of history's greatest (and most evil) leaders.  This was a less successful attempt to create another new leader for COBRA.  Like the Penguin on Batman or Dr. Mindbender, he sports a monocle.  Monocles, the most evil eyewear ever invented!  Besides the monocle he had an attachable thing like a Freddy Krueger or Wolverine claw.

I don't think he ever got on the TV show.  Too bad because they could have given him a posh British accent and maybe he could have gotten a cat to stroke while sitting in a leather armchair.

He came with his own little vehicle called the Dictator.  It separated into a couple of vehicles too.  I think we had that one back in the day.  Despite that he was supposed to be a COBRA commander, he never really had the popularity to replace COBRA Commander or Destro.  Just a flash in the pan.

A to Z Challenge Day 14: Ninjas! Nunchuk vs Night Creeper

In the late 80s and early 90s, Hasbro was trying to keep the GI JOE line relevant with things like the Drug Enforcement Force and Eco Warriors.  And since ninjas were a big thing around then, they went all-in on the ninja thing.  So we have two ninjas.

I'm not sure who Nunchuk is.  I think he came along after the TV shows and after I stopped reading the comics and I don't think he really got remade after his initial release.  So not a huge impact.

His name is Ralph and he's from Brooklyn, so I'd bet they based his file card on Karate Kid.  That actually would be a great movie:  Karate Kid joins GI JOE!

Night Creeper is a weird name.  Sounds like he should be a serial killer who sneaks into houses at night to kill people.  But he's the COBRA generic ninja.  Their leader is, wait for it...Night Creeper Leader!  Whoa.  They look pretty badass for ninjas.

They at least briefly got into the DIC cartoon series.  In one episode Night Creeper Leader thinks he's a new pharaoh or some damned thing.  They probably appeared in the comics since they had lots of ninja stuff going on.  BTW, here's the appropriate song:

A to Z Challenge Day 13: Mainframe vs Major Bludd

In every wave of GI JOE figures there was usually a figure who was sort of useless.  Among the 1986 figures, Mainframe was probably the most useless.  He didn't come with a gun or missile launcher or anything.  Why?  Because he was GI JOE's IT guy!  I mean all those awesome vehicles and shit have computers so you need someone on call; you can't just call Geek Squad and wait for them to send a guy out there.

Anyway, check out the action-packed artwork on his original box:

Can you hear me now?

He makes computer repair look so exciting!  But in the second full season of the show he did get a surprising amount of screen time.  He was like the hacker guy whenever the Joes needed some hacking and shit.  He even had a thing with the evil Zarana, which got kind of awkward when COBRA turned Mainframe and a few other Joes into little kids in one episode.  He was in the animated movie to help get GI JOE's BET energy thingy to work.  But after he disappeared.  What happened with him and Zarana?  We'll never know.  Or maybe we will; we just won't care.

As you might expect, he wasn't reissued much.  A 2008 reissue was called "Dataframe" which sounds even lamer.  In later comics he was Sgt Mainframe and I suppose computer hacking and stuff was probably more useful for the 21st Century.

More useful was Major Bludd.  He was usually the COBRA field commander while Cobra Commander and Destro and Baroness were back at whatever lair they were using for the week.  He's Australian with an eye patch and mustache, so he's pretty awesome.

He appeared quite a bit in the early Sunbow cartoon episodes, though not as much by the end.  When his figure was reissued, he was reintroduced in the DIC show, again as the field commander for the most part.  I mean someone has to lead the various generic troopers and Vipers and whatnot, right?  I'm sure he was in the comics too, though probably not as much of a cowardly dumbass.

He wasn't in either of the live action movies.  Again, a perfectly good stereotype character wasted!  I mean an Australian guy with an eye patch and mustache; how could you waste an opportunity like that?  Michael Bay is shaking his head sadly.

BTW, check out this 1994 sort of disco pirate version:

Arr matey, I be stayin' alive!

This is probably why they shut down the toy line after 12 years.

A to Z Challenge Day 12: Lady Jaye vs Lampreys

GI JOE has had plenty of female characters since the Real American Hero line debuted in 1982.  First was Scarlett and then Cover Girl.  The third major female character for the Joes was Lady Jaye.  Sometimes I wondered if it was supposed to be Lady JAYE or Lady JANE.  But it's Jaye.  For whatever reason.

Lady Jaye wasn't quite as glamorous as Cover Girl or as feminine as Scarlett.  She was actually kind of lesbian-looking with the short hair and hat.  She had kind of a Green Arrow-type gimmick where she threw javelins that could shoot nets or whatever was needed for that episode of the TV show or comic book.

In the TV show especially she had a thing with Flint, though they weren't really doing a lot of romantic stuff because it was a kids show in 1986.  I think it was probably the same in the comics, but I don't really remember.  In one episode she inherits Destro's ancestral home and finds out that she's a distant relative of him!  But it's never mentioned again.  Her main contribution to the animated movie was being captured by Cobra-la.  It's funny that in the credits her name is listed as "Lady J."

She appeared a few times in the DIC cartoon series but didn't really have a major role.  Her figure had been out of circulation for years but I guess the team needed a vagina, so she was kept around. In the 2013 movie GI JOE Retaliation, "Jaye" (she's no lady!) she was played by Adrianne Palicki, who played Mockingbird on Agents of SHIELD and is currently on The Orville.  So that's something.

As for COBRA, the best I could do was Lampreys, the driver of the COBRA Moray Hydrofoil.  Like with the ice guys, water guys were also fairly limited.   Though there were more times when they would be on water than in the snow, so a little more useful than Ice Viper and the WOLF.  I don't think we had the Moray, though it might have been cool to play with in the pool versus the little plastic boats from Meijer that cost like a dollar and couldn't fit any GI JOEs on them.

Anyway, I'm sure Lampreys were on the cartoon and in the comic, but just as like a background guy.  I mean they wouldn't get a spotlight episode or issue or anything.

A to Z Challenge Day 11: Knockdown

Just like yesterday, there's no COBRA K-name either!  So we only have one GI JOE guy:  Knockdown!

Who was he?  He was part of the "Battle Force 2000" team that was actually from 1987.  They were supposed to be all futuristic and shit.

Knockdown wasn't like the leader or anything.  Just part of the team.  Like all the Battle Force guys he came by himself originally and then in a two-pack with "Dodger" and they each had a vehicle.  The vehicles had parts that would go together to make a sort of fortress thing.  I think my brother and I only had the Vector Jet (the coolest one!) with the yellow pod at the back that could come off.  Without all the vehicles you couldn't make the fortress thing, so we really missed out.  I think Knockdown went with the Sky Sweeper but it didn't really matter.

The Battle Force team never made any of the movies or TV shows.  I don't know about the comics.  Maybe.  Maybe not.

A to Z Challenge Day 10: Jinx

This is a pretty short entry.  For some reason there's no COBRA figure starting with a J.  Maybe one has a real name starting with J, though most are generic and don't have a real name or their real name is "classified."

Anyway, for the JOEs you have Jinx, a female ninja.  One thing you can say for the GI JOE toys is they were inclusive.  You had all races and females as well as males.  It was a lot more diverse than the regular army at that time.

Have to like the red nail polish.  Just because you're a ninja doesn't mean you can't look good too!

Jinx was jinxed (pun intended) in that she was introduced in the animated movie as a new recruit along with Lt. Falcon, Chuckles, Tunnel Rat, and a couple of others.  She gets sexually harassed by Lt. Falcon and hotwires a helicopter so the new recruits can somehow fly from Joe headquarters to the Himalayas in like two hours.  That helicopter's faster than an SR-71 Blackbird!  Following the grand tradition of veiled sexism in movies, Jinx has to square off with the female Cobra-la agent Pythona.  Like Daredevil she fights best when she can't see because it like heightens her other senses or whatever.  When the DIC show aired they were already on to other characters so there was no room for her.

I think she was a lot bigger in the comics of the time.  They really pushed Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow, and the whole ninja thing.  So naturally Jinx was part of that.  Despite that, there wasn't a reissue of her until the 21st Century.  They revealed her real name then as Kim Arashikage.

In the 2013 movie GI JOE Retaliation, Jinx was played by Elodie Yung, who went on to play Elektra in Netflix's Daredevil series.  So at least Jinx got some more screen time than in the 80s.

A to Z Challenge Day 9: Ice, Ice, Baby!

For I we have a lot of Ice-guys.

First, Iceberg.  The first arctic-themed GI JOE was Snow Job in the second series.  Then there was Frostbite, who came with the "Snow Cat."  The main difference was those guys were white, whereas Iceberg is black.  And from Texas.  So becoming an arctic trooper was a natural career move!

He was in the Sunbow cartoon a couple of times, but the snow guys are kind of like Aquaman in that their usefulness is somewhat limited.  There has to be a situation where the Joes need to go to the arctic for them to have any use.  There was a Robot Chicken about this where some of the other Joes prank Snow Job by staging a mission in Switzerland and then after the Gotcha! have him go shovel the Joe headquarters driveway.

In one odd episode Iceberg uncovers an Arctic lab of Dr. Mindbender where he's got an Island of Dr. Moreau thing going on, turning people into seals, walruses, polar bears, and even an otter.  Iceberg gets turned into a killer whale.  Um, yeah, so that happened.

I'm sure Iceberg appeared in the comics once or twice because you have to advertise the toys, right?  That was pretty much it for him.  He was reissued as part of the Battle Corps line in 1993, the penultimate series, so that didn't have much impact.

For COBRA there was of course an Ice Viper.  He drove the COBRA WOLF that had kind of a jet-fighter type cockpit, skis, and rockets.  I used to have that one back in the day.  Like the snow troopers themselves, it's not all that useful unless for some reason you have a battle in the snow.  Though growing up in Michigan there were plenty of times where you could have used it in its native environment.

They showed up once or twice in the cartoon and probably the comics too.  Hooray!

The most hilarious Ice-related one was "Ice Cream Soldier."  But he had nothing to do with ice.  He was a flamethrower trooper.  The idea on the file card was that COBRA would never suspect a flamethrower guy when you shout Ice Cream Soldier!  At least that would work one time, right?

Probably the most ridiculous name for any Joe figure.