Here we go again! Wednesday was 2016 movie reviews of Tony Laplume and me. Now it's 2017!
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Logan (Laplume)
rating: *****
review: One of the truly great superhero movies, the kind the genre will be able to tout among the classics in decades to come, at last treating Wolverine as the icon he is but also as the man he is.
Me:
The problem is thanks to licensing and budgets and such this can't be as universe-spanning as the comic book. But I think they lost something by Logan not having a family and not taking a vow to not kill because that really made it more important when he did finally decide to kill. But then there wouldn't have been nearly the body count, right? (3/5)
Justice League (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: At this point a DC movie being trashed by critics and/or audiences (and an MCU being praised by both) is so old hat you just have to laugh. I loved this one, but the later Snyder Cut is better.
Me:
Justice League: I didn't hate this nearly as much as other people. It wasn't a great movie either, but it did the best it could with the hand it was dealt. (3/5) (And no, the Snyder Cut was not better, just longer.)
Star Wars - Episode VII: The Last Jedi (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: The period surrounding its release was a trying time for me, but even that didn't stop me from viewing Last Jedi very differently from its (un)popular reception. Contains at least one definitive moment in the saga.
Me:
The Last Jedi: Do I even need to delve into this? I've spent plenty of blog space on why this movie sucks. Yet of course people still think it's good. Shame on you. I mean sure it looks nice and there's diversity, but the story itself is absolute garbage that can only resolve itself through an obvious deus ex machina. What it did to Luke Skywalker was only slightly less traumatizing than killing Optimus Prime in Transformers: The Movie. If that's your best Star Wars, you're doing it wrong. (1/5)
Wonder Woman (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: Took me a few viewings, but I eventually understood what everyone loved about it.
Me:
Wonder Woman: The first of the modern DC live action movies where they actually got things right. Most of it wasn't as fun and popcorn-movie entertaining as Aquaman and Shazam but it was a good origin story and for my money the No Man's Land scene is still one of the best scenes in any superhero movie. Not to mention the significance of finally having a successful female superhero movie after decades of popular female characters being ignored. (4/5)
Murder on the Orient Express (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: The stellar cast led by director Kenneth Branagh makes this a statement on a classic.
Me:
I didn't actually write a review, at least not on this blog, but I remember it was decent though maybe not all that great unless you like old-fashioned detective movies. (3/5)
Logan Lucky (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: What were the odds that two movies released in 2017 featuring "Logan" in the title would not only exist but be well worth watching? This one stars Daniel Craig in probably the role that led to his far more famous turn as a Southern-voiced gentleman in Knives Out. And a great cast around him, including Adam Driver.
Me:
Logan Lucky: A West Virginia family has been down on their luck so long it seems to be a curse. Then the older brother (Channing Tatum) and his one-armed brother (Adam Driver) hatch a plan to rob a race track in North Carolina during a big race. They enlist the help of an explosives expert already in jail, Daniel Craig. Like a good heist movie there are plenty of twists and turns, but this was also pretty funny. (3/5)
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: Sometimes people are just looking for disappointment, especially when they know there's something at stake, such as a potential franchise around this one. But Charlie Hunham and company are a fine new version of the story all the same. Also the movie that definitively made me a fan of Guy Ritchie.
Me:
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword: As I said on Facebook, it would help if you can purge from your memory any knowledge of the actual King Arthur legend like the movie Excalibur. I mean there's very little of that in this other than some names and vague ideas. Instead director Guy Ritchie and his writing team try to melt together an Arthurian movie, one of Guy's London crime movies like Snatch, Robin Hood, and probably a few other things so that you end up with Arthur floating to London as a baby like Moses only to be adopted by prostitutes until he becomes their pimp. Meanwhile King Uther's brother has made a deal with "syrens" (a weird squid lady creature) in his basement to build a tower that will somehow give him ultimate power. The simple way to review this is to quote the old lady behind me in Transformers 2: This movie is so stupid. (1/5) (Fun Fact: N/A)
Good Time (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: The Robert Pattinson renaissance began with this performance as a bank robber who makes one terrible decision after another.
Me:
Good Time: The vampire guy from Twilight breaks his mentally challenged brother out of therapy to rob a bank so they can go buy a farm like Of Mice & Men or something. The teller gives them a dye pack so they end up being chased by cops and the mentally challenged brother is caught. So vampire guy has to try to get him out, which involves an odyssey through boroughs of New York that ultimately achieves nothing. Not really a great movie. Kind of boring. (2/5)
Blade Runner 2049 (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: Hey, I actually got into Ryan Gosling for this! Probably a better film than its predecessor. If Keanu Reeves can star in sequels to all his notable movies like Harrison Ford, he'll really have something.
Me:
Blade Runner 2049: This sequel 30 years after the original is OK but not great. I mean it's not Last Jedi bad for a sequel but it's slow and really annoying the tiny text prologue to fill us in on all the history since the last movie. Over 90 minutes go by before Harrison Ford shows up. Even then mostly he's tied up and almost drowns. Can he just retire already? It's starting to get embarrassing. (2.5/5)
The Hitman's Bodyguard (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson. I mean, do you really need a further explanation?
Me:
The Hitman's Bodyguard: It's basically Midnight Run only in Europe. Ryan Reynolds is a disgraced bodyguard whose ex works for Interpol. After her prisoner (Samuel L Jackson) is nearly killed, she asks Reynolds to get the guy to the Netherlands to testify at the trial of a Belarus president (Gary Oldman). For most of the movie I wondered why they needed to bother since testimony from a professor had already been thrown out because there wasn't evidence to support it. Though I don't know when you need physical evidence to back up witness testimony. But it turns out Jackson does have some physical evidence too. Anyway, they have to take planes boats, trains, and automobiles to get to the Netherlands while being chased by bad guys. The easy way to sum it up then is Reynolds is Reynolds and Jackson is Jackson and they just do their thing. It's pretty fun even if not overly surprising or twisty. (3/5) As a Fun Fact, if Deadpool joins the MCU then you'd have 3 starring actors from this movie all with MCU roles: Reynolds as Deadpool, Jackson as Nick Fury, and Elodie Yung as Elektra in Daredevil. Neat.
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: This really shouldn't have worked. But it did!
Me:
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle: Like Power Rangers earlier in the year, this is focused mainly on a group of teenagers learning to come together as a team after they're assigned to detention in a basement and find an old video game. When they pick characters and turn the game on, they're all sucked into the world of the game, where they have to return a jewel to a statue to save the land of Jumanji. The kids all get characters the opposite of what they are: the nerd is the Rock, the jock is Kevin Hart, the nerdy girl is a hot chick, and the hot chick is Jack Black. So the idea is that each character has to learn to use new skills as they come together. The Rock actually does a decent job impersonating a nerdy teenager and Jack Black does a good job impersonating a self-centered teenage girl. Overall it's a decent movie but fairly predictable. (2.5/5) (Fun Fact: There's sort of a reverse Big at the end when one kid who's been stuck in the game since the 90s reappears in modern times as Colin Hanks.)
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: I actually think Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne as disaffected space agents is a breath of fresh air in space opera filmmaking.
Me:
Valerian: Long before this came out I knew it would flop here in the States. Old French property? Check. Made by French guys? Check. Corny looking aliens and effects? Check. Unappealing lead actors? Check. And sometimes, just sometimes, like once in a blue moon, this Grumpy Bulldog is right and this was that time! So yeah there's like some aliens whose planet was destroyed and their princess beams her memories to Major Valerian (Dane DeHaan) who's a huge douche with an annoying partner Laureline (Carla De...whatever, the lame Enchantress from Suicide Sqaud) whom he keeps asking to marry. Then there's a lengthy bit where they go to "the Big Market" that's in another dimension you can only see with special goggles and whatnot to rescue some weird little animal. There's a weird bulldog-looking guy they have to steal it from, who swears revenge and yet never appears again. Then they go to "Alpha" which is like the International Space Station only 700 years later after it was set adrift by Rutger Hauer in a pointless cameo during the credits. And there's a jerk military guy (Clive Owen--remember him?) who you know is evil because he has his own entourage of killer robots. He wants the little animal and stuff. There's an especially annoying detour that goes on for like 30-45 minutes where Laureline is kidnapped by primitive aliens on the station and Valerian goes to rescue her by going to a nightclub managed by Ethan Hawke and starring Rihanna as a shape-shifting alien. And after they save Laureline from being eaten they jump into a trash chute, reminding everyone of Star Wars, except the walls don't start closing in on them. What was the point of that whole sequence? It had NOTHING to do with the main plot. It was just a lot of sexist, colonialist bullshit that probably played better in the 30s or whenever Valerian was popular in France. But as a compliment it's still probably not as fucking stupid as Jupiter Ascending. So there's that. (1.5/5) BTW, in a self-indulgent bit the bulldog alien and Valerian borrow lines from writer/producer/director Luc Besson's Taken. You know, that bit in all the previews where Liam Neeson says he'll find the guy and kill him? Only it's reversed with the bad guy saying Neeson's words and Valerian saying the bad guy's words.
American Made (Laplume)
rating: ****
review: The fact that Tom Cruise even made a conventional drama at this point in his career should be celebrated.
Me:
American Made: This one slipped under my radar as I never was going to watch it in the theater and just never got around to renting it on DVD. But now it's on HBO and so I finally watched it On Demand. Tom Cruise is an airline pilot who's recruited to work for the CIA taking pictures of communists in Central and South America. Eventually though he starts running drugs on the side with Pablo Escobar and that whole crew that so much has been made of the last few years. When the heat gets put on his home in Louisiana the CIA moves him to Arkansas and sets him up with a private airport where they start training Contras to fight against the communists in Nicaragua. Tom Cruise is still running drugs too and the problem becomes he has so much money that eventually people take notice. Though it's been almost 40 years since this shit started it's a good reminder of the stupid bullshit the US government often does. The ineffective strategy in Nicaragua was slightly more effective in Afghanistan--until of course bin Laden turned on us. Anyway, it's an OK movie but pretty standard stuff if you've seen Goodfellas or Scarface or whatever. His wife in the movie is pretty standard going from ignorance to turning a blind eye to actively participating in his schemes. Not essential viewing but not poor viewing either. (3/5) (Fun Fact: Tom Cruise reunites with Edge of Tomorrow director Doug Liman for this but since it called for a brash, middle-aged Texan wasn't it an ideal part for Matthew McConaghuey?)
Baby Driver (Laplume)
rating: ***
review: All style makes Edgar Wright lose some of his cool.
Me:
Baby Driver: This was directed by Edgar Wright, whom you might remember was originally making Marvel's Ant-Man movie until the whole "cinematic universe" thing started cramping his style. What was surprising to me is this is a fairly straight-forward crime caper movie. There's really not the humor in Wright's other projects like Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, or The World's End, all of which starred Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, neither of whom is present in this.
Basically this is pretty similar to movies like Drive starring Ryan Gosling a bit over five years ago I think. There's a kid who goes by the handle "Baby" who after his parents died in a car accident has lived with an old deaf black guy and listens to various iPods all the time because of tinnitus. Baby stole a car belonging to "Doc" some time earlier and wound up owing him a lot of money. To recoup it, Baby works as Doc's wheelman, using fast & furious driving to escape the cops after robberies.
Then he meets a girl working as a waitress in a diner and they fall in love. But of course there's one last big job--robbing a post office to steal money order paper. Though really couldn't you do the same at just about any pharmacy or liquor store? Maybe they don't have as much.
Not surprisingly things all go tits-up. The end takes a while and is kind of sad, but there's a happy ending of sorts. It's a fun ride even if a bit too straight-forward. (3/5)
Get Out (Laplume)
rating: ***
review: A satire so wicked its point was completely lost.
Me:
I can't find if I did a review of this, though I own it so obviously I watched it. A good horror movie that doubles as a social satire. The concept is ridiculous and yet the movie itself never seems like it's ridiculous. (3/5)
Spider-Man: Homecoming (Laplume)
rating: ***
review: I think Ned as "the guy in the chair" cheapens the results, but he's there for at least the next two movies, so what am I gonna do? Not as riveting as the two previous incarnations.
Me:
Spider-Man: Homecoming: Call me nostalgic or corny or whatever, but I never thought this rose to the level of the first two Raimi movies. Sure the effects were a little better but there was never anything as good as the upside-down kiss in the rain or the final battle between Spidey and the Goblin. Nor was there really as much attention paid to the characters as Spider-Man 2. But at least Peter didn't show his face to half of New York like in previous movies--at least until he lets Aunt May find out his secret. (3/5)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (Laplume)
rating: ***
review: Its best moment, Yondu's goodbye, elevates the results.
Me:
Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol 2: I didn't see this in theaters and when I watched it on Labor Day weekend in a motel I found myself getting bored and reading stuff on my phone instead of watching the movie. As far as Marvel movies go, was there any reason for this to exist? If you don't watch it, you're not missing much, especially with Gamora being rebooted in Endgame. (2.5/5)
Baywatch (Laplume)
rating: ***
review: It's definitely better than the TV series.
Me:
Baywatch: As I said on Facebook, some movies sound bad but end up pretty good. This is not that. It's just a bunch of warmed-over cliches strung together into a lame movie about lifeguards trying to foil a drug smuggler. The Rock is fine as the head lifeguard, but there's not really much to work with. David Hasselhoff shows up for a cameo, as does Pam Anderson, though they wisely don't give her any lines. (2/5)
Thor: Ragnorak (Laplume)
rating: **
review: I'm being generous, here, as I honestly think this was a jump the shark moment. Of course, it was otherwise popular. And of course Love and Thunder, which I love, is considered the shark moment for everyone else. This only figures.
Me:
Thor Ragnarök: A lot of people love this because it's "fun" but I found it a lame bastardization of the great Planet Hulk comic and a complete 180 in Thor characterization that continued into the last two Avengers movies. It turned the character from serious into a parody. (1/5)
1 comment:
I have to agree Ragnorok did have a lot of silly moments. I guess the humor writers at Marvel got carried away. It's interesting to get the opinion of two critics because many times they will disagree. You two should do a pod cast.
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