Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Big Girls Don't Cry...Apparently

Probably about 2 years ago when Michael Offutt read A Hero's Journey (Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1, which is FREE on Amazon and Smashwords) he commented that the hero, Dr. Emma Earl, cries too much.  So I went in and took out a few instances of her crying.  Because I'm proactive like that.

Well fast-forward to 2014 and someone complained about Chance of a Lifetime that Stacey Chance cries too much.  They claim she cries at the end of every chapter, which I sincerely doubt is true.  And then someone (or someones) on Goodreads complained that the male-to-female heroes in Girl Power cry too much.  And so OK I get the point.  I'll probably go back in and change a few instances.  When I get around to it.  One reason is because I like to be proactive about these things.  For another I like reading my own books, so any flimsy excuse to indulge in that, right?

Though with the latter two books I would grumpily say that I think people are wrong.  I mean if you're a guy and especially a superhero who's all full of male testosterone and all the sudden you become a woman filled with estrogen (and very little testosterone) it's going to fuck you up.  Why the hell do you think pregnant women get emotional?  Or guys (and gals) who take steroids go into rages?  Hormonal imbalances can screw you up, especially when you aren't used to dealing with them.  So thinking that Stacey or Apex Girl, Midnight Spectre, Velocity Girl, and Queen Neptune are just going to roll with it all stoic like is completely unrealistic.

According to So, You've Been Transformed into a Woman?!: A Guide to New Boobs for the Formerly Boobless by Tom Tame here's some reasons why women cry more than men:

Your new feminized / girlified body has a ton of reasons to cry more, and here are some of them:
  • High levels of hormones such as prolactin and progesterone can build up and become toxic. Such hormones are released in significant volumes through--what? You guessed it! Tears. Oh, and also in that puddle you make on the bed in which you will find yourself inevitably sleeping because he's on top and he rolls to the side, leaving you to stew in your combined sex juice. 
  • You now sweat less than men. Men can release a lot of their toxins through sweat. Yours now leak out your eyes. (Warning: Do NOT go taking whiffs of male sweat to remind yourself of what you used to smell like. While you might find the bulk of it stale and stinky, it's also rich in pheromones which do strange things to your girly brain (i.e. sexy time). 
  • Your female body has larger tear ducts, therefore when you do cry (are you sniffling again?!), you gush like a broken hydrant rather than just leak a little like the man you used to be. 
  • Stress hormones such as cortisol are released through tears. Considering your current predicament, you probably have a lot of reasons to be stressed, such as the deep and overwhelming loss of your dick (and/ or control thereof). 
  • It elicits sympathy even from the person( s) responsible for your transformation. It also connects them to you and creates a powerful sense of intimacy. Use it. Use it wisely. Use it well. You might just be able to work your way out of this.

Tame, Tom (2014-06-21). So, You've Been Transformed into a Woman?!: A Guide to New Boobs for the Formerly Boobless (Kindle Locations 1030-1044).  . Kindle Edition. 
The fact that 3/4 of the people who complained about this are male is telling, at least to me.  I mean to guys crying is taboo.  It's not something you do because crying makes you a wuss.  Which is something I subscribe to, so I guess there's some irony involved.

But at the same time I suppose I can look for ways to limit the number of times it happens.  Maybe.  And then you can be grateful.  I mean you think Stephen King would do that for you?  Ha.  Don't make me cry--with laughter.

And here's the appropriate song:
Apparently this was featured in that Jersey Boys movie no one watched.

7 comments:

  1. Ah, no, wait. Turns out someone in the building was just peeling onions.

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  2. I don't remember Emma Earl crying all that much. Not an outrageous amount, for sure. It's weird what people fixate on.

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  3. I read THOR is a girl now in the comics. I guess He/She will start crying also.

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  4. I was wondering why my prolactin and progesterone levels were so high. I'm off to watch "Beaches."

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  5. I'm stuck at the part where there's a book about being transformed into a woman...

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  6. You could always search for the word "cry" or "crying" and see how many times it pops up.

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