Friday, February 6, 2015

Mixed Nuts

Wednesday I mentioned I had two books for free until Sunday.  There's this:

and this:

So far Lipstick Lesbian Elixir is outpacing the other by about 20 units.  Which probably means something, though I couldn't tell you exactly what.  If you haven't yet, go download those!  Even if you never read them, it helps keep me on the bestseller list--the free version anyway. 

I noticed someone had given my book Transformed Into a Bimbo 1 star because it didn't get him "sexually excited."  From looking at the dude's other reviews, I guess this is how he grades books.  That's kind of fucked up, though I guess for erotica books it's kinda appropriate.  How creepy would Siskel and Ebert have been if instead of thumbs-up or thumbs-down they rated it boner-up or flaccid?  Which makes me wonder if anyone ever did a film review show for pornos.

Speaking of movies, sort of, before I started rewatching Breaking Bad on Netflix I watched the Jon Favreau movie Chef.  It was OK, but the problem was there was never really an "all is lost moment" where you felt like things wouldn't work out.  You know, there just wasn't enough conflict, except at the beginning when he yells at a food critic.  The only problem was this was supposed to be like an indie movie except it co-starred Scarlett Johannson, Dustin Hoffman, and Robert Downey Jr.  All indie movies should be that lucky, right?

One thing that movie will do is make you hungry.  One thing that sucks when you're living on the road is that it's hard to cook.  I mean you can go to extended stay motels where they have a stovetop, but none of them have like an oven.  For a couple months I've really wanted to cook a frozen pizza.  I know it won't be that great, but I just haven't done it in a while.  The other things that might be nice are fajitas and grilled cheese.  Anyway, you get sick of restaurant and microwave food after a while.

It's too bad I'm not still doing the Box Office Blitz thing because it'd be fun to guess how much Jupiter Ascending is going to bomb.  I'm not sure, is one of the Wachowskis married to a big wig at WB or something?  Or maybe they have dirty pictures on someone.  Or I guess whoever is in charge at Warner Bros is a moron.  I mean after the debacle that was Speed Racer they handed them the checkbook again?  Really?  Come on, The Matrix was 16 years ago.  Since then the closest they've had to a big success is all those Occupy protestors wearing Guy Fawkes masks.

You know how I write all those gender swap books?  On one of my Roku channels I found this movie called Zerophilia which is a gender swap movie of sorts.  For some reason this dude turns into a chick when he gets sexually excited.  But I don't think it'd be steamy enough for erotica Ebert mentioned above.

Do you suppose this whole Bruce Jenner becoming a woman thing would make this subject more mainstream?  I could just see a year or two from now Stephen King or James Patterson or some big name coming out with a gender swap book and people saying, OMG, what a genius to think of that!  And then I'd be like, hey I've been doing this for like 5 years!

Since I'm not moving around so much, maybe I should think more of what to do with blog entries.  I'm not sure people like the random shit approach.


  1. You can't get more random than me, of course that might not be such a good thing...

  2. I wonder if you could actually reach out to Bruce Jenner and interview him for your blog. I've known one person that is transgendered and became a woman. He was miserable in his own skin for so many years. I feel that as a society, we should become more sensitive to sexuality and how it gives us a good measure of our identity. But that would require thinking that goes beyond, "This is what my religion says god wants you to be." I'm glad that your sales are really doing well as I know you definitely need the money.

    1. I'll have my people call his people and we'll do lunch. lol

  3. I like the random stuff.

    I thought John Irving's last book featured a transgender person? Anyway, if it catches on as a pop culture genre, we'll make sure to give you credit. You should try to interview Bruce Jenner. The Grumpy Bulldog Pop Culture Interviews.

    I'll go download those books, solely to help keep you on the top of the list. That's the only reason, honest Sweetie.

    PS: I LIKE frozen pizza. I can see where you'd miss it. Tony's pizzas are the best.

  4. Random is okay with me. Anyway...I would think that staying in motels would be more expensive than something permanent.

    I love those french bread pizzas. They also can be microwaved...but I've never tried it that way.

  5. I'm surprised anyone still answers their yo phone calls after Cloud Atlas

  6. Eating microwave food would be hard and you should totally bring back box office blitz



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