Shamelessly pandering for page views now!
So as you probably know the final trailer for Star Wars Episode VII The Force Awakens came out Monday night during Monday Night Football. Which for people like Michael Offutt is the only reason to ever watch football. My British buddy Neil Vogler was bummed the trailer didn't leak earlier, which was a surprise to me as they usually do but I guess after the Avengers 2 one leaked earlier in the year they probably made sure to put it on total lockdown.
So here are some thoughts I had, some of which I Tweeted, not that you read my Tweets or even know I have a Twitter account. (I have 3 actually.)
1. John Boyega's Finn is the Luke Skywalker. It's not only because he gets a blue lightsaber. From what we saw in the trailer he pretty much sounds like what would have happened to Luke if Uncle Owen had let him go to the Imperial Academy, or really what happened to Luke's friend Biggs, in that he is part of the Empire (First Order, whatever) but gets disillusioned, jumps ship, and then hooks up with the "Resistance." And somewhere meets Luke and/or Leia to get a lightsaber and fight Kylo Ren. Which brings up:
2. Kylo Ren and his buddies are Sith cosplayers. So basically this dude finds Darth Vader's mask and decides that he's going to dress like Darth and build himself a dorky red lightsaber. And he has some buddies who have sticks and shit. They're basically like the Goth kids in high school grown up--and with a lightsaber.
3. The girl is the kid from Star Wars Rebels--only, you know, a girl. I have no idea what the female character's name is and I only know the actress is Daisy Somethingorother. I don't think she's really been in anything important until now. Anyway, in the trailer we see her scrambling around inside that crashed Star Destroyer from the first trailer. The whole scavenger thing makes me think of the kid on Disney's Star Wars Rebels, Ezra or whatever. I'm sure she finds something important, like plans for the new Death Star or Starkiller or whatever was on the new poster.
4. The Luke Skywalker "mystery" doesn't matter. So far we haven't seen Luke in the trailers or on the poster, which has fans in a tizzy. You know what? Big whoop. This is classic JJ Abrams. Remember for Star Trek Into Darkness where he wouldn't say Benedict Cumberbatch was Khan even though everyone in the fucking world knew he was Khan? And then guess what? Yeah, he was Khan. This is the same deal. It's just Abrams and company trying to work fans up. Obviously Luke is going to be the Obi-Wan. If it turns out otherwise I'd really shocked. But just don't worry about it, people.
5. It's appropriate Han Solo was the one telling the new kids the Force is real since in Star Wars Episode IV he was the one who said it was a hokey religion. So now it's come full circle.
6. This hype is unbearable. Am I the only one who remembers 1999? How everyone was going nuts over The Phantom Menace before it was out? It's all the same shit again with the rampant merchandising machine and people swarming to buy tickets and stuff. Everyone's saying to themselves, hey this time around we get geriatric versions of our childhood favorites! And George Lucas isn't involved! Yup, that makes it a lot better...not really. As they say in Fanboys when they're finally sitting down to watch Phantom Menace: What if it sucks? It'll probably crush your souls.
7. What happened to the Episode #s? Seriously, you notice in the posters and that they don't refer to it as Episode VII? Is this because of the failure of the prequels? Maybe they thought the whole "Episode" thing was too closely linked to that while the original three movies didn't include Episodes in the titles originally.
There you go. Now to kick back and watch my page view numbers skyrocket.