About three weeks ago I saw this post and reading it made me kinda do a double-take:
The sentence reads like something in a paranormal story query. When I first read it, I thought the person mentioned was a witch or something like that who's centuries old. Because it says "After centuries..." and then the subject is this Andrea Campbell person. Obviously that's not the intent, but that is how it reads.
This is an issue that's pretty common in writing stories and also queries. It's something writers have to be careful about because it creates a meaning other than what's intended. At the very least your reader might have to stop to consider what you really meant and you don't want normal readers or especially agents/editors to do that.
I don't remember all the exact terms for stuff, but in cases like this, when you have an introductory clause then the first person or place you mention should be what that's referring to or else it won't read correctly. So...
"After centuries of not seeing someone who looks like her, Andrea Campbell is making history in the Massachusetts AG's office."
Should be more like:
"For centuries there's been no one who looks like Andrea Campbell in the Massachusetts AG's office. Now she's making history and tackling the issues that matter to most Americans."
Not to shame whoever wrote this, here's something I did that was sorta similar:
"The figure stumbles to land on the floor, but even with a blindfold and gag on, I can recognize Nat’s pink hair, piercings, and tattoos."
I changed it slightly to:
"The figure stumbles to land on the floor, but even with a blindfold and gag on the figure’s face, I can recognize Nat’s pink hair, piercings, and tattoos."
If I wasn't really paying attention I might not have even noticed this. The meaning is probably clear and yet if I say, "with a blindfold and gag on, I..." it might read to some people like the narrator is the one with a blindfold and gag on. So adding a reference to the actual subject (the figure) makes it more clear.
So there you go. Watch out for that kind of stuff in your own writing so you don't say something other than what you mean.
Maybe by now some doofus has said, "It's just social media, bruh" but really, it is someone's job to write this stuff; they probably should try to not make it confusing or weird. It was to me just a strange way to write that in the first place.
Monday begins the A to Z Challenge! I have already announced my topic; if you missed the announcement, you can go back and read it. Or just wait until Monday...if you dare.
3 comments:
You make the issue clearer with the blindfold example. Easy to make the mistake but just as easy to fix it.
Good luck with the Challenge. You have an interesting theme.
When I read the sentence starting with "For Centuries" I thought the same thing as you. How would that be possible? I've noticed that sometimes the media likes to use the phrase "no one that looks like him, her, me, etc.." They probably find it clever.
As for your sentence about the figure, the first one didn't confuse me. I assumed the figure was blindfolded and gagged. But I can see how it might confuse someone else.
Oh! This will be a lot of fun. I have been a lot more video games with my kids recently. So this will be part nostalgia for me and part shopping list!
Post a Comment