On my niece's 9th birthday, let's rank movies by one of her favorite superheroes: Batman! At least it was her favorite hero when she was 2. I'd rank My Little Ponies or American Girl dolls but I don't really know much about them. So let's do this! This is only live action movies, not animated ones--which includes the Lego one. And I'm not including the Adam West Batman one.
8. Batman & Robin: Unless you're Tony Laplume, maybe not even then, I think we can all agree that this was the worst Batman movie since Adam West took the shark repellent out of his utility belt to fend off that plastic shark. I mean, nipples on the Batsuit! Every line of dialogue is a bad pun. They completely misuse Bane as a dumb henchman. Arnold Schwarzenegger as a brilliant scientist? Ugh. George Clooney is a decent Bruce Wayne, but not believable as Batman. When he says, "I'm Batman," I just snorted and said, "No you're not." The most surprising thing about the movie is somehow George Clooney's career survived this travesty. Probably because around the same time he did Out of Sight, directed by Stephen Soderbergh, who kept him in mind for Ocean's 11.
7. Batman Forever: It's not as bad as its sequel, but when I rewatched it not long ago, I realized it wasn't that much better. Maybe fewer puns and fewer nipples, but still a lot of cheesiness. Tommy Lee Jones's Two-Face is pretty goofy and Jim Carrey's Riddler is more often like a demented Pee Wee Herman than a supervillain. Val Kilmer isn't a bad Batman or Bruce Wayne and while he's a little old for it, Chris O'Donnell isn't a bad Robin--as far as movies go he doesn't have much competition. A sad fact is that I think until Aquaman this was Nicole Kidman's most financially successful movie despite the Oscars and other awards she won in the interim.
6. Batman v Superman: It's not exactly a Batman movie, but let's face it, it's like 75% a Batman movie, 20% Superman, and 5% Wonder Woman. The movie is ambitious, but most of it just doesn't make sense, most infamously the "Martha" scene. I've written about it a lot already, so I don't think I have to go into it a lot more. Ben Affleck is good as the Frank Miller-type Batman, probably better in this than the kinder, gentler version of Justice League. It would have been interesting to see what he'd have done with a solo movie, but that's not happening anymore.
5. Batman Returns: After the success of the 1989 movie, the studio let Tim Burton follow some of his worst instincts. Big mistake. So we get the Penguin as some kind of mutant who grew up in the sewer like the Ninja Turtles. Danny DeVito has the range that he could have played a more normal Penguin and been even more menacing. The circus henchmen, oversized rubber duck vehicle, and robot penguins launching rockets all pushed the franchise towards the campiness of the Schumacher movies. Like the Penguin, the movie doesn't really nail Catwoman either. It doesn't mishandle her as badly as the Halle Berry movie, but it's not a lot better. Michael Keaton tries to maintain some dignity as Batman and Bruce Wayne, but it's a tall order.
4. The Dark Knight Rises: I like this probably more than I should, mostly because it's the closest we might ever get to a Knightfall movie. The plot is far less realistic than The Dark Knight with Gotham being cut off from the world and some guy punching Bruce Wayne's back to fix it so he can walk again. But this version of Catwoman is a lot closer to the source material as she's actually a thief--and a brunette. It would have been nice to develop the relationship between Bruce and Selina a little more before the whole disappearing until the final act thing, but I suppose it was long enough as it was. The twist of Talia's secret identity was pretty good; the first time I watched it I suspected it but it got to the point where I was doubting myself. And John "Robin" Burke was an OK way to sorta work Robin into it. Some people complain about the end but seeing that Bruce's house becomes the Thomas and Martha(!) Wayne House for Disadvantaged Children (or whatever) almost brings me to tears for some reason. And then Robin finding the Batcave to resume Bruce's work is so awesome. It's an ending that's also not really an ending because the legend of Batman will live on. It worked a lot better than Rey randomly deciding she's a Skywalker.
3. Batman Begins: After Batman & Robin the franchise was not in a good place. Christopher Nolan came in and took it in a new direction, ridding it of the campiness of Schumacher and the neo-Gothic look of Burton. Instead, Nolan attempted to show what Batman would look like in a real world--more or less. The bad guy plot to dispense fear toxin is a little overwrought, but for the most part it's a great origin story. Christian Bale is great as Batman and Bruce Wayne; Gary Oldman does a wonderful job of portraying Gordon as weary and yet still clinging to his integrity; Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine provide some needed levity as Batman/Bruce's allies; and Liam Neeson seamlessly pivots from mentor to villain. I like Cillian Murphy in other things, but he's miscast as the Scarecrow and the less said about Katie Holmes, the better.
2. Batman: The 1989 movie changed the superhero movie forever. It was dark and gritty, not like the Christopher Reeve Superman movies. The dark, neo-Gothic city and the all-black Batsuit really set the tone early on that this isn't the Adam West version. Jack Nicholson chews a lot of scenery as the Joker, using a partial version of Alan Moore's The Killing Joke in that he fell into some chemicals, giving him the white skin, only there was no Red Hood in this. Kim Basinger spends most of the movie in a daze as she's buffeted from Bruce Wayne to Batman to Joker. Michael Keaton is a good Bruce Wayne and a passable Batman. Then you have you Billy Dee Williams underused as Harvey Dent and Robert Wuhl as Vicki Vale's reporting partner. Plus Bob, the Joker's Goon! I always regret I never bought his action figure.
1. The Dark Knight: Not quite a perfect movie, but it really fulfills the Nolan vision of the realistic Batman. It starts with Batman working with Gordon and Harvey Dent to take down the mob. But this opens the door for a little known criminal known as the Joker. Heath Ledger's Joker is as dangerous as the Jack Nicholson one, but less cartoony. Maggie Gyllenhaal replaces Katie Holmes and does a little better job. Aaron Eckhart is a great Harvey Dent, but I've always thought the Two-Face was the most unbelievable part of the movie. Anyone with their face that badly burnt wouldn't be able to get out of bed, let alone go on a killing spree. The only thing I don't like about the movie is the third act with that whole boat thing. Otherwise I'd say this is the definitive Batman movie.
There you go, that's the list.
2 comments:
a good ranking...will the animated Batman movies be their own list?
I gotta disagree that Batman v Superman is better than Batman and Robin but that’s not saying much. The Schumacher films have their own silly feel but they weren’t trying as hard as Snyder’s is to make them dark. Can’t disagree with you on Dark Knight though.
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