Back in August I made the mistake of leaving the TV on after one movie and Cool World came on. I have some deeper issues to discuss but first let me just say this movie is utter garbage. Basically like Who Framed Roger Rabbit?--only terrible. The cartoon characters range from annoying to gross and the human character who should be the lead isn't really developed while the human character who shouldn't be the lead is given a lot of screen time.
At this point you can stop reading and say, "I've never seen that." Or, "I've never heard of that." Or maybe, "You shouldn't watch movies you don't like."
Or you can read the rest of the post to find out what the point is...
OK, so the premise is there's this cartoonist named Jack (Gabriel Byrne) who's in prison for apparently killing his wife's lover. (Not that we ever see that or anything; it's just referenced in passing by some guy we never see again.) He draws this whole series of comics called, you guessed it, Cool World. His favorite creation is this hot blonde named Holly Wood (Kim Basinger first in voice and then body as well) who's like a sluttier Jessica Rabbit. She wants to escape the cartoon world--and who can blame her? It sucks pretty hard--so she decides to seduce Jack and draw him into the cartoon world to have sex with him, thereby making her real. They go back to the real world but the effect starts wearing off so she goes to the top of a hotel in Vegas for some MacGuffin and he has to stop her and in the end he turns into a parody of Superman (who talks like Dudley Doorite) and they live Happily Ever After in a comic book or something.
So the uncomfortable, weird, creepy question is: have you ever made a character so attractive to you that you'd want to fuck him/her/it?
I don't really think so. I mean I've made Sims of a lot of them and stuff but I don't really think of them that way. Maybe it's because as a writer I think of them more as my children than sex toys. Even the ones I create for erotica stories aren't necessarily ones I think of that way. If I'm pulled into Chance of a Lifetime or A Hero's Journey or whatever, I don't think I could sleep with Stacey or Emma because it'd be too weird. It'd be like incest.
At least consciously. Now, unconsciously, if I see someone like Stacey Chance or Emma Earl or maybe one of my erotica book characters on the street and she starts coming on to me, what, I'm gonna say no? Hahaha. Yeah, right.
Of course with the exception of some erotica characters (some), my characters aren't sluts so they probably wouldn't really try to seduce me like that. And really most of them live in worlds better than this one right now so if anything I'd try desperately to get into their world, not the other way around.
But let's open it up more: are there any literary characters you would want to sleep with? Mr. Darcy? That guy from Outlander? Arthur Dent? Edward from Twilight? Bella from that same book? Katniss Everdeen? Harry Potter? Hermione? Gandalf? Frodo? Hamlet? MacBeth? Don Quixote?
Hmmm...maybe Candy from The Cider House Rules if she looks like Charlize Theron. Mara Jade from the Timothy Zahn Star Wars books. I mean she's a hot redhead with the Force! Think how nifty that would be in bed. (She could probably Force choke me for some auto-erotic asphyxiation. Maybe Force choke something else so I have a hard-on for hours.)
If we include comic books, would I want to sleep with Wonder Woman? Probably not. Any of those bulky ones would just be too intimidating, so I'd rule out Supergirl, She-Hulk, etc. Batgirl? Maybe. Catwoman? Maybe. Batwoman? Crap, she's a lesbian. Maybe I could just watch her then. Jean Grey/Phoenix? She could probably just brainwash you into thinking you had sex without actually doing it. Rogue? No, she'd kill me with her touch, right? Would Storm's power have any useful application? Hurm. Ooh, Silk Spectre II from Watchmen. OK, either Silk Spectre, I'm not picky. Black Widow? They're supposed to kill after mating, right? Katana? As long as she doesn't stab me and steal my soul into her blade. Zatanna? As long as she doesn't do any of that stupid backwards "magic" talk. The Scarlet Knight? Oh, wait, that's where this all got started...
This is really going all Brodie in Mallrats now. Bet you wished you stopped reading after the first paragraph now. Just try to erase this from your brain. Bwahahahahahahaha...
No comments:
Post a Comment