A Raymond Chandler Evening

Back in 2011 I came up with a harebrained idea.  I'm not sure exactly what it was supposed to be.  Something about in the 30s there was a guy and he knew Raymond Chandler or he was Raymond Chandler--something like that.  And then there was something about meeting a guy who would be the inspiration for Philip Marlowe.

In researching this I read a bunch of Chandler stories (this huge 1100-page book of his short stories from the library) and got a biography on him.  And then lost enthusiasm for the project because it seemed like it wouldn't really work.

But I think there is still an idea there.  My current take on it would be in the 40s in LA there's some young guy we'll call Phil after Philip Marlowe.  His parents are both dead and he has some crappy job and a crappy apartment and so on but he really loves reading detective stories, especially Chandler ones.

Then one night some prized possession, like something his father gave him before he died in the war, is stolen.  Phil goes to the cops but they don't really care.  He goes to some low-rent detective, which is the best he can get.  The guy is pretty much the opposite of Marlowe and the case doesn't involve a lot of hot, rich dames or anything like that.

In the end the private detective probably just bails on Phil when the money runs out and Phil never finds the prized possession.  But maybe during the case he meets a girl that helps to ease the pain a little.  Or something.

This is one of those ideas that is definitely only in rough form right now, but maybe someday I'll figure it out.  Or probably not.

Anyway, enjoy the song that the title is pulled from.  Or don't.

From Body Shamer to Body Shamed

This was one of those gender swap stories that I came up with a while ago and even have a cover made for it, but I just haven't gotten around to actually writing it.

The concept is pretty simple:  a male bully in high school (presumably) picks on a chubby girl.  The next day...somehow he wakes up as a fat girl and has to go to school and endure the shaming.  And then he learns his lesson about bullying and probably makes friends with the girl he picked on.  Hooray!  The end.

It's one of those it's so simple I don't know why I haven't actually written it except that Transformed Into a Fat Girl didn't really have great sales so it's maybe not the most salable concept.  I could probably knock it out in a couple of weekends so really I ought to do that.  Or not.  Whatever.

A Fantastic Idea

This Storypalooza 2.0 wouldn't be complete without another of my patented stupid movie ideas no one will ever make because they are too dumb and chicken shit to do anything this brilliant!  (Looking at you, DC/WB.)

Now that Marvel has reacquired the rights to the Fantastic Four, the question is: how do you integrate them into the Marvel Cinematic Universe?  One day out of the blue I had a fantastic idea on how to do that.  (Fantastic as in strange, not fantastic as in great.)  It'd basically be like a comic book version of Last Action Hero.

Into the Spider-Verse (Yes I know it's not an official MCU movie.) and Spider-Man Far From Home have already brought up the idea of a multiverse.  And yes Mysterio was lying about being from another universe, but so what?  It's still a neat idea.

So I thought instead of doing another boring origin story, which we've done twice already, the last time being a complete failure, why don't we just cut to the chase?  And then I thought, why not really have some fun with it?

My idea then is there's another universe where it's 1961 when Stan Lee first created the Fantastic Four.  And this universe would really be like the comics.  The costumes and dialogue and everything pretty much just like it was on the page.  It'd have this whole campy 60s Batman vibe to it.

Then one day they're called out to fight Dr. Doom, who's working on some device.  There's a fight, during which the device is activated.  And then Doom and the Fantastic Four are thrown through space and time into another universe.  The MCU universe, of course.

From there it becomes a fish-out-of-water story as like Captain America the FF is displaced in time and also a lot of things are different from their universe.  Reed Richards would of course be fascinated by all the high-tech shit like iPhones and whatnot and Johnny Storm might find the more liberated women challenging while Sue has to get used to being more liberated and the Thing...is still the Thing.

And like Jack Slater in Last Action Hero they probably find that things don't work the same way in the "real" world.  Like they foil some crime and instead of being thanked they get yelled at for the massive collateral damage they caused.  If Disney wants to pay for any cameos you could have some Avenger maybe show up on the scene thinking they're bad guys before ultimately coming around to the right idea.

Meanwhile Doom goes to Latveria and takes over from whatever weak-willed idiot was on the throne.  He finds that this world is actually a lot better for him as it's all corrupt and shit, not like the shiny, happy world he left behind.  And so then maybe he gets back to work on making whatever device he was working on earlier.  Then the Fantastic Four get together (probably with new MCU-ier costumes) and take him down but they remain in the MCU, though maybe Reed gets with Banner and Peter Parker to try to find a way back.

The advantage of this idea is that it's not another boring origin story.  And also then you don't have that awkwardness like Captain Marvel where she was around 25 years ago but she's been off in space so that's why you never saw or heard from her that entire time.  If any nerdy fans want to ask where were Reed, the Storms, and Ben Grimm, well, they were in another universe, so suck it.  And it'd be fun.  It'd be a good way to bring in some other characters, like if Marvel ever can make a Namor movie for instance.

I have a literally big idea for an end credits scene too.  It cuts back to the world the FF left behind where newspapers and TV have headlines like, "Where are the Fantastic Four?!" and "Crime up 10,000%!" and "President Kennedy Orders DEFCON 3" or whatever to tell us that things are falling apart and people are on edge.  And then we see a huge, shadowy shape approaching the Earth, maybe with a certain silver guy on a surfboard ahead of it.  As in Galactus, the eater of worlds, and in this case a very comic book-like version.  Like the FF this would allow the MCU to insert him without those annoying questions about where he's been or why haven't Captain Marvel or the Guardians of the Galaxy or anyone like that dealt with him.  And of course it sets up a sequel that might happen 10 years later thanks to all the other movies on their slate.

There you go, ball's in your court, Marvel/Disney.

Gender Swap Therapy

Like the last entry this is another series that I have in a file but haven't gotten around to writing it yet.  Sort of like the 24 Hour Gender Swap there's a woman with magic powers who transforms guys into women.  Only instead of being a Gypsy, this is a therapist who uses gender swapping to heal some guy's problems.  I have at least 3 ideas:

Regression Therapy:  A child molestor is turned into a little girl and gets his just desserts.  (I'd probably have to change the cover so Amazon doesn't block the book a year or 3 later.)

Immersion Therapy:  Just a plain vanilla one where a misogynist becomes a hot chick and realizes how the other half lives.

Couples Therapy:  A couple with issues is turned into twin girls and become a lot closer.

There are probably more I could come up with if I put my mind to it.  Given the response to 24 Hour Gender Swap I'm not sure it'd be a good idea to pursue.

Time Swaps

I still have a number of Eric Filler gender swap story ideas in a file on Word.  One series I came up with is sort of like Time Cop meets Quantum Leap--with gender swapping!

Dr. Sam Bullard uses a time machine to fight crime but whenever he goes back a side effect of the machine turns him into a woman (and leaves him naked) so he has to get clothes and stuff and then stop something bad from happening. We have possible cover images for 80s, 60s, 50s, 40s, and 20s.

I could probably find costumes for the 90s or 70s or 30s or 10s or of course a lot olden times if I wanted, but I think that's a good start.  

For one reason or another I haven't gotten around to actually writing any books yet.  Maybe at some point I'll get to it.  Or not.

Faces of CHANCE: The Sequels

In 2015 I wrote Another Chance, a spin-off of the Chances Are books.  It focused on a conman named Vince who's turned into an Indian woman named Vinaya with the drug that turned Steve into Stacey in the first book.  At the end, Vinaya is recruited to join an agency known as CHANCE to fight evil.  CHANCE was supposed to be kind of like SHIELD in the Marvel universe or whatever.

For whatever reason I never got around to writing any sequels.  Maybe because while the book sold some copies (and I gave away a bunch more) no one ever reviewed it.  No one!  It seems statistically impossible, but the closest I got is a couple of ratings on Goodreads.  It certainly didn't make me feel like I needed to scramble to write anything.

At one point I did rough out some sequels.  The first one would have Vinaya getting pregnant.  For lack of anything better I call it Fat Chance.  I mean, Pregnant Chance would sound weird.  Expecting Chance?  A New Chance?  Yet Another Chance?  Whatever.  Here's my rough description:

It’s six months after Vinaya joined CHANCE. She and Simon haven’t married yet but she’s a few months pregnant. Thanks to the nanobots, she hardly has any symptoms at all. So she can still go on dangerous missions—or at least she thinks so. But when taking down a former CHANCE operative things go sour and Vinaya is nearly killed. Simon and their boss force her to stand down until after the baby is born.

After a couple of months, though, that former operative she was after returns and badly injures Simon. Vinaya refuses to stand by and wants to get revenge. Their computer hacker turns up a lead to the former operative: he has a daughter in high school. So with some help, Vinaya goes undercover as a high school senior—a pregnant high school senior.

She does what she can about hiding the pregnancy while seeking out the operative’s daughter. They start to get buddy-buddy and Vinaya realizes the girl has no idea what her father really does. It makes her wonder what she will have to tell her child when the kid gets old enough. Maybe she will have to stop all this and work behind a desk or something less dangerous.

Eventually she has to tell the girl her secret to try and find her father. The girl isn’t happy with her but she gives in eventually. Except when a team moves in on where the guy is supposed to be, it’s a trap! The former drill sergeant is injured but not killed.

Meanwhile, the father comes for his daughter. Vinaya tries to stop him, but she can’t. She manages to track them down and finally gets the guy to turn himself over to the authorities and let his daughter go free.

As the father is being taken into custody, Vinaya’s water breaks. She’s rushed to the hospital. Not even the nanobots can make labor a breeze, but eventually she gives birth to a daughter—a normal half-Indian/half-white daughter. Simon shows up while she’s recovering to see them. And so they live happily ever after, right?

And that set up the third story where Vinaya has essentially retired so she her husband and daughter can live peacefully--until things go to Hell.  Here's the rough description for Taking a Chance:

The silhouette thing doesn't work so well here.

It’s like 3 years later and Vinaya and Simon are married with their daughter Gita (or whatever). Vinaya has reluctantly stepped back from field work to avoid endangering her life and her family. Mostly she’s just a consultant, though sometimes they do need her unique set of skills.

She’s accompanying her boss (and former girlfriend) to a conference in some foreign country. It seems like a milk run, but after a night of some drinking and confessions, Vinaya wakes up to find her boss disappeared. She doesn’t find any clues and when the local cops start hassling her, she returns home.

When she gets back, she receives a video of her boss being held captive and tortured. A masked man demands Simon bring him all the information on the nanobots in 48 hours or he’ll kill her. Rather than risk Simon, Vinaya decides she’ll use the nanobots to look like him and make the drop. The former drill sergeant and a team will accompany her to the exchange. They get to some remote place in Europe or Africa or whatever. As they’re making the exchange, Vinaya manages to turn the tables on them and with her team get their boss back.

Except it was a trick! During this exchange, the masked man took Simon and Gita. In a gloating video he reveals himself to be some former rival from Vinaya’s con man days.

Vinaya returns home, devastated to have lost her husband and daughter. Her boss comforts her as best she can and promises they’ll get them back.

Vinaya visits her hacker friend, who doesn’t have anything on where the guy might have gone. Vinaya thinks about her former rival, trying to remember something she can use. She remembers he used to hang out at a certain pub in London and that he has a thing for Asian girls. So she changes herself into a young Asian girl and then gets a flight to London.

She trolls the pub, subtly finding out if the guy has been around. At the same time she’s looking for any clues on where her family might be. After a couple of nights the guy shows up and starts hitting on her. He offers to take her home and she agrees.

Except it’s a trap! He takes her instead to some warehouse, where he has Simon working on the nanobots. But having the real thing should expedite things, right?

Except it’s a trap! Vinaya was counting on him not really buying her act so she planned a surprise for him. She’s able to rescue Simon but in the confusion the bad guy is able to grab Gita. Vinaya tracks him down and there’s a standoff. Somehow Vinaya manages to distract him enough to get Gita and take the guy out.

They go home and Vinaya comforts her daughter. She decides to leave CHANCE at least temporarily to keep Gita safe. Simon is torn because he doesn’t want to abandon his research, but he eventually comes with her to ride off into the sunset.

Maybe someday I'll write the sequels.  Or not.  What do you think?

First Contact: The Next Generation

In 1996 I finished the first drafts of what later I called The Rebirth Trilogy:  First Contact, The Savior, and The Last Battle.  Was that the end of the story?  Not really.

I toyed with the idea of writing a second series.  Like Star Trek The Next Generation or more aptly the Robotech series, this series would be set years after the first trilogy.  It would involve the daughter of the main characters of the last series: Lisa Shaw and Jack Laurants.  The idea was that her parents had mysteriously disappeared and so she and some other people try to find them as the peace that has been holding through the galaxy starts to unravel from some new threat.

And eventually the new characters would probably find the old characters and they'd stop the bad guys.  Kind of like the new Star Wars trilogy only I wouldn't have to worry about actors getting old and/or dying.  That's definitely an advantage books have over movies.  Maybe after that trilogy I would have written another trilogy to really make it like Robotech with its three generations.

I'd like to tell you more about it, but I don't know what happened to the notes or anything.  I mean it was about 23 years ago and any files I had were formatted for the word processor I used to have, so even if I could find them I couldn't open them.

Like the other two this week I got busy with college and working part-time and all that so I didn't really have tons of time for writing.  I think the reason I switched to writing Transformers fanfics was that I didn't want to work on anything too serious.  But then I wound up pretty much working on nothing at all until I graduated in June 2000.

Transformers Xenophobia: The Lost Sequels

Before The Skyfire Adventures, I wrote a fanfic novel called Transformers: Xenophobia.  A few people on the Internet at that time had written fanfics where the Autobots lost the war like the comic book issue #67.  But I decided to take the opposite tack:  what happens after the Autobots and their human allies win?  Everyone lives Happily Ever After?  Ha, yeah, right.

The main basis for this was Timothy Zahn's Thrawn trilogy: Heir to the Empire, Dark Force Rising, and The Last Command.  In that the Rebels have won and formed the New Republic but Thrawn unites the Imperials and begins pushing to take back the Empire.

In my story the Autobots and humans have won and killed Megatron in the process.  Since humans were never great at fighting Transformers, I made them good at building starships that help the Autobots defeat the Decepticons in space.

Not long after the Autobots and humans win, some humans start feeling like the Autobots are conquerors, not liberators.  And they start working to drive the Autobots from the planet by staging riots that turn violent.  And they work in secret to build essentially Veritechs, planes that transform into giant robots that look very much like Jetfire.

There were a couple of other things going on too.  Optimus Prime stepped down as leader after the war and there was an election for a new leader that's won by Hot Rod.  Except Hot Rod and some other Autobots were infected with a virus during the war and so he's not really very stable.  Optimus has meanwhile gone off on a trip to explore the far reaches of space, where he and his escort find some new source of energy.

There are some Decepticons left that are reunited by Megatron's secret consort, who during the war was a secret agent working with Jetfire on a way to create new sparks sort of like human breeding.  They were successful in creating their own "daughter," but the project got shut down before they could try to do it again.

The consort along with Bugly and some other lesser characters I liked bring the remnants of the Decepticons back together.  A crux of their plan is to find a new energy source.  And it happens that the consort's "daughter" is the one who was with Optimus and tells her mother about what they found.

When the first story ended there were still a lot of moving pieces for sequels.  But like The Skyfire Adventures I just didn't have time and energy with college and working part-time.  And there wasn't a big response to the first one.  So I wrote a prologue and maybe a couple of chapters of the sequel but then didn't get any farther.

Here's a description I wrote for the second story that was supposed to be called Spoils of War:

Spoils of War is the sequel to Transformers:  Xenophobia and picks up about two weeks later.  In this Transformers universe the humans and Autobots, victorious over the Decepticons, have been divided by racial hatred and paranoia.  The Decepticons, led by the evil consort of Megatron, Omitron, are rebuilding an army and are preparing to restore the Decepticon Empire to glory.  Now a wormhole to another galaxy has been discovered.  More importantly, this galaxy contains a large supply of nucleon, a powerful, but unstable energy source.  Now the humans, Autobots, and Decepticons race to be the first to get the nucleon and harness its power.  To the victor will go...The Spoils of War!

What was supposed to happen in the second book was that everyone would race to get the nucleon.  And of course no one trusts each other so there'd be some big fight between Autobots, Decepticons, and humans.  Meanwhile Jetfire has been captured by a race of Transformers who control the nucleon.  He would try to escape and warn everyone about the real threat.

In the third book then the Autobots, Decepticons, and humans have to band together to fight the alien Transformers and their nucleon-powered weapons.  Eventually some would die and others would live.  I have no idea anymore about who would live or die, but it'd be epic! 

Like everything from that time it's not great in terms of grammar, but I think it's a fun story.  Better than anything Michael Bay's movies did.  It'd be nice to finish it someday, but what would be the point?  It's just a fanfic, so there wouldn't be money.

Here's the 3500-ish words of the Prologue.  Try to ignore the bad writing.

Prologue

A single white dwarf star brightened the murky blackness of the space all around the small courier ship. Camshaft saw the system’s single planet in the viewscreen and called up information on the system. Billions of years ago it had been as hospitable as the Solar System, probably possessing multiple worlds. However, the medium-size star had devoured all but one as it grew into a red giant. Eventually the star had been unable to support its size and contracted into a small, hot white dwarf. The only remaining world was at the outer edge of the system and careened along a chaotic orbit due to the loss of gravity from the star’s shrinkage. Halfway between the star and its satellite was what Camshaft was interested in: a large platform that was a Vulcan-class engineering station.

"Red Wing, this is Vulcan, we have you on our sensors and you are cleared to dock," the platform called to Camshaft’s ship. Beside him, the young Autobot pilot of the ship named Rapido grunted.

"I don’t see why we are out in the middle of nowhere to rendezvous with an engineering station," Rapido complained.

"It may not look like much right now, but eventually this will be the site of the Autobot’s greatest triumph," Camshaft replied.

"What do you mean?"

"You’ll find out soon enough." Rapido and Camshaft were the only two on board the ship which had left their home of Cybertron over a week ago. The courier ship docked with the station and the airlock mated with that of the platform and then opened. Camshaft hurriedly left the ship, leaving Rapido to shut it down. Just inside the airlock he met two of his comrades: Downshift and Grapple.

"Nice hiding place," Camshaft commented. "Nothing worthwhile anywhere nearby to attract attention. Just how did you get this monstrosity out here, though?"

Grapple, Cybertron’s premiere architect, smiled. "The Vulcan-class platforms were meant to be portable so they could be moved if an enemy broke through the lines and discovered them. Thus they’re able to transform into a crude starship complete with a hyperdrive."

"I see," Camshaft replied as they walked down dark, narrow corridors towards the operations center of the station. He looked over at Downshift and asked, "How’d you get it here? These things are obviously pretty valuable."

"Not as much as you might think. The mobile platforms were decommissioned after the war because there wasn’t a need for production away from an orbital shipyards. Grapple and I got this one liberated from a storehouse with some help from a few friends. We created some papers to cover our tracks that show that this unit was scrapped for parts and its remains sent to Junkion."

The three Autobots got in an elevator that took them up to the operations center of the station. It was a large, diamond-shaped room with a holographic operations table on the left side, various computer terminals on the right, and the helm and propulsion stations at the front for when the station needed to move. Downshift led them to the left side and they sat down at a conference table. Camshaft immediately asked, "So, what’s your status?"

Downshift, in command of the station, replied, "We’re nearly operational. Most of the heavy machinery is on-line and the rest will be in a day. Grapple’s engineering teams arrived yesterday and are going over the plans."

Grapple nodded and continued, "We estimate five years minimum for this project to be completed. With all of Cybertron’s resources it would take at least three, but since we’re doing this in secret we aren’t going to have the ‘Bots and materials to do this quickly."

"That’s about what I expected. I doubt that Optimus’s discovery will remain secret for that long…"

"Camshaft, there's a message for you. It's sender won't identify itself but indicated that it was urgent," Rewind, the communications officer of the station, told Camshaft excitedly.

"Is there somewhere private I can take this?" He asked Grapple.

"Sure. I'll show you to my office." Grapple led Camshaft out of the room and up an elevator to a smaller level which was made up of five offices. Grapple's was at the end of the corridor and was the largest one. Inside Camshaft saw that it was littered with plans, technical readouts, and computer disks. A couple of crooked pictures showed some of Grapple's greatest Cybertronian masterpieces in all their glory. "Sorry about the mess, I haven't had much time to move in yet."

"I understand. I shouldn't be long." Grapple nodded and left. Camshaft sat at his desk and activated the computer terminal. "This is Camshaft, please identify yourself."

The screen turned from mutely showing the symbol of the United Cybertronian Government to showing the face of a human male that was a few years past middle age. "Sorry about the secrecy, but I didn't want anyone to find out I was calling."

"I sympathize with you, President Chandler. How is it that you were able to locate me?"

"I just arrived on Avalon and Captain Hunter told me that some of your people had made contact with him. I took a chance that you would be here, wherever you are."

"I don't really want to say, not right now anyway. What can I do for you?"

"As you know, relations with the UCG since Rodimus took over have been icy. You seem a bit more reasonable, so I wanted to contact you and see if I could interest you in coming here."

"I see. What would this meeting be about?"

"I don't really want to say, not right now anyway. It has to do with the future of both our peoples."

Camshaft thought for a few moments and looked at the former president of the Terran Confederation's face. Optimus Prime had forged an alliance and a friendship with Raymond Chandler and together they had managed to push the Decepticon menace to the verge of extinction. If Optimus could trust Chandler, could Camshaft do no less? "I'll be there in about two weeks. I look forward to meeting you in person."

"As do I. Safe journey." The connection ended and Camshaft hurried from Grapple's office. He went down to the operations center and stopped Rapido just as he was rushing into the room.

"Get the ship warmed up, we'll be heading out for Avalon right away."

Rapido sighed, "I just got the ship powered down. What's this Avalon place anyway?"

"It's a mystical paradise from human mythology, but more importantly it's where the human defectors are building a new colony," Camshaft replied impatiently.

"Oh. Do we have the coordinates in the computer?"

"Never mind that, I'll get them before I leave." Rapido nodded and left slowly. Camshaft turned and found Downshift and Grapple.

"What was that about?" Downshift asked.

"President Chandler called me and asked for a meeting on Avalon. I'll be leaving right away to meet with him."

"I wonder what he wants?" Grapple questioned.

"He said it was important to both our races. I guess I'll find out. I should be back in a couple of months to see how you're doing."

"I'll look forward to it," Downshift replied and shook his friend's hand. Camshaft smiled and left, hoping that this wasn't the last time he would see his friends again.

***

"We're coming up on the wormhole," Chromedome reported on board the Striking Eagle.

"Any signs of the two ships assigned to guarding it?" Arcee, the cruiser's captain asked nervously.

"Nothing conclusive, but some signs of wreckage."

"Any ion trails?"

"Nothing."

"The 'Cons must have covered their tracks." Arcee stood up and thought for a moment. "All right, take us through the wormhole. As soon as we're through, put shields up and ready all weapons. Be sure to call Landmine and tell him to have the Raptors ready to go."

"Yes, sir." Chromedome replied. Arcee knew that going through the wormhole was dangerous, especially since there could be Decepticons on the other side. Optimus Prime had assigned two ships to guard the wormhole, and since neither was present, she had to assume the Decepticons had taken them out. She resumed her seat and prayed to the Matrix that she wouldn't be staring down a fleet of Decepticon warships on the other end of the wormhole.

"Nucleon levels are off the scale," Bugly reported on the Decepticon frigate Imperium.

"Excellent. Where are the readings centered?"

"The second planet of the system."

"Tell the rogues to head for that world immediately. Once they arrive, they are to transport down to the surface and begin collecting samples of nucleon crystals as well as securing the planet."

"What about us?"

"We will wait in orbit until they are gone. Then we will take their ship and wait for them to return and protect the planet from any trespassers."

Bugly smiled and sent a message to the rogue Autobot ship. Ultra Magnus was less than enthusiastic about abandoning his ship, but cooperated. He knew that the only way that the rogues could defeat their brethren was to work with Omitron. However, Bugly knew that it wouldn't be long before the rogues were at the end of their usefulness. With the construction of about forty new bodies for Decepticon sparks, the rogues would be a liability once the nucleon was recovered.

There was a flash of green and then the Striking Eagle was redeposited in normal space. "Report!" Arcee called out.

"One frigate and one heavily modified Autobot ship are on a course for the second planet," Red Alert reported.

"Shields are up, weapons ready, and Landmine reports that the Aerialbots are on standby if you need them."

Arcee thought for a moment. The Striking Eagle was a powerful warship, probably more so than either of the enemy vessels, but not compared to both. Plus there had to be Decepticons and rogue Autobots on those ships. If they were after the nucleon then they probably outnumbered the Raptors and crew. The Decepticons had not detected the Striking Eagle yet, which meant there was still time to retreat back to Autobot space.

"Pull us back through the wormhole. We'll send off a message to Cybertron for reinforcements once we're through," Arcee commanded.

"Then what?"

"Then we go back after them."

***

It was yet another unproductive meeting, Prowl mused. He and several other United Cybertronian Government leaders were sitting in the main conference room of the central command building in Iacon. Since Rodimus Prime had taken power, the meetings every three days had been achieving nothing. Rodimus seemed not to care about anything other than hunting down Decepticons. He ignored issues about internal matters like taxes, building projects, and settling disputes between colonies. After the election, and his failed bid for president, Prowl had taken the job of monitoring all Cybertronian colonies and informing Rodimus about any problems on the many worlds in the government's possession. It was a definite step down, but it kept him within the power structure of the government, which was critical to helping Camshaft and the others in their secret construction of a second Ark.

In this meeting Prowl had tried to alert Rodimus of a possible war between Isis III and Hermes II. Rodimus had interrupted Prowl in the middle of his explanation and curtly ordered a pair of UCG ships be deployed to the area and that both colonial governors be removed from office. Then he had simply moved on with the agenda, half-listening to the department heads and giving orders without much thought. It seemed that only when the Decepticons were involved did Rodimus really start to perk up.

"What about our efforts in locating the Decepticons?" Rodimus asked.

Springer, the Minister of Defense, was about to answer when the door burst open. An excited courier handed Springer a message and he frowned. "It looks like we've found the Decepticons. The Striking Eagle reports that the Decepticons have gone through a wormhole and are going after a large store of nucleon."

The rest of the room gasped, save for Rodimus, who looked unmoved. "Order all available ships around Cybertron to prepare to move out. We'll be leaving as soon as I get aboard."

"I'll go with you," Springer said. Arcee was aboard the Eagle and he wasn't about to let her die alone out there.

"Excellent. Prowl, you'll be in charge while we're gone."

Prowl nodded, but objected, "Sir, isn't leaving Cybertron virtually undefended dangerous?"

"Not as dangerous as Decepticons having nucleon. It should only be for a month or so, just take some ships off our borders with the humans and reassign them here." Prowl was about to protest, but Rodimus was on his feet and leaving the room. Prowl watched him go and sighed. Only he and Bumblebee, the director of Intelligence, remained.

"Congratulations," Bumblebee said flatly.

"Thanks. What's the situation on the human border these days?"

"Their ships keep an eye on us and we keep an eye on them. They haven't made any significant movements lately or scheduled any exercises near our space. In other words things are as quiet as they can be."

"What do you think will happen if I start pulling ships from the line?"

"Probably nothing. The humans don't want to invade us, they just want to keep us away from them."

"Still, if we leave ourselves open, they could swallow some of our colonies along the border with no problem."

"I don't think that's likely, but it's possible. Still, you heard what Rodimus said."

"I know, I know." Prowl looked at the table for a few moments and then at his friend. "Bumblebee, I've known you for a long time, and I know that you're the best in the business when it comes to intelligence and spy stuff. There's something that I need you to do, something that is of the utmost importance for all of us."

Bumblebee looked intrigued and leaned forward in his seat. "What is it?"

"Find Optimus Prime. I know he doesn't want to be found, but if anyone can locate him, it's you."

"If Prime doesn't want to be found, then I doubt anything could find him. He gave the Matrix to Hot Rod, he won't come back and take it from him."

"Maybe not, but I have a bad feeling we're going to need him here soon. You've seen Rodimus, all he cares about is finding the Decepticons. It's like he's on some kind of vendetta because of what they did to him."

Bumblebee frowned, "They did the same thing to Springer and I, as well as all the rogues, but you don't understand. That virus or whatever was planted in us made Hot Rod destroy thousands, maybe even millions of lives. He was in command, he was responsible for what we all did during the civil war and he knows it. Maybe he is on a vendetta, maybe he's out to bring the Decepticons to justice, but he isn't dangerous."

Prowl shook his head, "He's consumed with rage, so what happens after the last Decepticon has fallen, then what does he do? That's what I'm worried about and that's why we need Optimus here. If Rodimus comes back and wants to turn on the humans or even us, Optimus is the only one who can stop him."

"All right, I'll try, but I won't promise anything."

"Thank-you." Bumblebee nodded and left, leaving Prowl all alone in the conference room. These days it always seemed that he was alone. Kup had retired to some distant colony and most of his old comrades were either dead or dispersed across the galaxy. Kup had been right, the Autobot spirit was fading away.

***

"How are you planning on getting across the border?" Dr. Simon James asked.

The only other occupant of the small office, General Celia Marshall, smiled. "We're going to use the same way the Decepticons got in. We'll just go up to this point of the border and then into the virtually unexplored regions here. The Autobots don't keep ships in that area because they don't even have any colonies there," Marshall explained, pointing to locations on a star map.

"What about any Autobot ships we run into?"

"We'll disable them and leave them adrift. Command authorized me to destroy them, but I know how you feel about that."

"Don't disobey orders on my behalf," James snorted.

"It's not just because of you. I want to make this as bloodless as possible. We're just to obtain a supply of nucleon and take it back to Earth, not to provoke a war."

"Good. How long until we arrive at this wormhole?"

"Two weeks at most. Hopefully it'll be a quiet two weeks."

"Let's hope so."

"Now then, what about the Phoenixes?"

"We're ready to go. The pilots are familiar with the controls and have performed well in the simulators. It was a little tricky getting them to understand the transformation sequences, but I think they'll be able to hold their own in a fight."

"Excellent. We'll need them if something goes wrong, which it probably will. If you ask me it all seems a little too convenient."

"How so?"

"There hasn't been a sighting of nucleon in a long time, and now all the sudden we're picking up readings coming from some wormhole. It sounds like a trap: bait us with the nucleon and once we walk into it, destroy us."

"No one has the technology to fabricate wormholes or nucleon. I'm sure it's all a happy coincidence."

"Maybe. Still, we're going to have to go in prepared, especially if someone else beats us to it. If we detected the wormhole and nucleon, then it's highly likely someone else did too."

"Very likely. If the Autobots are there and are mining nucleon for themselves, what are our orders?"

"I don't know, Command didn't give any. They don't want us to provoke a war with the Autobots, but they want the nucleon. We'll just have to try and negotiate a settlement."

"And if that doesn't work?"

"Then we start a war."

***

It was unlike anything Jetfire had ever experienced before. The alien ship he had been riding in was more advanced than anything on Earth or Cybertron. He had woke up only hours ago, but his scans told him that the walls of his cell were made of a material that was only an inch thick and yet stronger than even the best Cybertronian alloys. A machine in the corner of the small room was actually able to synthesize energon from a mixture of basic elements. The top of the bed was composed of a soft material that would conform to his body to provide maximum comfort. Whoever his jailers were they had advanced technology and no wish to harm or torture their prisoners.

The door to his cell suddenly opened and a trio of the robotic insectoids that had captured him stood there. Jetfire took a step forward and demanded, "What do you want with me?"

In perfect Cybertronian the lead insect replied, "We are taking you to our home. There it will be decided whether the children of Primus will be terminated or allowed to exist."

"Why do you keep speaking of the 'children of Primus'? How do you know who he is?"

"I am not allowed to explain that to you. The Conclave will tell you all that you need to know once we arrive."

"Then why are you here?"

"We wanted to check on you and see if you had regained consciousness. We are sorry that we had to damage you, but we strictly ordered that any children of Primus must be taken alive and to the Conclave immediately. We were overzealous in our duties."

"Thank-you. Maybe once I meet this Conclave I can straighten things out. In the meantime, I don't suppose you can explain how you're able to synthesize energon?"

"Negative. If you are permitted to live, then perhaps there will be time on the return trip."

"I'm looking forward to it," Jetfire replied and the door closed. He sighed and sat down on the bed. Escape had only fleetingly crossed his mind before, but now he knew that he had to stay. If he didn't meet this Conclave then perhaps all of Cybertron would be destroyed. He wasn't sure who these aliens were or how they knew about the Cybertronian god Primus, who had created all Transformers millions of years ago, but he hoped that he would soon find out. Everything was counting on it.

The Skyfire Adventures: The Lost Episodes

Back in 1997-1998 I wrote a series of Transformers fanfics called The Skyfire Adventures.  The inspiration was I had created a little patch for the Doom video games where your weapons and face would look like a character I came up with:  Skyfire, a Beast Wars version of the Autobot Jetfire (himself a copy of the Veritechs used in Macross/Robotech.)  Instead of a jet fighter, I made Skyfire a bald eagle.  Maybe I have a picture of it somewhere.  I don't, but here's a cover I threw together.  Just imagine Jetfire with brown feathers over most of his body and an eagle head instead of a plane nose and that's basically how he'd look.

Anyway, the first story I wrote was a Beast Wars/Doom crossover where Skyfire finds the crashed Maximal ship from the TV show that's then attacked by Doom monsters.  In saving the Maximals, he winds up beamed across the galaxy to some other planet.  In the second story then Skyfire finds a crashed Autobot shuttle.  Inside are a lot of his old comrades:  Wheeljack, Grapple, Beachcomber, Skids, and Perceptor--all engineering/science types.  They were on an exploratory trip after the war with the Decepticons was won when their ship was attacked by Shockwave and crashed.  Or whatever.  They're all offline but with some help from the planet's inhabitants, he's able to get them functioning again

Eventually Skyfire and the Autobots get a new ship and start to head back to their home of Cybertron, but like Star Trek Voyager it would be a trip that would take a long, long time.  Fortunately they're all robots who can essentially live forever.

In the third story I introduced this thing that allowed Skyfire to not just change into an eagle, but also into Jetfire--and Jetfire's Veritech mode.  Which would have been awesome if the toys could do that but I think it would be really hard.  They've come close with Punch/Counterpunch but this was more advanced.  There was also the Predacon Scarecrow (who turned into, wait for it, a crow) who merged with Shockwave and so he could be either Scarecrow or Shockwave depending.

The fourth story then is where it picked up with a three-story arc.  In the movie there was the evil Unicron, a giant Transformer who ate worlds.  And in the comics Unicron's brother was called Primus and he became Cybertron and created the Transformers.  But who created them?

In the fourth story Skyfire and company arrive at a planet to find another race of Transformers there.  Their leader was named Hippolyta (like the character from Greek mythology and also Wonder Woman's mom) and she and Skyfire fell in love.  Meanwhile Skids had been thrown forward into the future by a few days, where he found everyone dead.  How?  Why?

It turns out the planet is actually the body for Primus/Unicron's daddy.  He finally awakens and transforms to kill all the offspring he thinks are unworthy or whatever.  In the next two stories Skyfire and his crew work with Hippolyta and her people to kill the bad guy.

The crux of this storyline was that there wasn't just one Matrix like in the cartoon/comics where it was the Matrix of Leadership or Creation.  Long, long ago there were 12 Matrices and each one had its own special ability.  (Hasbro sort of usurped this for the Power of the Primes toys where there were 12 Primes, each with some different skill.)

One Matrix was the one from the movie/TV/comics that was on Earth or Cybertron or whatever.  A second Matrix was held by Hippolyta as the leader of her people.  She used that to destroy the bad guy.  Hooray!  She should have died, but like Hot Rod in the movie she got a new body--an Autobot body so she could go with Skyfire.

The plan was that there would be six more stories that would involve Skyfire and company looking for the rest of the Matrices.  They would separate into a few different groups with at least one story focusing on each small group to give some of the more neglected characters a chance to shine before coming together for the finale.  Buuuuut, I only wrote one story and then just threw together a final thing that wasn't very good.

What happened?  Life, mostly.  I was in college and working part-time and so there wasn't always a lot of time for writing stuff.  And that old bugaboo:  not many people seemed to be reading what I had already written.  And this was long before Amazon KDP and they were fanfics, so I couldn't make money off them.  When push came to shove in life, what do you think got left by the wayside?  Yeah, exactly.

And since it's been 21 years it's not likely I'm going to go and finish those.  Really I'd have to start over from scratch.  But again they're fanfics so I can't really make money off them.  Thus, what would be the point?

I do think one of the main reasons I liked IDW's Lost Light series was because it was in some ways similar to The Skyfire Adventures.  There were even some of the same characters like Skids!  Also in the IDW comics there was another planet of Transformers led by a female (Windblade) so I think they pretty much usurped all of my best ideas.

BTW, this was just one of at least three abandoned stories/series in this time period.  The rest of the week we'll cover the other two!

The Debt Collector

Here's another idea I've had but haven't really done anything with.  It's inspired by working at a debt collection agency and a lot of cheap straight-to-Redbox action movies featuring Bruce Willis or Nicolas Cage.

So the idea is there's a guy I'll call Frank after Frank Castle, the Punisher.  (And maybe Frank Grillo, who'd be good to star in a movie version.)  Frank works at a debt collection agency after a couple of tours in the Marines.  He's had some PTSD issues that cost him his wife and kid and home all that.

One day Frank is answering the phones when he gets a call from a lady we'll call Eve, like Adam and Eve or whatever.  Eve pleads with him that she needs more time to pay because she has issues and needs to fix stuff around the house and so on and so on.  Frank can't officially do anything for her, but he's moved to go to her house and help her with some repairs and stuff.

Frank and Eve are hitting it off, as are Frank and Eve's kid.  Frank feels like his life is finally coming back together.  But then some Russian gangster or whatever has his thugs raid the house to take the kid to hold for ransom.  Frank tries to stop them but they take him by surprise and knock him out.

When Frank wakes up, Eve confesses that her ex-husband has money--and some shady connections.  They go to see him but he's an asshole who doesn't really care about the kid.  Not enough to pay the ransom.

So it falls to Frank to take on the gangsters and get the kid back.  Which he'd do in a violent, gory way until he kills the main gangster.  And then probably beats the shit out of the ex-husband too.  Or maybe we can arrange it so he gets killed too.

Frank, Eve, and the kid then go off to live their best life.  Hooray!

I came really close to starting this one time but then I saw some straight-to-Redbox movie with the same title, though I think the concept was probably not extremely similar.  It's about mob collectors, not regular ones.

The Cheese King of Pinconning

Here's the first story idea I've sort of thought about but haven't really done anything with.  The idea came to me when driving to Saginaw and I saw a sign for Pinconning cheese.  They're world famous--or at least state famous--for their cheese.  And having watched a lot of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax on Pluto TV I thought of a second meaning for my title.

So there's some guy I'll call Mike (after MST3K writer & host Michael J Nelson who also founded Rifftrax and is from Wisconsin) who lives in Pinconning with some buddies and he has like a YouTube show or whatever where he critiques cheesy movies and stuff with his buddies.

Then one day a new girl moves to town.  We'll call her Bridget after Michael J Nelson's wife who also wrote for MST3K and does some Rifftrax work.  Bridget thinks Mike's show is cool and they start kind of hitting it off.  Mike confesses that he'd really like to go to film school and make movies one day instead of just talking about them.

Eventually they hear about some film festival and Bridget encourages Mike to make a movie to enter it.  Which he does, hoping to impress her.  Then with his buddies he starts making a movie but of course it winds up looking like some horrible Ed Wood production.  They go to the film festival for the screening and it's kind of like The Disaster Artist where they screen The Room and everyone starts cracking up and at first Mike is hurt, but Bridget tells him that he made something special.

Mike doesn't win the festival (obviously) but he meets a guy named Joel (after MST3K creator Joel Hodgson) who offers to buy the film and distribute it on his MST3K-type show on Netflix.  And with the money Mike could go to film school--but he'd have to leave behind his buddies and Bridget.  So maybe he decides to stay in town and take classes online or something.

I'm not sure I could really write this because when I try to write something light or comedic it usually winds up skewing too dark.  If I did I'd probably change the title city.  Maybe just call it Cheese King of Wisconsin or something like that so I don't get anyone whining that my Pinconning isn't like the real thing or whatever.

Storypalooza Returns!

Two years ago I did what I called "Storypalooza" (for lack of a better name) where I dug up some old ideas (and maybe a few newer ones) and discussed them and created a makeshift cover.  It probably wasn't fun for readers (but what is?) but it was fun for me (the main reader) and so I thought I'd do it again.  Though I'm not sure I'll be able to fill out the rest of the month or year or anything.  I just feel like doing something more creative than complaining about movies or TV or books or whatever.  So sue me.  Or, you know, just don't read it like most people do most of the time.  Here were covers from 2017:

The madness starts on Wednesday!

The Eternal Struggle Between Shows and Viewers

On Wednesday Michael Offutt blogged about how most of the Game of Thrones prequel series in development had been canceled.  And as Al Sirois would say, mass not giving a shit ensued.  At least from most people.

The reason for this brings me back to something I tweeted when someone said that everyone thought GOT was high art.  I argued that it wasn't "high art;" it was a soap opera only with swords and dragons and stuff like that.  (And more nudity and incest than network soaps.)  Most people watched it for the same reason people watch soap operas:  to see who's going to hook up and who's going to get killed.  And now that people know, they don't really give a shit anymore.

This isn't anything new.  There's a long history in TV of where once you give the audience what it thinks it wants, they quit on the show.  Like I Dream of Jeannie or Lois and Clark where once they had the main characters get married, the show soon lost most of its audience.  Or Twin Peaks, once everyone found out who killed Laura Palmer, not that many people tuned in anymore.  How many people still give a crap about Lost now that the "mystery" was solved?

In a way a lot of shows and their viewers are locked in a bad relationship.  The show plays hard-to-get with some mystery, feeding the viewers just enough to keep them tuning in.  But once the show stops playing hard-to-get, a lot of the viewers ghost it.  Then showrunners and network execs cry because they thought viewers really loved their show when really they just wanted to know the solution to the mystery.

But there are still some who hang around.  I mean Better Call Saul doesn't have the same viewership or sizzle as Breaking Bad, but apparently it's enough to hang around for a while.  If they manage to get a GOT show together that will probably be the same: the die-hards will watch but the casual viewers won't.  For that reason HBO probably balked because of how much those shows would cost.

It makes me wonder what will happen to Star Wars now that "The Skywalker Saga" is over.  The latest trilogy performed well at the box office but in part because it could trade off the nostalgia with familiar faces.  What happens if they try more movies set in the Old Republic or long after "The Skywalker Saga" where they can no longer play the nostalgia card?

Food for thought on All Saint's Day.