Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Spider-Girl

I wasn't really going out of my way to get a Spider-Girl; I was actually trying to get the rest of the pieces for the Abomination Build-a-Figure I had parts of.  A seller on eBay had a couple of the parts I needed.  He also had a special where if you bought 2 things you got a third free.  Since I was already buying 2 things, I might as well get the third thing for free, right?  I looked through his inventory and saw a loose Spider-Girl Marvel Legends figure and so for the hell of it got that for my 3rd item.  She might not technically have been the free one but whatever.



I've seen her in a few comics, both the Ultimate Marvel universe and the regular one.  She's a different character than Jessica Drew, aka Spider-Woman, though obviously they both have spider powers.  Spider-Girl has what looks like the 80s symbiote suit Spider-Man wore, only I don't think hers is a symbiont.   

I was Googling for a comic book picture and found someone's much more comprehensive review of the figure if you want to know more about it.

Other than a Build-a-Figure piece, I'm not sure what she was supposed to come with.  Just the figure is good enough for me.

Monday, December 28, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Green Lantern

Since green is my color, I always thought Green Lantern was pretty cool, even if I didn't read the comics or anything.  Though back in the 80s I'm pretty sure I had the Green Lantern Super Powers figure.  

So back in 2013 or so when I saw the DC Multiverse All Star Green Lantern figure, I thought he was pretty cool.  He didn't really have any accessories or anything except maybe a Build-a-Figure piece, but he's a good representation of the classic Hal Jordan Green Lantern--the comics version, not the Ryan Reynolds movie version.




He's pretty basic and isn't the easiest to stand, but otherwise if you want a Hal Jordan figure for not a lot of money, he was about as good as it gets.  I forget if I got him from the Sterling Heights Meijer or the Clinton Township KMart.  One of those.

Around the same time I also got the Sinestro Corps Sinestro.  He doesn't stand great either, but he did come with a yellow lantern, which I think is more than Green Lantern.  Just saying.

Friday, December 25, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Call of Duty Tunnel Rat Guy

Merry XMas!

I know this Call of Duty guy has a real name, but I just think he looks sort of like Tunnel Rat, the GI JOE character from back in 1987, who was based on comic book writer Larry Hama.  I just saw the Call of Duty guy in the clearance bin of my local Walmart as part of my usual rummaging--back when that was still possible.  The price had gone down to $5 so I decided to buy him.  YOLO!



Maybe it's not a really close resemblance, but whatever.  That's just what I thought of.


Since I never played Call of Duty I don't know how much he actually looks like the character in the game.  The articulation and stuff is decent for a video game figure--especially one I got for $5.

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Noxin (Lightseeker Bad Guy)

This is part of a failed toy line called Lightseekers.  I had never heard of it but they had plenty of them at Ollie's stores near me.

The gimmick for these toys was there was a phone app that the figure would connect to.  And you could buy upgrades to the figure to make it more powerful in the game.  For instance the sword Bat-guy wields was sold separately.  There was also a module to make him talk and light up.  And there was a bat backpack to make him fly or whatever.



If you bought all this stuff at regular price on Amazon it would be like $42, kind of a crass way to fleece kids, which apparently they didn't fall for.  Buying all that stuff from Ollie's, it was probably less than $20 altogether.  I didn't buy it all at once either; I bought the figure and then the other stuff at other times I was at Ollie's.  Except since I don't have the phone app game he doesn't really do much.  He did briefly light up and say shit, but then it stopped working.  I don't know what happened.

At Ollie's they had a couple of the good guys too.  One had a triceratops head and another was a fish or something stupid like that.  I didn't really like those.  The bad guy looked way more awesome.  I mean he's got the horns and sword and the bat.  Way better.  If you want to see the others you can look them up on Amazon.

As far as action figures go he doesn't do a whole lot.  The arms move in all directions and the head moves  a little but that's about it.  So long as you don't jostle him too much he stands pretty well; the bat backpack and voice module probably help for counterbalancing him.  He's more in the 7-8-inch range so he's bigger than most of my action figures; he's more Transformers Voyager-class size.

Since I haven't been to Ollie's in 9 months they might still have some of these lying around.  Or not.

Monday, December 21, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Fortnite Firefly Guy

I guess his real name is "Havoc" but when I saw him, I thought he really looked like the old GI JOE villain Firefly.  I mean the gray camouflage with the ski mask thing looks pretty much the same.  



Firefly--the GI JOE figure, not the TV show

The Fortnite guy is pretty cool, though his hands are really annoying.  The four fingers all move together, which can be annoying to get them to close around his weapons.  The other weird thing is instead of having completely different heads, you can take the front of the head off and change expressions or have his face without the mask.  It's kind of weird.

I think he is actually a recolor of another Fortnite guy who has a brown leather jacket and yellow mask.  That wouldn't really do all that much for me.  If they recolored this guy green he could be the GI JOE character Beachhead--just saying.  I have seen an actual Beachhead figure on Amazon but he's too expensive right now for me to buy to do a comapre/contrast with this guy.

Friday, December 18, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Marvel Goth Girl

 Seriously, I don't know her name.  I threw away the box a long time ago, though I could probably look it up online.  She was part of the Dr. Strange wave of figures I think.  I saw her in the clearance aisle of Walmart in Walled Lake for like $10 and just thought she looked neat.  I mean she looks sort of like some of the Goth girls I've had in some of my Eric Filler stories.  Except I guess she has some kind of magic powers.  I mean she has that big old wand with purple stuff on it.  So that's something.




The purple stuff actually falls off the staff thing pretty easily, so it's kind of annoying.  She isn't the easiest to stand, so another one who was a candidate to put in one of my new stands.  That's really all I can say about that.


Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Action Figures I Like: The Scarlet Knight

I already wrote an entry (or maybe more than one) about my creation of a Scarlet Knight action figure.  Back in 2013 I took a Marvel Legends Hope Summers figure and repainted her red with a yellow cape, hands, and boots.  The result isn't perfect, but to this point I haven't really found another figure to try to replicate the experiment.

The first version I made was the yellow cape, which is Emma Earl's costume from books 1-7.  Then for the hell of it I made a silver cape/hands/feet version that represents Emma's new costume in book 8.  

As far as the Hope Summers figure goes, it's not bad looking.  The raggedy cape isn't really what Emma would wear and she's not exactly wearing armor.  But whatever.  Close enough!



A side experiment I did was to take a 3.5-inch Black Widow figure and put her head on an old Dana Sterling Robotech figure.  Then I fashioned a cape out of an old sock.  Close enough!

Monday, December 14, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Scarlett

Hasbro already had six-inch Marvel figures and Star Wars figures, so six-inch GI JOE figures seems like something that was long overdue.  And since they were starting a new line, it made sense to do a lot of the classic characters:  Duke, Snake Eyes, Roadblock, and Scarlett.  Duke looked too much like Channing Tatum, Roadblock was the sort of lame second version of his costume, and Snake Eyes sold out too quick, so I wound up getting Scarlett.  Which is fine because I like Scarlett.



For the first batch of figures this isn't bad.  She doesn't have any really big problems with the face or costume or articulation.  Probably the most annoying thing is the crossbow can come apart really easily.  Her legs are kind of thick, which does help her stand.  For some reason they put a couple of bright yellow spots in her hair that I guess are supposed to be highlights.

I did eventually get Snake Eyes for a reasonable price, but I don't like him as much.  He's a good likeness and everything, but they didn't give him a wolf!  That seems like a huge oversight despite how well done the rest of him is.

Friday, December 11, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Batman (Legends of the Dark Knight Walmart Exclusive Version)

I have a bunch of Batman figures and there are literally hundreds more of them you can buy, but the first 6-7-inch figure I bought was the Legends of the Dark Knight Batman that was I think exclusive to Walmart.  As you can tell by looking at it, this figure is from the late 90s.  I mean it has that huge Spawn-style cape and those accentuated Kelley Jones-inspired horns on the head.  It's extreme, brah!



Compared to later figures he isn't that great as he doesn't have a lot of articulation; just the shoulders and upper legs move.  I think what drew me to this back in the 90s is that the rest of the line all had stupid gadgets and gizmos but this was pretty much just a normal Batman in the old blue-and-gray.  I think the Batarang is the one he came with, but it's been so long, who can really say?  

The good thing about that huge Spawn-style cape is it helps give him some counterbalance to stand him up.  And since I bought it like 23 years ago, it was probably a lot less than most figures that size today.

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Superman (McFarlane Action Comics #1000 Version)

When I first saw the new McFarlane DC Multiverse toys at Walmart, the one that really caught my eye was the Superman Action Comics #1000 figure.  I mean there are already enough Batman and Harley Quinn figures that you didn't need another one, but I didn't have a normal Superman.  It really captures the classic look of Superman as in issue #1000 they brought back the red trunks.  Not that I really missed them, but still they are part of the classic costume.



More than that the figure has great detail and is really poseable.  But the coolest thing to me is the stand that allows you to make it look like he's flying.  You can stand him up if you want, but I would much rather have him flying.  Other than a pair of hands and the stand he didn't come with anything else, but I still think he was worth the price.  He is a really super figure--pun intended.

Monday, December 7, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter Version)

I had a couple of Wonder Woman figures already.  One was the New 52 version and then from Five Below I got Wonder Woman and regular Diana from the 2017 movie.  But then one day on Amazon I saw they had the Lynda Carter TV show version on sale for pretty cheap so I bought it.

Back when it first started in the early 90s, FX used to show Wonder Woman along with the Adam West Batman show.  So I watched some of the reruns back then and I had probably watched some back in the 80s.  And since it took DC/WB so long to get their shit together for a Wonder Woman movie, Lynda Carter was the de facto Wonder Woman for about 30 years.


For what I paid this was a good buy.  The likeness is really great with the face and hair and star-spangled underoos.  The only criticism is the elbow joints are a little wonky; if you use too much pressure you could break her arm right off.  

It comes with a stand with a half-dozen different pegs to pose her different ways--or in my case I put a couple of Wonder Women on there.  She comes with a big red-white-and-blue cape but I find it too cumbersome.

Friday, December 4, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Captain America (WWII Version)

Captain America has always been one of the comic book characters I liked.  So when I saw the Marvel Legends Captain America World War II variant on clearance for $10 at Meijer in Wixom like five years ago, of course I bought it.  


There have been plenty of other Captain America figures since then but I still like this one.  I like the World War II costume; it doesn't look as goofy as the classic one with the scales or whatever they're called and the white feathers on the head and stuff.  This looks more realistic--except it being blue with a star and red-and-white stripes.  

I made a little addition to him by putting goggles from the Solo Chewbacca figure on his head.  He rides a motorcycle and stuff, so goggles would be a good thing for him to have, right?  Since it's an old figure it doesn't really look like Chris Evans but with most of his face covered it doesn't matter much.



I recently bought the more updated World War II version that came in a two-pack with Peggy Carter.  That one has the first shield he used and his original helmet and stuff.  The face looks a lot more like Chris Evans and there's a lot of good detail, but it's more a Steve Rogers figure than a Captain America figure with most of the costume covered.  So I like the other one better.

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Beta Ray Bill

I haven't read tons of Thor comics, so I don't know a lot about Beta Ray Bill.  I know he's an alien who got his own hammer and he's going to be in the upcoming movie and probably voiced by Christian Bale.  Still, I really like weird characters and there's not much weirder than a horse-looking guy with a Thor costume who also is named Beta Ray Bill.  So when they finally came out with a Marvel Legends figure, I watched it closely on Amazon for a while and finally pounced when it wasn't too expensive.

I'm not sure how comic book exact he is, but he seems like it to me.  The one thing I really like about him is that his mouth opens and closes, which isn't something that happens with most other figures.



His hammer is kind of unwieldy but with a little effort he can stand all right.  I keep him next to Thor and Loki on my shelf.

Monday, November 30, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Thor (Marvel 80th Anniversary Edition)

Thor isn't one of my favorite characters, but I don't dislike him either.  I didn't have a Thor figure, but then at Meijer in Wixom they had this 80th Anniversary version of Thor on clearance for only $12.50, so I snapped it up.



He is a really comic book accurate, so he doesn't look like Chris Hemsworth.  The detail is really good; it even has the whole mantra written on his hammer!  They even did a nice job with the box featuring artwork by Alex Ross.

If you're only going to have one Thor and not spend like $100 or more on some really fancy figure, this is the one to get.

BTW, it's kind of a misnomer to say "80th Anniversary" because none of the Marvel characters we know has existed that long except Captain America and Sub-Mariner, back when it was Timely Comics.  I also got the Iron Man figure on clearance at Meijer for the same price.  It's I think based on the 70s/80s version more than the very original or movie version.  I don't really like it as much as Thor though.

Friday, November 27, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Lando Calrissian (Empire Strikes Back)

Lando was I think the second of the main characters from the original trilogy that I got.  I found him at the Ollie's in Farmington a couple of years ago.  It might have been intentional that he was in the very back of the row, like maybe someone was trying to save him until they could come back, so they tried to hide him behind a bunch of shitty Last Jedi figures.  Instead I snatched him up for a whole $6.



This is one of those where the newer technology Hasbro has started to use gives it a pretty good resemblance to Billy Dee Williams.  The clothes he's wearing are pretty spot-on too.  All he comes with is the blaster, but then I don't think there's much else they could have given him.

For $6 it was a good deal, not like the one he struck with Vader.

Here's my homemade shelf (a shallow Amazon box with the flaps cut off) with all the main good guy characters from the original trilogy, though the Chewie is the Solo version and the C3PO is the Force Awakens version and R2D2 is the Galaxy Adventures version that's kind of cheap-looking.  They came out wth a 40th Anniversary Empire Strikes Back R2D2 but spending $20 on a 3-inch droid seems pretty lame to me.  This is cheaper looking but came with a BB8 and that one from the last movie.  So close enough!  I still need to get a Vader at some point.  Maybe an Emperor and Obi-Wan and Wedge; I'd probably need a new box for that.



Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Hera Syndulla & Ahsoka Tano

Ahsoka Tano was actually the first of the Star Wars Black Series figures I ever bought.  I got it from Meijer in Wixom a few years ago.  I hadn't seen her on Rebels but I did like her in Clone Wars, so I just thought she looked cool and bought her.  I don't think she was even on sale, or if she was, it wasn't much.



This is a good representation of the adult Ahsoka from Rebels.  She has the two pale lightsabers that aren't quite as white as they were in the TV show.  The only thing I didn't like is her legs are really skinny, which makes her harder to stand.  She was definitely a good candidate for my little homemade stands made from discarded flavored sparkling water bottles.  It helps to give her a lot better balance.

A recent acquisition is Hera Syndulla, also from Rebels.  I guess there was a figure a couple of years ago, after the show began, but they recently reissued them.  I really liked Hera in the show, so I decided to pick her up off Amazon.



She's a good likeness--and that's about it.  I mean she doesn't really come with anything except a little blaster.  It would have been better if she came with Chopper, but I guess then they'd charge more for that.

Monday, November 23, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Pilot Luke Skywalker

It occurred to me a couple of years ago that while I had a couple of Star Wars figures, I didn't have any of the original ones:  Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, etc.  Then one day I was at Meijer in Wixom and they had the reissue of the pilot Luke Skywalker figure on clearance for only $10.  So that was the first of the original trilogy ones I bought.



I really like him because he's got good detailing for a figure originally issued in the early 2010s and he has the helmet, blaster, and lightsaber.  The pilot suit and lightsaber always make me think of the old SNES Empire Strikes Back video game where Luke wore that costume through most of the game and you could use the lightsaber or blaster as your weapons.  I beat that game a few times back in the 90s.

Friday, November 20, 2020

Action Figures I Like: AzBats & Bane

Today's figures are from the Knightfall storyline back in the early 90s.  That was where the evil Bane comes to Gotham, lets out most of Batman's enemies from Arkham, and then breaks Bruce Wayne's back.  Bruce then chooses Jean-Paul Valley, the former assassin Azrael to replace him.  Because he was Azrael and Batman, fans mash it together into AzBats.

The first AzBats I ever bought is the little one on the right in the picture.  That's the first suit Jean-Paul Valley makes.  The figure was part of the "Legends of Batman" series back in the mid-90s that was sold in a two-pack with Viking Batman--you know, Batman dressed like a Viking.


In 2013 the DC Multiverse line came out with a new AzBats figure, one that is based on the final suit Jean-Paul makes.  I pre-ordered the figure from Amazon because I was really hot to get it.  And I wasn't disappointed.  It is pretty sweet, with a good amount of detail for the time, including the bandoliers of darts or Batarangs or whatever they were supposed to be. 

The one problem as you can see in this old picture is that he doesn't stand very well.  He's really top-heavy, so that I usually had to bend his knees to get him to balance.  I wound up putting him on a cardboard stand with the older Azrael figure I bought a little later.

The AzBats figure came with a Build-A-Figure piece for Bane.  It was unfortunately a leg, not the head.  The head I bought later off eBay.  The weird thing is that the rest of the parts to make that Bane were more expensive than buying the 90s "Legends of the Dark Knight" figure.  The head of that figure looked really stupid with long brown hair sticking out.  

So I sawed the head off that figure and glued on the head from the AzBats series Build-A-Figure I got from eBay.  And while he isn't 100% accurate to the comics with the blue jeans, he's close enough.  Plus it's always neater when you make it yourself.  I mean no one else in the world has a Bane like that.  Just me.  So there.


Wednesday, November 18, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Azrael (White Knight Version)

This is my third of the new McFarlane line of DC Multiverse figures.  The weird thing is that McFarlane is owned by Todd McFarlane, the creator of the Spawn comics series published by Image (not DC) and who used to draw Spider-Man for Marvel. The McFarlane figures are bigger than the older Mattel ones (7 inches instead of 6) and they really have better detailing.

This is all really obvious with the Azrael figure.  It's from the recent Elseworlds miniseries Curse of the White Knight, which was the sequel to the White Knight series about the Joker going sane and seeming to become a good guy.  I haven't read the sequel, but apparently Azrael is brought into the mix.



Back in the early 90s, Azrael was created by Batman editor Denny O'Neil and future Marvel bigshot Joe Quesada as the latest in a line of assassins who serve the Order of St. Dumas.  The Azrael of the that time, Jean-Paul Valley, eventually stepped down from being Azrael and became Batman for a little while.  But then he became Azrael again before dying.

There was a DC Multiverse figure of that Azrael back in the 2000s or 2010s but it's not very good.  For some weird reason the head is permanently tilted down, so he's basically always looking at his feet.

So while this White Knight version isn't the same as the 90s one, it's a lot better.  The head isn't tilted down and there's a ton of detail.  The little cape strands are even flexible to move around.  The coolest feature is ironically the flame on his sword can be slid off to make it a regular sword.

If there's one complaint the figure's a little on the top-heavy side.  It makes him a little harder to stand, even on the included stand.  Still, overall it is an awesome figure and really the best version of Azrael that's commonly available.

Monday, November 16, 2020

Action Figures I Like: Batgirl of Burnside

I read the first couple of volumes of the Batgirl comics when she moved to trendy hipster Burnside and changed costumes, but I wasn't really a fan.  But I do like the costume.  The purple body with yellow accents is the same color scheme as the Yvonne Craig Batgirl in the old Adam West TV show, though the all-black cowl is different.  I like it better than the ones that basically look like Batman's costume only for a girl.

There was a DC Multiverse figure out years ago but the one I have isn't that.  It's a DC Essentials version, something only sold online not in stores like the other one ostensibly was--not that you could find most of them in stores.  On Amazon this version was actually cheaper than the other one, which was nice.  The Multiverse one looks more blue than purple anyway.



Burnside version on the left, Yvonne Craig version on the right


The figure has good articulation and I think it's a decent likeness.  The left foot looks a little weird a lot of the time, where the foot and upper part of the boot don't really seem to go together.  The hair is pretty good, though maybe it could be redder.

A year or so ago they changed her costume and there's a McFarlane figure of it but I don't like that one, at least from the neck up.  I mean that "mask" covers like 1% of her face and those stupid ears sticking up through her hair.  How is that going to conceal anything?  How does her father not recognize her in like two seconds?  Ugh.  It'd be better to take the body of that figure and the head of an older figure with the full cowl to look more like the costume in the comics back in the 70s and/or 80s, basically until she got shot by the Joker.

Friday, November 13, 2020

Coming Soon: Action Figures I Like!

 It's Friday the 13th!  As if 2020 needed more bad luck.  Anyway, though thanks to idiots who don't want to wear masks or social distancing we won't really have the traditional holiday celebrations, I still don't expect there to be much blog traffic between now and the new year.  Previous years I've done promotions of indie books, but I haven't really read any this year.  Or I reposted the most popular posts, but that's boring.

Then I thought that since toys feature so much into Christmas, I'd do something to focus on that.  So, every Monday, Wednesday, Friday to the new year I'll feature an Action Figure I Like.  My collection isn't huge like some people's, but I have over the years accumulated a few.  I'll just be focusing on the 6-7" ones like Marvel Legends, DC Multiverse, Star Wars Black Series, and the new GI JOE ones with a mix of older and newer ones.  They'll all be ones I own, not ones I'd like to own.

You probably won't care, but it'll be fun for me and I certainly need that right now.

Since it's Friday the 13th, here's one I wanted to own but didn't get. 



It's a gender swapped Jason from the  Friday the 13th franchise.  I tried buying it on Wish--twice!  The first time my order wound up in some little town in Georgia, maybe to the prison there.  The second time I don't think it ever got sent.  I got my money back both times but gave up trying to get it from there and on Amazon and eBay it's a lot more expensive.  Besides Jason they have the other 80s super-killers like Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, and Chucky.

At some point I should write a story about a gender swapped serial killer, but I haven't gotten around to it.

Wednesday, November 11, 2020

Batman: The Family (An Elseworlds Tale)

 The other day I watched the Rifftrax movie Lady Mobster.  It's from the early-to-mid-80s and it's about a girl who gets adopted by a mob family after her parents are murdered.  She becomes a lawyer and when the family starts having problems, she steps in and eventually takes over.  It's basically like if The Godfather had been about Tom Hagen taking over the Corleones instead of Michael.

The murder of her parents got me thinking this could be a good premise for a Batman Elseworlds story.  (It might already exist; maybe Arion or Laplume can correct me if I'm wrong.)  The idea would be that after Bruce Wayne's parents are killed in a mob hit, he's adopted by the Falcone family.  Bruce studies to be a lawyer or whatever at his adopted father's behest but when the family starts being hassled by another family (or maybe the Penguin or Joker or whatever) he starts dressing up in a costume to take out the family's enemies.

In the end he finds who killed his parents and takes revenge.  Then he becomes head of the Falcone family.  Throw in a love interest and there you go, pretty solid premise.

Monday, November 9, 2020

Bad Twists

 A few years ago late at night I watched the 2005 thriller Hide and Seek on some local channel.  Just as it was getting to the final act, though, the movie went to commercial and after the commercials the channel went to some old Friends rerun.  WTF?!  I couldn't find the movie on Amazon Prime or Hulu or anything and I didn't feel like paying to watch the last 20 minutes or so, so I just put it on my watchlist on Amazon in case it ever did go on Amazon Prime.

Then Halloween when I was looking for something to watch, I realized the movie was finally on Amazon Prime.  So I decided to watch the whole thing.  The movie is about a psychiatrist played by Robert deNiro and his young daughter played by Dakota Fanning moving to upstate New York after his wife and her mother kills herself.  The little girl starts playing with an imaginary friend named Charlie, but then it starts getting creepy when a cat is drowned in the tub and she blames it on Charlie.  Eventually "Charlie" kills someone.  

When the movie cut off the first time, I still didn't know who "Charlie" was supposed to be.  The red herring is the creepy neighbor.  When I got to watch the final act, it's revealed that deNiro is actually Charlie.  Apparently seeing his wife kissing some other guy at a party caused a psychotic break and so he murdered her and then started playing with his daughter as "Charlie."

Instead of clever, I thought it was a pretty lame twist.  To that point the movie had really done nothing to set up this twist.  There's a vague mention of him having a bad childhood, but nothing about any schizophrenia or anything like that.  So it just sort of comes out of nowhere.

There's a similarly bad twist in the James Nguyen disasterpiece Julie and Jack.  In the first act Julie and Jack go out to dinner a couple of times and tour their native San Francisco and fairly normal stuff like that.  Then it's revealed they're actually meeting in virtual reality all this time.  Wait, what?  Why the hell are you eating at restaurants in virtual reality?  Really they could have been skydiving or base jumping off the Eiffel Towel or jumping around the moon.  I mean come on t's virtual reality!  Have some fun with it.

Except A) that would have been too expensive for a lower-than-low-budget movie and B) If they had done wild stuff like that it would have tipped viewers off that they were meeting in virtual reality.  But would that have been so bad?  I don't think this first twist was really that important that it needed hidden.  It wouldn't have tipped people off to the other twist:  that Julie is in reality dead and her consciousness is on the Internet.

I get that if you have a twist you don't want it to be spoiled too early, but at the same time you don't want a twist that comes out of nowhere or doesn't really make sense.  Or like the movie Duplicity where the twist made me think the main characters were morons with how easily they were duped.  When you're doing a twist ending, you have to be careful.

Friday, November 6, 2020

Some Practical Advice

 In the last month I bought a bunch of the recent Rifftrax on-demand movies to watch with the Roku app.  And there was one thing that struck me that I shared on Facebook:  if you're doing a really low-budget horror/sci-fi/action movie, stick to practical effects.  They might still look bad, but probably not as bad as low-budget computer effects look.

A few of the movies that made me think this were Feeders, Lycan Colony, and Suburban Sasquatch.  Feeders could at least use the excuse it was made in the mid-90s so great computer effects weren't very affordable.  Still at one point when a doctor is on the floor with his head ripped off, the neck and blood look like they were done in MS Paint. It's one of those times when even the professional riffers can only laugh because it is so utterly ridiculous.  Though to be fair a lot of the practical effects, like the clay lump alien puppets, were pretty bad too.

Lycan Colony and Suburban Sasquatch were made early in the 21st Century.  Lycan Colony uses a lot of bad green screen that leads to one riffer saying, "How can you manage to make rolling look fake?"  I mean, seriously, someone is supposed to be rolling down a hill and it looks incredibly fake.  One guy is supposed to have a tattoo on his neck but instead of drawing it on with a marker or using a sticker or something, they tried to do it digitally and you can see it wobbling when he moves.  Though it's still probably not as funny as the terrible acting (like when a guy blurts out, "MMMMistake!" which would describe the whole movie) done mostly with heavy Boston accents.


Suburban Sasquatch has even more hilarious computer effects.  It's about a Bigfoot (or Sasquatch) terrorizing a suburban development--hence the title.  The Sasquatch is clearly a suit, the kind where you can see the seams and the two cops have the fakest-looking uniforms ever; they're brown button-down shirts with darker brown tape on the shoulders.  They couldn't even go to the dollar store for a couple of fake badges.  Strippers have more realistic cop uniforms!  But that's nothing compared to the computer effects of when the Sasquatch gets shot with an arrow and fake digital blood splurts around.  Or when he picks up the cop car and it changes dimensions in his grasp.  (Though ironically the cop car looks far more real than the cop uniforms.)

By contrast Vengeance of the Dead was made in Wisconsin early in the 21st Century and while it's not a great movie, it looks far less ridiculous than the others I mentioned.  The reason is it doesn't use a lot of low-rent computer effects.  Instead it relies on practical effects, mostly a young guy lighting old people on fire after he finds an old spoon that causes him to start sleepwalking to avenge a family murdered in the 30s.  There aren't any of those moments where you just laugh at how utterly stupid the action on the screen looks.

The basic message overall is to not let your reach exceed your grasp.  If you don't have the money for ILM-quality digital effects, then don't write your script so you need them.  It's just going to look ridiculous.  To apply this to writing, I guess that would mean to stay with what you can do well; don't venture too far from your comfort zone or things probably won't go so well for you.

Wednesday, November 4, 2020

Now You Can Manage Series on Amazon

 The other day when I went to the Amazon KDP site, I saw they had added something new:  a tool to manage series.  In the last couple of years Amazon would put books of the same series together, but it was something they did on their own.  But now you can do it yourself.


There are two ways to do it, either add books to an existing series or you can create a new series and add the books yourself.  And there's also an option to add "related" items like omnibuses, prequels, or short stories.  The only thing is there's a message when setting up series that says the related content isn't supported yet.  So I guess it's something that will be added later.  Or not.  Who knows?

One little hitch is you can only add a book to one series.  I was wondering why I couldn't find Another Chance to make a "related" book to the three Chances Are books and it turned out it was because it was already its own series.  So I had to remove that series before I could add it to the other.  Or like the Gender Swap Six Pack that had both the Chances Are and Girl Power series, I could only relate to one series.

Something I noticed was most of my Eric Filler books already had series set up.  It mostly seemed to be older books that didn't have anything set up.  So if you have written series on Amazon, it could already be set up or it might not.

One good thing was it allowed me to fix something stupid Amazon did.  For some reason they had the first book of the Gender Swap Heroes series listed with the second and third books of the Gender Swap Detective series.  I was able now to get the right books listed under the right series.

Anyway, if you have books on Amazon, maybe check it out.

Monday, November 2, 2020

Context is Key Part II

 Last Wednesday I wrote an entry about people rating books with no comments and how that's useless to the author.  Lately while mostly I've just gotten ratings with no comments, there are sometimes comments and you can see why they're more helpful to me than merely a 1-star rating.

Like this one for Chance of a Lifetime:

Deleted it after page one. reviews were bad to start. and I don't need the f word in every paragraph. This writer has little imagination and even less grasp of the language

I went through and counted that in the first chapter there are exactly 3 f-bombs.  So there are some, but it's hardly "every paragraph."  I'm not sure what they mean by "reviews were bad to start;" according to Amazon of the 61 reviews/ratings, 52% are 5 stars and 24% 4 stars versus 8% 2 stars and 7% 1 star--including this one.  And I don't know how well you can gauge imagination or "grasp of the language" if you deleted it after "page one," whatever that means on your Kindle.


Or this one for Night at the Carnival:

There is nothing erotic, the main character i a constant victim, everyone else is scum and nothing in the least bit sexy happens.

I didn't file this as erotica for the exact reason that there wasn't a ton of sex in it.  I guess it is an Eric Filler book and there's a sexy ringmaster on the cover so you might assume it's erotic.  I wouldn't agree that "everyone else is scum;" it's probably that it's not pure black-and-white with good guys and bad guys.  You know, the main characters do some things that aren't all that good.

That's why I try not to do dark stories all that much anymore because they tend to get reviews like that from people who want simple fairy tale plots appropriate for little kids, but that are sexy.  SMH.

Anyway, so if these people had just given a 1star rating, I would have been like, "OK, someone didn't like it for...reasons."  The Chance of a Lifetime one I probably wouldn't have even noticed.  But since they wrote why they didn't like it, now I know that one is some annoying PTA mom who thought it was a children's story and the other whined because a non-erotica book wasn't erotic.

So they're annoying but not really anything I can do about it.  That's your context.

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